[projectaon] Re: Grand Master comment period [Books 15-20]

  • From: Benjamin I Krefetz <krefetz@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Tue, 28 Aug 2012 15:58:41 -0400 (EDT)


On Tue, 28 Aug 2012, Jonathan Blake wrote:


On Thu, Aug 23, 2012 at 7:24 PM, Benjamin I Krefetz
<krefetz@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:


On Thu, 23 Aug 2012, Jonathan Blake wrote:


(??) 6, 62, 220, 257, 312, 338: If you possess a Bow, and the Discipline
of
Magi-magic and have attained the rank of Kai Grand Guardian -> If you
possess a Bow and the Discipline of Magi-magic, and have attained the
rank
of Kai Grand Guardian



Original (I'm assuming all of these were originally the same):

"If you possess a Bow, and the Discipline of Magi-magic, and have
attained the Kai rank of Sun Lord..."

What I've changed it to:

"If you possess a Bow, the Discipline of Magi-magic, and have attained
the Kai rank of Sun Lord..."



This looks awkward to me because of bad parallelism.  If you're writing it
as a list of 3 things, either a verb needs to introduce each item, or the
same verb needs to be applied to all 3 items, but introducing a new verb for
the third item doesn't work.


That's an excellent point. How about this?

"If you possess a Bow and the Discipline of Magi-magic and have
attained the Kai rank of Sun Lord"

None of those commas are strictly necessary.


Works for me!

Ben

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