[projectaon] Re: Comment period for 1-7
- From: Jonathan Blake <jonathan@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Mon, 5 Mar 2012 16:32:21 -0800
On Fri, Mar 2, 2012 at 5:48 AM, Simon Osborne <outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
> All other changes to Book 4 seem good except for the one to Section 161.
>
> 'Run left when I say "Go",' whispers the face then disappears over the edge
> of the wagon.
>
> It just doesn't sound right. I think maybe the best wording would be:
>
> 'Run left when I say "Go",' whispers the face, which then disappears over
> the edge of the wagon.
I like inserting "which". I've opted for "face which then" though
since the comma seems unnecessary to me.
--
Jon
~~~~~~
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