(VICT) Re: Zair
- From: "Tamara Smith-Kinney" <tamara.8024@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <vi-clicker-trainers@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 20 Jun 2008 11:27:57 -0700
Sandy,
Excellent story! I might just try that with some of my friends when my =
fibro acts up.
Tami Smith-Kinney
-----Original Message-----
From: vi-clicker-trainers-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx =
[mailto:vi-clicker-trainers-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx] On Behalf Of =
Infinitepaws@xxxxxxx
Sent: Tuesday, June 17, 2008 2:13 PM
To: vi-clicker-trainers@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: (VICT) Re: Zair
=20
=20
In a message dated 6/17/2008 9:19:32 A.M. Mountain Daylight Time, =20
bcpaws4me@xxxxxxxxxxx writes:
That's a hard one. I learned fairly early on not to try and work=20
with Thane other than a run when I am tired. They feel the difference =
in us=20
no matter how hard we try and not display our tiredness.
Just my experience.
yeah, i know I shouldn't have taken him.. but my grandpa dearly loves =
the=20
dogs visiting and we have a whole slew of people there who look forward =
to zair=20
or drifter visiting.. although truth be told, they like the big white =
giant =20
couch potato over the little black dog..grin.. I feel awful today and =
even=20
worse than yesterday, not going anywhere but to bed.. I made it through =
the 4=20
hours I was scheduled today at work but only just..I wish I knew a way =
to=20
clicker train myself out of being crabby and bitchy when I am this =
tired.. for=20
those of you who have read the spoon story.. I aint got any left.. and =
for those=20
who havent... here it is, it is long but worth listening to/reading.. =
But You Don=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t Look Sick=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C2=A6. =20
My best friend and I were in the diner talking. As usual, it was very =
late=20
and we were eating French Fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, =
we=20
spend a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time =
we spent=20
talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important =
at=20
the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spend =
most of=20
our time laughing. =20
As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, =
she=20
watched me this time with a kind of start, instead of continuing the=20
conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to =
have M.S. and be=20
sick. I was shocked, not only because she asked the random question but =
also, I=20
assumed she knew all there was to know about M.S. She had come to the=20
doctors with me, seen me getting MRI=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2s, she saw =
me stumble on sidewalks and have to=20
sit down at a concert. She carried me out when I =
couldn=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t walk another step,=20
what else was there to know?=20
I started to ramble on about the medicines and the changes but she =
didn=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t=20
seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my =
roommate=20
and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition =
of=20
M.S. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, =
the face of=20
pure curiosity about something no healthy person can truly understand. =
She=20
asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to =
me=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C2=A6having=20
M.S.=20
As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or =
guidance, or at least a stall. I was trying to find the right words. =
How do I=20
answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I =
explain every=20
detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a person with =
MS=20
goes through every day with clarity? I could have given up and cracked =
a joke=20
like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if =
I don=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t=20
try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand? If I =
can=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t=20
explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone =
else? I=20
had to at least try.=20
At that moment, the =C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C5=93spoon =
theory=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C2=9D was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon=20
on the table; I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked her in =
the=20
eyes and said, =C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C5=93Here you go, you have =
M.S.=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C2=9D She looked at me slightly=20
confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of =
spoons. The cold=20
metal spoons clanked together as I shoved them into her hands. I =
explained=20
that the difference between having M.S. and being healthy is having to =
make=20
choices, or to think consciously about things when the rest of the world =
doesn=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t=20
have to. The healthy have the luxury of choice, a gift most people take =
for=20
granted. =20
Most people start the day with an unlimited amount of possibilities, =
and=20
energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the =
most part,=20
they do not need to worry about the effects their actions. So for my=20
explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for =
her to=20
actually hold, for me to take away, since most people who get M.S. feel =
the =C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C5=93loss=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C2=9D=20
of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the =
spoons, then=20
she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in =
this=20
case M.S., in control.=20
She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She =
didn=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t understand what I was=20
doing, but she is always up for a good time. Little did she know how =
serious the=20
game would become.I asked her to count the spoons. She asked why, and I =
explained that the spoons represented units of energy and when you are =
healthy=20
you expect to have a never-ending supply of =
=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C5=93spoons.=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C2=9D But when you have =
M.S.=20
and you have to plan your day, you need to know exactly how many =
=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C5=93spoons=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C2=9D you=20
are starting with. It doesn=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t guarantee you might =
not lose some along the=20
way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted =
out 12=20
spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew =
right away=20
that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we =
hadn=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2 t even started the game yet. =20
I=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2ve wanted more =
=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C5=93spoons=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C2=9D for years and =
haven=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t found a way yet to get=20
more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how =
many she=20
had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has M.S.=20
I asked her to list off her day, including the most simple tasks. As =
she =20
rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do I explained how each =
one =20
would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for =
work as her=20
first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I=20
practically jumped down her throat. I said, =C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C5=93no, =
you don=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t just get up. You have to=20
crack your eyes open and then realize you are late. You =
didn=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t sleep well the=20
night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and you have to make =
yourself=20
something to eat before you do anything else because you have to take =
