[bksvol-discuss] Re: OT: Overly Helpful People

  • From: Grandma Cindy <popularplace@xxxxxxxxx>
  • To: bksvol-discuss@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Tue, 5 Dec 2006 11:49:49 -0800 (PST)

Of course it doesn't make a lot of sense. A deaf
person wouldn't be able to hear no matter how loud a
person talked to him/her.

On problem I've found when talking for a long  time to
a person who's hard of hearing, for whom I have had to
raise my voice, is that it's hard to stop thereafter
when talking to someone else. It's like when you've
been talking to someone who has a southern or English
accent for a long time. I find myself uninentionally
picking up the accent when I speak.

I know a few of you are both blind and deaf (it
doesn't seem at all fair). Since you can't see to lip
read or use sign language, how do you receive
another's communication?

Cindy
--- Lora <loravara@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

> Oh, I do hate it when people yell at me as a way of
> "talking."  When I
> worked at Qwest, I had a manager who used to talk
> very loudly to me, under
> the assumption that blind meant deaf as well.  My
> solution:  I talked very
> loudly back to her, and when she asked why, I told
> her that I thought she
> was deaf, since she spoke so loudly.  That cured the
> problem, with only a
> few moments of awkwardness.
> 
> What that flight attendant did manage to do,
> however, was teach your fellow
> passengers that such behavior is ridiculous and
> rude.  They'll likely not
> make that mistake themselves.  That's a plus.
> 
> I've given this phenomenon some thought, though, and
> I think that sometimes
> people do this because they don't know how to get
> your attention.  If they
> don't know your name, and they want to ask you
> something, they can't seem to
> figure out how best to approach you.  With someone
> sighted, they'd attempt
> to make eye contact, and that would be enough.  I
> may be wrong here, but I
> think that feels awkward for them, so they try to
> find another solution.
> 
> An example from yesterday:  A man was walking down
> the street toward me.  I
> was waiting at the bus stop.  There were two other
> people there.  The man
> approaching began his dialogue with, "Young lady, I
> saw you this morning,
> and I saw you this evening, and you aren't wearing a
> jacket.  Aren't you
> cold?"
> 
> Now there were two other people there, and he might
> have been talking to any
> of us.  I answered, because I wasn't wearing a
> jacket, and some people think
> this remarkable (I rarely get cold, though), but in
> other circumstances, it
> might have been difficult to know who he was
> addressing.
> 
> People pick up on this, and just don't know what to
> do, I think.
> 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: bksvol-discuss-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
> [mailto:bksvol-discuss-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx] On
> Behalf Of Dan Beaver
> Sent: Tuesday, December 05, 2006 5:10 AM
> To: bksvol-discuss@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
> Subject: [bksvol-discuss] Re: OT: Overly Helpful
> People
> 
> Hmmm, maybe this one should go under this subject. 
> Although, maybe it
> should be under people who do not think.
> 
> Back in the 80s I went on a business trip.  I took a
> flight to New York
> state.
> 
> When I got to my seat I found that I had 2 other
> travelers sitting in the
> same row with me.  That was fine since I enjoy
> talking with people and
> meeting new people.  We hit it off pretty well too. 
> After a very few
> questions about my Guide Dog and how we travel
> things moved to much more
> normal topics.
> 
> After a while the flight attendants began the
> process of distributing drinks
> and nuts or something of that sort.  Of course I
> could hear them slowly
> moving their way along the isle.  I wasn't planning
> on partaking and was
> planning to politely let them know that when they
> asked.
> 
> When the flight atendant got to our row she placed 1
> hand on the back of my
> seat and 1 on the back of the seat in front of me. 
> It didn't bother me but
> I had to wonder what that would be like for a
> sighted guy.  She asked the 2
> people between me and the window waht they would
> like.
> 
> Once she had gotten their refreshments she stepped
> back.  She leaned down
> very close to my face and literally yelled, "would
> you like anything to
> eat?".
> 
> I just quietly said no thanks.
> 
> After she moved on down the isle the 2 folks next to
> me expressed amazement
> and near anger that she would do such a thing.  One
> of them started
> snickering and said, "you are just blind not deaf
> too right?".
> 
> I have to admit at this point that I seriously
> considered screaming back,
> "no thanks.".  But I didn't.
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Lora" <loravara@xxxxxxxxxxx>
> To: <bksvol-discuss@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
> Sent: Tuesday, December 05, 2006 12:37 AM
> Subject: [bksvol-discuss] Re: OT: Overly Helpful
> People
> 
> 
> > What you say is true.  Regrettably, we live in a
> dangerous world.   If I'd
> > been more uneasy, I might have shoved him away,
> which could be 
> > dangerous for him in the middle of an
> intersection.
> >
> > I also think you're right about more physical
> contact.  A new 
> > acquaintance, when offering to guide me in a
> restaurant (a courtesy I 
> > will accept, because the restaurants I tend to go
> to seem to have lots 
> > of cramped spaces and such), slipped my hand in
> his to guide.  I 
> > pulled my hand back and took his arm.  I wouldn't
> have minded flirting 
> > with him, but he's married, and so even holding
> hands seems off limits 
> > to me.  Maybe that's an entirely different
> subject, though.
> >
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: bksvol-discuss-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > [mailto:bksvol-discuss-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx] On
> Behalf Of Elizabeth 
> > and Burton
> > Sent: Monday, December 04, 2006 10:23 PM
> > To: bksvol-discuss@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
> > Subject: [bksvol-discuss] Re: OT: Overly Helpful
> People
> >
> > Reality is grabbing someone, particularly a woman
> without asking first 
> > is a stressful and possibly dangerous experience
> for the person being 
> > grabbed.
> > I
> > understand the need to help.  I will stress in the
> book what we all 
> > know and have been trying to stress and will use
> humor to do it.  The 
> > human being is equipped with a mouth and the
> ability to use it.  
> > Please let's learn the following phrases.  Repeat
> after me children:
> > "May I pet your dog."
> > "Do you need help."
> > alternatives to "Do you need help" include "Are
> you all right?"
> >
> > The implicit thing often thought is "I am worried
> about you.  Do you 
> > need help?" (can I stop worrying) and the other
> question is "I have 
> > nobody to help and here is a person I can help." 
> I do not like this 
> > attitude much since I dislike being an object
> attracting folks who 
> > feel so non-needed and attracting them for their
> needs not my help By 
> > the way, you can tell that kind.  Those are the
> ones who keep 
> > insisting and hang on after you have said you do
> not need help.
> >
> > On a more ominous note, I think there are men who
> physically grab 
> > blind women for the same reason they would like to
> grab or touch a 
> > woman or any kind.  You can tell this kind because
> he is the one who 
> > tries to cop a feel of my tit while I am hholding
> his arm to cross a 
> > street.
> >
> > Bottom line, I thin, is that anyone needs to be at
> least a bit 
> > concerned about somebody grabbing them
> particularly in situations 
> > where he might be trying to pick your pocket or
> such.  The fact is 
> > many of that kind are put off some by dogs.
> >
> > I also think women who are blind get physically
> contacted more than do 
> > blind men.  Somebody from AFB wrote a NY Times
> article about it a few 
> > years ago.
> > I will do my best to get ahold of it.  I want AFB
> in on the book 
> > project in some way, by the way.
> >
> > This thing really might take off.
> >
> > E.
> >
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