[bksvol-discuss] Re: OT: Overly Helpful People
- From: "Lora" <loravara@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <bksvol-discuss@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Tue, 5 Dec 2006 05:23:53 -0700
Absolutely. One guy I met while in college helped me find an obscure little
lecture hall. While we were walking, we struck up a conversation about
instructors and classes, and found we had much in common. We ended up being
very close friends, and went out for several years. You just never know how
things will turn out, but it all starts with communication. If he had just
grabbed me when I was trying to sort myself out and find that building, I
would have responded like I did yesterday, pulled my arm back, and kept
going, and that would have changed things forever, possibly.
-----Original Message-----
From: bksvol-discuss-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
[mailto:bksvol-discuss-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx] On Behalf Of Elizabeth and
Burton
Sent: Monday, December 04, 2006 10:34 PM
To: bksvol-discuss@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [bksvol-discuss] Re: OT: Overly Helpful People
Totally. I have met and become friends with folks in that way. My hiking
partner and friend and I met in Grand Central. I was asking if anyone knew
where a phone booth was in the days before prevalence of cell phones. There
were lots of folks around. My friend said they just looked at me but nobody
helped. He came over and shoed me where the phone was. It turned out we
were taking the same train and discovered we both liked hiking and lived
near each other. We have been great friends for years. Burton gets so
excited when he sees the truck because he knows we are going on our weekly
six month hike.
I want to stress humorously in the book that it is the way a person goes
about something that counts. First ask. And try asking when the blind
person can respond. Interrupting me in the middle of an obvious
conversation just plain is rude. Blind people deserve to be treated with
courtesy. If you wouldn't do it to a sighted person you ought not to do it
to us. I am where I am because I want or need to be. I am not on the
street or bus or in the school or on the job to give you a way to feel good
or noble about helping, or even to give the lonely somebody to talk to. I
can choose to take this on if I want to. I have the right to my privacy. I
have the right to be having the kind of day when I would rather sit quietly
on a bus reading and not tell some stranger about what it is like to be me.
I have a right to be as social or not. My mother was always kind courteous
(and so to me) glamorous person. I know I have written absurd answers to
some questions. I know lots of sighted folks perceive us as angry. Reality
is, you'd be pissed if somebody grabbed your arm while you were holding the
steering wheel (dog harness?) and yelled "here let me help you?" (grin)
Oh dear I guess all that goes in the book too.
E.
At 12:16 AM 12/5/2006, you wrote:
>Hi,
>
>If someone were to just ask, Do you need some help, I'd be appreciative.
>Sometimes, I'm in a new area, and being able to verify the name of a
>street, or the identity of a building nearby, can be invaluable. If
>he'd asked, I would have politely declined, and that would have been that.
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: bksvol-discuss-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
>[mailto:bksvol-discuss-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx] On Behalf Of Grandma Cindy
>Sent: Monday, December 04, 2006 10:12 PM
>To: bksvol-discuss@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
>Subject: [bksvol-discuss] Re: OT: Overly Helpful People
>
>I think he should have waited to see if you needed help and if he
>thought you did, he should have asked first and not grabbed you. At
>least that's what I would have done--and do if I see a person in a
>wheelchair or a person with a white cane--which, for some reason, I
>rarely see. On the rare occasions on which I've seen a blind person
>with a white cane coming toward me, I just step out of the way.
>
>As I said, these days I rarely see any blind people--but when I do it's
>all I can do to keep from asking if they're anyone I might know from
>bookshare, knowing that some of you live in the L.A. and San Diego
>areas. One such person had called and was supposed to come into the
>library on a day I was working, but he didn't come before I had to
>leave. I probably wouldn't have said anything to him anyway, respecting
>his provacy, though I would have asked the librarian his name.
>
>Bud, Do you ever come into Brentwood?
>
>Cindy
>
>Cindy
>
>Cindy
>
>--- Lora <loravara@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>
> > Coming home today, I had to cross two streets in front of my house.
> > Neither is large (two lanes a piece), though one can be a little
> > tricky to read at times.
> >
> > Nonetheless, I was certain of my crossing and started across the
> > street.
> > Suddenly, this guy appears out of nowhere and grabs my hand. I
> > snatched my hand back, and then he says, "I just want to help you."
> > I said, "I'm fine, I'm fine."
> >
> > For me, there's always a tiny pang at that point.
> > Questions run through my
> > head like: "Did I screw up this crossing somehow, go against the
> > light, anything?"
> >
> > I tucked my hand in my pocket (the other hand being busy with my
> > cane) and crossed the street.
> >
> > I felt slightly bad afterward. I'm sure the gentleman meant no
> > harm, but he startled me. I have always lived in big cities, and
> > use a large dose of caution when traveling. Mostly, though, I
> > didn't feel afraid, just so unprepared for someone to appear from
> > nowhere and grab me.
> >
> > I turned and crossed the other street, and he started to cross with
> > me, but must have decided I'd make it without him, because he turned
> > and went on his way.
> >
> > I'm not sure what I should have done, but that's probably the same
> > reaction the next person would get under similar circumstances.
> >
> > Lora
> >
> > To unsubscribe from this list send a blank Email to
> > bksvol-discuss-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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> > list of available commands, put the word 'help' by itself in the
> > subject line.
> >
> >
>
>
>
>
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