[satanworship] Re: 28 milliseconds later
- From: Jason Proctor <jason@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: "satanworship@xxxxxxxxxxxxx" <satanworship@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Mon, 29 Sep 2014 17:56:51 -0700
orlanth -- i *think*
On Mon, Sep 29, 2014 at 5:55 PM, <gavinw@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
> <finger_in_air>
>
> Who do I worship, again? It's been... err... about 15 Earth years since I
> went to temple...
>
> </finger_in_air>
>
>
>
>
>
> On Mon, 29 Sep 2014 17:13:07 -0700, Jason Proctor <jason@xxxxxxxxxxx>
> wrote:
>
> ok for those of you DIing, i'll need the exact text of what you're asking
> for
>
> On Mon, Sep 29, 2014 at 5:05 PM, <gavinw@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>
>> DI
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> On Mon, 29 Sep 2014 15:41:20 -0700, Jason Proctor <jason@xxxxxxxxxxx>
>> wrote:
>>
>> ok for round 2 of "army of darkness 148, party 5" i have --
>> chump: disrupt face-chewing skally
>> arfa: pretend to be dead
>> cynfred: munch hero pill, head to confront skallys
>> ester: munch hero pill, head to confront skallys
>> splut: ?
>>
>> On Mon, Sep 29, 2014 at 3:39 PM, Jason Proctor <jason@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>>
>>> yes, i think the bad guys need to source more skeletons.
>>> if Bob was refereeing, he'd wait until your character had suffered a
>>> catastrophic wound, and then his character Bob Lawrence would magically
>>> appear and save you, vaporising the monsters in a blast of magical fire
>>> from his gigantic anus.
>>> sadly however, Bob is not refereeing this adventure, and the equivalent
>>> of Bob Lawrence is currently in a Crabtown jail waiting for you to obtain
>>> some information in order to free him....
>>> Chump: dear Orlanth, please bring Humph here
>>> *pooof*
>>> Humph: thanks man, now we can all die together
>>> Chump: dear Orlanth, please bring Bob Lawrence here
>>> Orlanth: sorry dude, one intervention per lifetime for oiks like you
>>>
>>> On Mon, Sep 29, 2014 at 3:09 PM, Pete <dmarc-noreply@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>>> well blow me!
>>>>
>>>> last thing I expected was the whole bloody bunch of em stomping about!
>>>>
>>>> so lets see...
>>>>
>>>> 150 approx, minus the two that we beheaded leave around 148 is my maths
>>>> is correct... minus the one I should have disrupted - so that's 147 against
>>>> what 5 of us?
>>>>
>>>> Odds sound reasonable to me...
>>>>
>>>> No wait - we forgot the arrival of Bobs character who casts a level 12
>>>> 'fuck
>>>> skeletons' and destroys them as a whole and we are left giggling in our
>>>> shit stained armour - right?
>>>>
>>>> so it's come down to a divine intervention has it?
>>>>
>>>> read the book aloud?
>>>>
>>>> burn the book?
>>>>
>>>> give them the book?
>>>>
>>>> ????
>>>>
>>>> ------------------------------
>>>> *From:* Jason Proctor <jason@xxxxxxxxxxx>
>>>> *To:* "satanworship@xxxxxxxxxxxxx" <satanworship@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
>>>> *Sent:* Monday, September 29, 2014 1:35 PM
>>>>
>>>> *Subject:* [satanworship] Re: 28 milliseconds later
>>>>
>>>> from the back of the cave, you can no longer see Chump and Arfa as
>>>> they are buried in skallywags. the second row out of the pit surrounds the
>>>> first and will have at it in the very short term. the third and subsequent
>>>> rows marched around the melee and and are approaching you (this is when i
>>>> made your Bottle Out roll).
>>>> they're not running as such, but they are doing a fast mechanical
>>>> march. decent pace required to keep ahead of them.
>>>> the light is dim so you can't really determine whether all the
>>>> scallywags mobilised or whether some couldn't be bothered. the original
>>>> estimate for skallys in the cave was 150 or so.
>>>> (i assume) you dashed back to the scorpion man room to tell C&E what
>>>> happened. they have decided to go back in there. as you talk, you can hear
>>>> the horde approaching in the tunnel. likely the skallys can be 2 or 3
>>>> abreast in the tunnel, depending on where in the tunnel they are.
>>>> how bad does it look? miracles aside, there's no way out for Chump and
>>>> Arfa. and with the rest of the party's numbers, skill levels and magic
>>>> potential, etc, expectation of victory against the horde is very low.
>>>>
>>>> On Mon, Sep 29, 2014 at 1:01 PM, <gavinw@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Not to die.
>>>> Just how incredibly bad does it look from Splut's perspective? What can
>>>> the lad see?
>>>> - G
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> On Mon, 29 Sep 2014 12:03:56 -0700, Jason Proctor <jason@xxxxxxxxxxx>
>>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> any orders from Splut this time?
>>>>
>>>> On Mon, Sep 29, 2014 at 2:48 AM, Jane Sales <jane@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Ester, with a sense of dread, also returns to the fray.
>>>>
>>>> On 29 Sep 2014, at 10:28, Edward Marsden-Jones <
>>>> eddiemarsdenjones@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> I think Arfa will just lie still and relax for a bit.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> On 29 Sep 2014, at 12:18, Roger Nolan <rog@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Conferred indeed, thanks iOS. The most stupidity: Arfa.
>>>> r
>>>>
>>>> On 29 Sep 2014, at 07:39, Jason Proctor <jason@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> but what about Cynfred? and to which stupidity, of the many, are we
>>>> referring?
>>>>
>>>> On Sun, Sep 28, 2014 at 11:23 PM, Roger Nolan <rog@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Centred will return to the stupidity.
