[guide.chat] joke

  • From: "Ela" <elagreen2@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: "Guide.chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Wed, 11 Nov 2009 15:10:35 -0000

 Subject: A NUN GRADING PAPERS........
 
Can  you imagine yourself to be the nun that is  sitting at her desk 
grading these papers all the while trying  to keep a straight face  and 
maintain her composure! 
  
PAY  SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF  YOU KNOW THE BIBLE 
EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS!   IT COMES  FROM A CATHOLIC 
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST THAT KIDS  WERE ASKED. THE QUESTIONS  ARE ABOUT THE 
OLD AND NEW   TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE 
WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR  CORRECTED. INCORRECT 
SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN. 
  ;  
1. IN  THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS.  GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING 
THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH  OFF.    

2.   ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS  JOAN 
OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND  ARK  AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN  PEARS.  

3.  LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT  DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE 
DURING THE NIGHT  
  
4.  THE JEWS WERE A PROUD  PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD  TROUBLE 
WITH  UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.   

5.   SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A  JEZEBEL 
LIKE DELILAH. 

6.   SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.   
  
7. MOSES LED THE  JEWS TO  THE  RED   SEA  ! WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED 
BREAD WHICH IS BREAD   WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.    
 
8. THE EGYPTIANS  WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.  AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT 
UP TO  MOUNT   CYANIDE  TO GET THE TEN  COMMANDMENTS 

9.  THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD  ADAM TO EAT THE  APPLE.   
 
10.   THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.    
    
11..   MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED  CANADA  THEN JOSHUA LED THE 
HEBREWS IN THE     BATTLE   OF GERITOL.   
 
12.   THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON  TO 
STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.   
 
13.  DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED  AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE 
FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF  PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL  TIMES.   


14.  SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD  300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.  

15.  WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS,  SHE SANG THE MAGNA 
CARTA.. 
  16.  WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE  EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND 
JESUS IN THE MANAGER.  

17.  JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN  IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.  

18.     ST. JOHN  THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.   

19.  JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO  UNTO OTHERS 
BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN  DOTH NOT LIVE  BY 
SWEAT ALONE.    

20.  IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS  ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET 
THE  TOMBSTONE  OFF THE  ENTRANCE. 

21.  THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12   DECIBELS.  
    
22.  THE EPISTELS WERE  THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.    
 
23.   ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A   TAXIMAN.   

24     ST. PAUL  CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH 
 IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRIAGE. 

25.  CHRISTIANS  HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED  MONOTONY. 
 
 

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