your=20
medicine and have energy for the day and if not you might as well give =
up on spoons=20
for the whole day!=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C2=9D =20
I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she =
hasn=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t even gotten dressed=20
yet. Showering cost her another spoon, just washing her hair and =
shaving her=20
legs. Reaching too high or low, or having the shower water too hot and=20
choosing to blow dry her hair would have cost more than one spoon but I =
didn=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t want=20
to scare her too much in the beginning. Getting dressed is worth =
another =20
spoon.=20
I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every detail =
needs=20
to be thought about. You have to see what clothes you can physically =
put on,=20
what shoes are going to be appropriate for the =
day=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2s walking requirements, if=20
pain or spacticity is a problem, buttons are out. If I have bruising =
from my=20
medication, long sleeves might be in order. You cannot simply throw =
clothes=20
on when you have M.S. =C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=80=9D =
it=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2s just not that easy.=20
I think she started to understand when she theoretically =
didn=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t even get to=20
work yet and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that =
she=20
needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your =
=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C5=93spoons=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C2=9D are gone,=20
they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against =
tomorrow=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2s =
=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C5=93spoons=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C2=9D but=20
just think how hard tomorrow will be with less =
=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C5=93spoons=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C2=9D. I also needed to=20
explain that a person who has M.S. lives with the looming thought that =
tomorrow=20
may be the day that a fever comes, or an infection, or any number of =
things=20
that could prove disabling. So you do not want to run low on =
=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C5=93spoons=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C2=9D, because=20
you never know when you truly will need them. =20
I didn=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t want to depress her, but I needed to be =
realistic, and=20
unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of the real day for =
me. We went=20
through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch =
would cost=20
her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing on her =
computer=20
for too long. She was forced to make choices and to think about things=20
differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so =
that she could=20
eat dinner that night.=20
When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I=20
summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had two spoons left. =
If she=20
cooked, she wouldn=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t have enough energy to clean =
the pots. If she went out to=20
dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely without having =
blurred=20
vision or forgetting to turn her lights on. So she decided to make soup, =
it was=20
easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but =
maybe end=20
up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your =
apartment, or=20
do chores but you can=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t do it all.=20
I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was=20
getting through to her. I didn=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t want my friend =
to be upset, but at the same time=20
I was happy to think maybe finally someone understood me a little bit. =
She=20
had tears in her eyes and asked quietly, =
=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C5=93Christine, how do you do it? Do you=20
really do this everyday?=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C2=9D I answered that some days =
were worse than others ,=20
some days I have more spoons than most. But I can never make it go away =
and I=20
can=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t ever for a minute forget about it, I =
always have to think about it. I=20
handed her a spoon I had been holding on reserve. I said simply, =
=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C5=93I have=20
learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve, you =
need to=20
always be prepared.=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C2=9D =20
It=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2s hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn =
is to slow down, and not to=20
do everything. I fight this very day. I hate feeling left out, having =
to=20
choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted =
her to=20
feel the frustration. I wanted her to understand that everything =
everyone else=20
does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I =
need=20
to think about the weather and my own body before I can attack any one =
thing.=20
When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a =
plan=20
like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference =
between=20
having a chronic illness and being healthy. It is the beautiful ability =
to=20
not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to =
count my =C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C5=93 spoons.=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C2=9D=20
After we were emotional and talked about this for a while longer, I =
sensed=20
she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she =
never=20
could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she =
might not=20
complain so much when I can=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t go out for dinner =
some nights, or when I never=20
seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I =
gave her a=20
hug and we walked out of the diner. I had one spoon in my hand and I =
said, =C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C5=93 Don=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t worry. I see =
this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about=20
everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste every day? I =
don=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t have=20
room to waste spoons and I choose to spend this time with =
you.=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C2=9D=20
Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life =
to=20
many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the =
time. It=20
has been a code word for what I can and cannot do. Once people =
understand the=20
spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they =
look at=20
their own life a little differently. I think it =
isn=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t just good for=20
understanding M.S., but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. =
Hopefully, they=20
don=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=E2=84=A2t take so much for granted or their life in =
general. I give a piece of=20
myself, in every sense of the words, every time I do anything. It has =
become=20
an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that =
they=20
should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one =
of my =C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C5=93 spoons.=C3=A2=E2=82=AC=C2=9D =20
Sandy Foushee
Infinite Paws-Abilities Training and Service Dogs
Teamed with Alexandra Guide/Service Dog
Colorado Service/Assistance Dog Club - Trainer.-=20
_http://journals.aol.com/infinitepaws/zairs-journey/_=20
(http://journals.aol.com/infinitepaws/zairs-journey/)=20
**************Gas prices getting you down? Search AOL Autos for=20
fuel-efficient used cars. =
(http://autos.aol.com/used?ncid=3Daolaut00050000000007)
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