>>>>
>>>> Cheers
>>>> Rog
>>>>
>>>> On 29 Sep 2014, at 04:03, Pete (Redacted sender "
>>>> tadcastervalentino@xxxxxxxxx" for DMARC) <dmarc-noreply@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
>>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> disrupt the head of the guy who seems to be the most danger to me -
>>>> the one about to chew on my nose maybe?
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> pop... shatter ... woo hoo...
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> anything like that?
>>>>
>>>> ------------------------------
>>>> *From:* Jason Proctor <jason@xxxxxxxxxxx>
>>>> *To:* "satanworship@xxxxxxxxxxxxx" <satanworship@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
>>>> *Sent:* Sunday, September 28, 2014 7:06 PM
>>>> *Subject:* [satanworship] Re: 28 milliseconds later
>>>>
>>>> hmmm these are not good examples of the "sensible orders" i'd hoped
>>>> for...
>>>> except maybe the divine intervention
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> On Sun, Sep 28, 2014 at 5:00 PM, Pete <dmarc-noreply@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
>>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> it is at all possible for me to change may armour at this point? as i
>>>> think I may need to...
>>>>
>>>> Shame the smell will not scare them off...
>>>>
>>>> some sort of anti-grapple roll is in order...
>>>>
>>>> if I could just reach the anti-skeleton bat spray we'd all be fine...
>>>>
>>>> surely now the referee will intervene?
>>>>
>>>> prepares divine intervention request...
>>>>
>>>> ------------------------------
>>>> *From:* Jason Proctor <jason@xxxxxxxxxxx>
>>>> *To:* "satanworship@xxxxxxxxxxxxx" <satanworship@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
>>>> *Sent:* Sunday, September 28, 2014 2:37 PM
>>>> *Subject:* [satanworship] Re: 28 milliseconds later
>>>>
>>>> the situation for our heroes is... challenging.
>>>> currently Arfa and Chump are flat on their backs with four skallywags
>>>> each parked on them, immobilising various parts of their anatomy*. the
>>>> chaps are effectively incapacitated at the moment, but in the event of
>>>> sensible orders and seriously outstanding dice rolls, they might survive
>>>> the next melee round...
>>>> ...a chief component of which is the arrival of 10 armed skallywags.
>>>> meanwhile, Splut arrives in the scorpion man room to inform Ester and
>>>> Cynfred that the Army of Darkness is approaching rapidly.
>>>> *these skallys are wicked at Grapple rolls somehow
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> On Sun, Sep 28, 2014 at 12:20 AM, Roger Nolan <rog@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> *Silence*
>>>>
>>>> Cheers
>>>> Rog
>>>>
>>>> > On 28 Sep 2014, at 04:18, Gavin Walker <gavinw@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>>>> >
>>>> > Square on my Mac, a turd on the PC. Accurately enough.
>>>> >
>>>> > So, is everyone else dead then? Dead are they? Dead?
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> >> On 2014/09/28, at 2:36 PM, Jason Proctor wrote:
>>>> >>
>>>> >> came through here as a square :-)
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >> On Sat, Sep 27, 2014 at 2:33 PM, Roger Nolan <rog@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>>>> >> I think it was the first time I've ever managed to use an emoji
>>>> correctly.
>>>> >>
>>>> >> Cheers
>>>> >> Rog
>>>> >>
>>>> >>> On 27 Sep 2014, at 18:05, Jason Proctor <jason@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>>>> >>>
>>>> >>> was that an emoticon summing up the situation?
>>>> >>>
>>>> >>>
>>>> >>> On Sat, Sep 27, 2014 at 12:14 AM, Roger Nolan <rog@xxxxxxxxxx>
>>>> wrote:
>>>> >>> 💩
>>>> >>>
>>>> >>>> On 27 Sep 2014, at 04:20, Eddie Marsden-Jones <
>>>> eddiemarsdenjones@xxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>>>> >>>>
>>>> >>>> So is it too tight for scythes now? Are we talking fisticuffs?
>>>> >>>>
>>>> >>>>> On 26 Sep 2014, at 23:48, Jason Proctor <jason@xxxxxxxxxxx>
>>>> wrote:
>>>> >>>>>
>>>> >>>>> Arfa and Chump take up their positions on the edge of the pit,
>>>> and arrange their stances as their scythe teachers once told them, long
>>>> ago. after a nod to each other, they raise their weapons.
>>>> >>>>>
>>>> >>>>> almost as one, the scythes sweep viciously downward and cleanly
>>>> sever the spinal cords of the two closest skeletons. the teachers advised
>>>> them to keep their eye on the target, rather than watch the follow-through,
>>>> and this turns out to be most satisfying, as the heads simultaneously jump
>>>> vertically to almost exactly Arfa and Chump eye-height.
>>>> >>>>>
>>>> >>>>> the thrill of the triumph is brief, however, as at the very
>>>> moment of contact between the scythes and their targets, the skeleton horde
>>>> springs to life with mechanical rapidity. by the time the severed heads and
>>>> the heroes begin the downward path from the zeniths of their trajectory and
>>>> their triumph respectively, said heroes are mobbed by the first row of
>>>> cadavers.
>>>> >>>>>
>>>> >>>>> Arfa and Chump are bowled over by a sea of grabbing, biting,
>>>> tearing dead humanity. they try to drag themselves away, but only a second
>>>> after the first wave, the second line of skeletons hits, flailing with
>>>> rusty weapons plucked from the pit floor.
>>>> >>>>>
>>>> >>>>> the third and subsequent waves flow around the melee and head for
>>>> Splut, who heroically makes his Bottle Out roll and flees back up the
>>>> passage.
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>
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>
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