[guide.chat] jokes
- From: "Stanley Carter" <stanleycarter3@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: "guide chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Sun, 25 Mar 2012 23:22:12 +0100
jokes
speech impediments
a huge hairy biker goes in to a gas station and asks where the bathroom
is
w-w-w-wh-where's -T-T-T the -j-j-j-jhon ?
mutters the biker the man at the check-out says nothing the blker repeats the
question
w-w-w-wh-where's T-T-T-the
j-j-j-jhon?
the check-out man remains silent the biker tries again
w-w-w-wh-where's T-T-T-the -G-G-god-d-d-damn-j-j-j-johon?he yells banging is
fist on the counter
the check-out man says nothing at all the biker is furious T-T-then I-l-l'll
p-p-piss
only-y-y your-G-god-d-d-damn
p-p- pump ?
he shouts and storms out another customer goes up to the check -out guy
and
says why didn't you tell him were the bathroom is?
its only round the back I-I-I-mw-w-w-would h-h-h-have ,
replied the check-out guy B-B-B-but I d-d-d- didn't w-w-w- won't T-T-T-to
G-G-get B-B-beaten U-U--up
a man goes to a speech therapist ,I hea-hea-heard th-th-that you can
he-he-help T-T-to cu-cu-cure St-St-St-stammering says the man the therapist
replied the cure is very simple
just sit down in this chair look in to my eyes and count slowly to ten the
man does so and counts O-O-O-O-one T-T-T-T-two th-th-th-th-three
F-F-F-four F-F-five S-six S-seven -eight nine ten hey that's incredible ?
says the man I don't stammer any more .
I said it was simple says the therapist so how much do I owe you doc?
ask the man the bill comes to fore thousand dollars
says the therapist the man replies wh-wh-what th-th-the fu-fu-fu-
a man walks into a pub and goes up to the barman who's hunchback h-h-h-how
mu-mu-mu-much is a B-B-B-B-beer?he asks six dollars a bottle ,replied the
hunchback barman S-S-S-S-six d-d-d-d-dollars?
says the man th-th-th-thats a-a-a-B-B-B-it St-St-St-steep h-h-oh-how mu-
mu-much for a-a-a-a co-co-coke?
four bucks . replied the barman j-j-j-j-jeez says the man th-th-th-that's
p-p-p-pre pretty p-p-p-rices T-T-T-T-to-too how about a lemonade
for too -fiffy?says the hunchback barman that's the cheapest drink ee've
got o-o-o-ok-ok-okay replies the man b-b-b-b-but t-t-th-th- thath's r-r-r-real
e-e-exp-pens-s-s-sive a-a-as w-w-well .so saying the man hands over to fiffy
and the barman pours him a glass of lemonade b-b-bye t-t-the w-w-w-way says
the man t-t-t-th-th-tha -thanks f-f-f-for n-n-n-no-not la-la-la-aughi -i-i-ing
a-a-a-atm-my st-st-st-stutter don't mention it says barman thank you for not
laughing at my hump back ,
a-a-a-a-hu-hu-hu-hump b-b-ba back ?
says the man c-c-c-christ w-w-w-wi-wi-with ev-ev-everyth -th-th-thing
e-e-e-eles b-b-being s-s-s-s-so hi-hi-high a-a-aaround h-h-h-h-he -here i
r-r-reckoned th-th-th-that w-w-w-was y-y-y-your a-a-ass
a midget with a speech impediment gose to buy a horse from a farmer the the
farmer showes the midget the horse in question the midget says,
can i see her mouf ?
the farmer lifts up the midget so he can see examine the horse's mouth the
midget them says can i see her eerth?the farmer lifts up the midget so he
can look at the horse ears
the midget then says can i see her ostwils?
so the farmer lifts up migent so he can see the horse's nostrils then the
miget says can i see her twat ?
the farmer who is pretty sick and tired of the miget lifts up the little man
and sticks his head up the horses rear end after a few seconds he pulls the
migent free and puts him down the midget wipes goo off is face and says
pewhaps i can wephrase the wequest can i fee her walk about a bit
three irishmen are being treated by a speeck therapist for stuttering the
therapist is a lady and she's a real looker with lots of curves in all the
right places unfortunately she's not much progress with her patients so
she decides to encourage with a reward system she tells them that she will
have sex with the first man who can name the place of is birth with out
suttering the first irishmam stands up and says b-b-belf-f-f-f-ast.the
second irishman says d-d-d-d-dublin the the third irishman says london true
to her word the therapist takes the man in to the next room and makes
passionate love with him for the next hour eventually the irishman stumbles
out of the room and collapses in to a chair the therapist also reappears
fussing with her hare and buttoning her whight coat well thats was
productive.she says now be fore we close today's session is there anything
you would like to say ?
the third irishman raises his hand and says d-d-d-d-derry .
