[projectaon] Re: Grand Master comment period [Books 15-20]

  • From: Benjamin I Krefetz <krefetz@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Thu, 23 Aug 2012 22:24:43 -0400 (EDT)


On Thu, 23 Aug 2012, Jonathan Blake wrote:


(??) 6, 62, 220, 257, 312, 338: If you possess a Bow, and the Discipline of
Magi-magic and have attained the rank of Kai Grand Guardian -> If you
possess a Bow and the Discipline of Magi-magic, and have attained the rank
of Kai Grand Guardian


Original (I'm assuming all of these were originally the same):

"If you possess a Bow, and the Discipline of Magi-magic, and have
attained the Kai rank of Sun Lord..."

What I've changed it to:

"If you possess a Bow, the Discipline of Magi-magic, and have attained
the Kai rank of Sun Lord..."
This looks awkward to me because of bad parallelism. If you're writing it as a list of 3 things, either a verb needs to introduce each item, or the same verb needs to be applied to all 3 items, but introducing a new verb for the third item doesn't work. 

Ben

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