[guide.chat] jokes
- From: "Stanley Carter" <stanleycarter3@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: "guide chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Thu, 15 Mar 2012 17:44:20 -0000
jokes
skydiving
a sky diving instructor is answering questions from a group of first time
jumpers a nervosa beginner asks so if my chute doesn't and the reserve chute
doesn't open either how long until I hit the ground ?the instructor replied
you have the rest of your life
Murphy is taking a skydiving lessons on is first day he's told to jump count
to three then pull the cord Murphy jumps he mutters to him self as he
plummets to the ground one two ,,ah jays us one two sure enough its on the
tip of my tongue one two holy mother .I remembered its yesterday I was
word -perfect one
slave labour
the slaves are putting the oars on the roman galley when one of the oldest
slaves suddenly has a heart attack and dies
the overseer comes over unchains the dead slave and without ceremony pushes
him through an oak- hole in to the sea he goes around the galley with is whip
lashing everyone he comes a comes across one of the newer slaves turns turns
to the man next to him and says
that's a bit much why is he whipping everyone we didn't do any thing its
always the same replied his companion whenever somebody leave S there's
away's a whip -round
sleep
man is the only animal that goes to sleep when he's not sleepy and get's up
when he is
I'm exhausted I couldn't get to sleep last night I tried counting
sheep but by the time I'd got got to 180,876 it was time to get up again
I slept like a log last night I woke in a fireplace
I phoned up harry late last night 'hello I said I didn't wake you did I
?no says harry do you won't to call back later
the good people sleep much better at night then the bad people but of
curies the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more
smell
I was hosting a cock tail party the other day but I noticed that people
were avoiding me then my wife came over and told me feet really stank so
I nipped upstairs and changed my socks I didn't solve promlan though
people still kept clear of me on reflection perhaps I shouldn't have
stuffed the old socks in my jacket pocket
a captain is inspecting the guard at a ane camp he walks to the sentry
box and sees a new recruit slouched in side at the man's feet is a
cigarette butt it looks fresh and since smoking on duty is an offence the
captain decides to investigate you there ' he says is that your
cigarette?the soldier looks down at the butt and says nah go on mate you
have it you saw it first
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