yesterday a severe stutterer was sent to prison
for drounk driving he was he was given six months but police say its
unlikely he'll finish is sentence
jokes
speech impediments
a huge hairy biker goes in to a gas station and asks where the bathroom
is
w-w-w-wh-where's -T-T-T the -j-j-j-jhon ?
mutters the biker the man at the check-out says nothing the blker repeats the
question
w-w-w-wh-where's T-T-T-the
j-j-j-jhon?
the check-out man remains silent the biker tries again
w-w-w-wh-where's T-T-T-the -G-G-god-d-d-damn-j-j-j-johon?he yells banging is
fist on the counter
the check-out man says nothing at all the biker is furious T-T-then I-l-l'll
p-p-piss
only-y-y your-G-god-d-d-damn
p-p- pump ?
he shouts and storms out another customer goes up to the check -out guy
and
says why didn't you tell him were the bathroom is?
its only round the back I-I-I-mw-w-w-would h-h-h-have ,
replied the check-out guy B-B-B-but I d-d-d- didn't w-w-w- won't T-T-T-to
G-G-get B-B-beaten U-U--up
a man goes to a speech therapist ,I hea-hea-heard th-th-that you can
he-he-help T-T-to cu-cu-cure St-St-St-stammering says the man the therapist
replied the cure is very simple
just sit down in this chair look in to my eyes and count slowly to ten the
man does so and counts O-O-O-O-one T-T-T-T-two th-th-th-th-three
F-F-F-four F-F-five S-six S-seven -eight nine ten hey that's incredible ?
says the man I don't stammer any more .
I said it was simple says the therapist so how much do I owe you doc?
ask the man the bill comes to fore thousand dollars
says the therapist the man replies wh-wh-what th-th-the fu-fu-fu-
a man walks into a pub and goes up to the barman who's hunchback h-h-h-how
mu-mu-mu-much is a B-B-B-B-beer?he asks six dollars a bottle ,replied the
hunchback barman S-S-S-S-six d-d-d-d-dollars?
says the man th-th-th-thats a-a-a-B-B-B-it St-St-St-steep h-h-oh-how mu-
mu-much for a-a-a-a co-co-coke?
four bucks . replied the barman j-j-j-j-jeez says the man th-th-th-that's
p-p-p-pre pretty p-p-p-rices T-T-T-T-to-too how about a lemonade
for too -fiffy?says the hunchback barman that's the cheapest drink ee've
got o-o-o-ok-ok-okay replies the man b-b-b-b-but t-t-th-th- thath's r-r-r-real
e-e-exp-pens-s-s-sive a-a-as w-w-well .so saying the man hands over to fiffy
and the barman pours him a glass of lemonade b-b-bye t-t-the w-w-w-way says
the man t-t-t-th-th-tha -thanks f-f-f-for n-n-n-no-not la-la-la-aughi -i-i-ing
a-a-a-atm-my st-st-st-stutter don't mention it says barman thank you for not
laughing at my hump back ,
a-a-a-a-hu-hu-hu-hump b-b-ba back ?
says the man c-c-c-christ w-w-w-wi-wi-with ev-ev-everyth -th-th-thing
e-e-e-eles b-b-being s-s-s-s-so hi-hi-high a-a-aaround h-h-h-h-he -here i
r-r-reckoned th-th-th-that w-w-w-was y-y-y-your a-a-ass
a midget with a speech impediment gose to buy a horse from a farmer the the
farmer showes the midget the horse in question the midget says,
can i see her mouf ?
the farmer lifts up the midget so he can see examine the horse's mouth the
midget them says can i see her eerth?the farmer lifts up the midget so he
can look at the horse ears
the midget then says can i see her ostwils?
so the farmer lifts up migent so he can see the horse's nostrils then the
miget says can i see her twat ?
the farmer who is pretty sick and tired of the miget lifts up the little man
and sticks his head up the horses rear end after a few seconds he pulls the
migent free and puts him down the midget wipes goo off is face and says
pewhaps i can wephrase the wequest can i fee her walk about a bit
three irishmen are being treated by a speeck therapist for stuttering the
therapist is a lady and she's a real looker with lots of curves in all the
right places unfortunately she's not much progress with her patients so
she decides to encourage with a reward system she tells them that she will
have sex with the first man who can name the place of is birth with out
suttering the first irishmam stands up and says b-b-belf-f-f-f-ast.the
second irishman says d-d-d-d-dublin the the third irishman says london true
to her word the therapist takes the man in to the next room and makes
passionate love with him for the next hour eventually the irishman stumbles
out of the room and collapses in to a chair the therapist also reappears
fussing with her hare and buttoning her whight coat well thats was
productive.she says now be fore we close today's session is there anything
you would like to say ?
the third irishman raises his hand and says d-d-d-d-derry .
yesterday a severe stutterer was sent to prison
for drounk driving he was he was given six months but police say its
unlikely he'll finish is sentence
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