[lit-ideas] Re: Priorities

 
In a message dated 12/29/2004 1:09:58 AM Central Standard Time,  
wells001@xxxxxxxxxxxx writes:
I guess  my question is....what happened to Christmas Spirit... or is it
just  Me



Dear Josey,
 
It's after 2 am here and I need to close up, so please forgive this post  for 
being even more of a rambling one than even usual <g>!
 
Well, no, I would say she is not the only one who has had a difficult time  
getting into the Christmas Spirit.  But, there are/have been plenty who  have 
been able to do so...and sometimes it helps to try to 'rest' in that--by  that 
I mean that there are (truly) very different aspects of Christmas and the  
Christmas Spirit--and they can also come out in different expressions.   (for 
example, my friend who I had made the 12 Days of Christmas box for had not  
received them on Christmas Eve...(she lives in Maryland).  I had called her  in 
the 
afternoon and asked--for I had mailed them totally on time and even a  little 
early! (and so did not have to drive to downtown KC and use the big post  
office on the last possible day!  Ben said we were breaking with tradition  <g>)
I called HER town's post office--just in case maybe it was sitting in the  
back--what a nice man answered the phone!  He said that he was going to be  
working on Christmas Day anyway, so he would keep his eyes open and if it came  
that night on the truck, he'd personally go deliver it.  Well, at about  11:30 
am, I got a phone call from her--the post office guy rang their doorbell  and 
delivered the package--actually, he told her, they were delivering any  
packages that even remotely looked like they were for Christmas. (MY post 
office  
would not do that <g> though I will be sure to let them know!)    Another 
friend 
goes out with a group and delivers food to the homeless -- and  for him, it is 
simply an expression of what a decent person is to do (he does  this 
regularly anyway--just a few hours a month but is very appreciated by those  in 
need!) 
  
 
It sure sounds like it has been a difficult year for her--and probably even  
for you.  Some days and years are just that way, though.  They just  are. So 
often we try to run away from facing what gives us pain--and we don't  say to 
ourselves 'oh, that is what grief feels like--and my body reacts by  getting 
tense and ...'  We need to focus on it, explore it, know it is  there.  
 
I think it might help if you and she were to define what the Christmas  
Spirit is to you!  For some it is simply being happy--feeling  carefree.  For 
others, it may be a steady peaceful feeling--a sense that  this is A Time Set 
Aside 
for rest and reconnecting with quietness.  For  others, it is a time of 
escape--of running into a land of wonder and  make-believe--of enjoying the 
wonder 
on faces which see light displays, the  people who stop and watch little kids 
tell Santa something at a mall, even--thus  many will do things like Bikes for 
Tikes [in our area, there is a group that  every year collects bikes and 
fixes them up and gives them out as gifts to kids  earmarked by various social 
service agencies] or it may be that time when we  focus on what the Meaning of 
LIfe is and the Purpose for Our Very Own Lives and  go do something for a 
charity on a physical level that is very different or we  re-examine our own 
lives 
(Think A Christmas Carol) and so forth.  
 
But, just because the 'feeling' isn't there does not mean that it is not  
there--just that you cannot feel it.  And, SOME days are cold and dark and  
dreary.  But the sun will come up and the only thing that never changes is  
that 
everything changes... And, how sweet and dear that YOU could get a  
tree--whether it has lights on it or not--that's okay!  It's still a tree  and 
trees are 
pretty!   (I always think that one of the main purposes  of a tree and any 
decorations is to make you smile and say 'how sweet!' or 'how  lovely' and that 
smiling even if it is inside--is what makes putting a tree up  worthwhile.  
Yes--take the steps to see if you can coddle her and recognize  that she is 
simply 
not 'there'--it is OKAY for that to happen...some days and  years are simply 
that way.  Does NOT mean that the feelings won't  change--and you may end up 
feeling, oddly enough, that Christmas Spirit in the  middle of the year for 
some odd reason and then you can laugh and say 'well, it  is about time!'
 
OR (I've lots of theories, can you tell?  Part of creating theories  for the 
Belief of the Month Club...<g>)   Maybe this year  it is not that you have not 
had The Christmas Spirit, but that it is coming  forth in a different manner 
than it has in the past.  Maybe the best  thing for it is to have just a 
peaceful moment or two as a haven from the rest  of the details of life...and 
not 
the fun and laughter that perhaps is what  you/she may be thinking it is all 
about....
 
From what you said about your girlfriend, she may be more of the 'carefree'  
type--and for her (or someone of that inclination), it does sound like she has 
 had to work through a number of emotions which may have her feeling either  
trapped or disempowered or some other sense--none of which allows for being  
carefree (very easily).   Had you written this last week, I would have  
suggested that you take some time, each other, with each other and look at some 
 of 
the Other Aspects of what Christmas can be for Others--and looked for and  
found even ONE inkling of 'good' happening in your regular lives or those lives 
 
of those you care about....  
 
But, remember--it is just the THIRD day of Christmas.  The 12 Days  begin on 
the 25th and the last one is January 6th.  So--it's not over yet  <g>.  
(though lots of people like to think it is--and that is fine.  But if you like 
a 
party <g>, remember that those three kings didn't get  there until the 6th and 
how can you have the best party of all without  THEM??)  So, feel free to put 
up 
the lights and create a special  moment--and create a new memory of sweetness 
about the year that was difficult  and hard -- but full of recognition that 
life will go on and solutions WILL be  found...
 
If you cannot get into the "Christmas Spirit", or at least the aspect of it  
that you/she has always had and you don't want to experience the rest or peace 
 [those sound like ones I would focus on -- and, in fact, have done this  
year--for I needed to bring some of that into my life...and my Christmas was a  
bit odd this year, too, but not because of my feelings but because of outside  
constraints.  Which was fine...just different...]  -- well, there is  always 
The New Year coming!
 
For some, it is difficult for If to celebrate Christmas is to be carefree  -- 
and it just cannot be this year -- and neither of you-especially her-has  
either the emotional or intellectual or physical energy to change the focus to 
a  
different aspect of Christmas Spirit--then there is another possiblity of  
something to do.  Soften it--and change it to The New Year.  It is  STILL The 
Holiday Season, you know!
 
It might be a time for a New Beginning -- a time when you / she will look  at 
dreams and hopes and create a three year plan...either together or  
separately.  To get a notebook and begin filling it with pages/pictures of  
dreams of 
places you want to visit or things you want to do, someday.  Even  little 
things--very little!  Or, even to put in it aspects of the World or  Job or 
Government that you wish to see changed for the good--even  slightly.  (and 
then 
light a candle--<g>--white to start with but a  green one on NY Eve or 
Day...kicks 
and grins and for fun, but to also assist in  focusing and in creating a 
ceremony of New Dreams, New Beginnings, New  Year.  
 
Be gentle with yourself--with her.   Learn to dig deep and find  the single 
piece of hope that there is in your lives--but if you have no time or  energy, 
then that is okay--recognize that, too.  Maybe the best gift of all  is either 
to create an artificial world of peace or fun.
 
Again, I apologize for the ramblings1  
 
Luck in the shadows and blessings in the light,
Marlena in Missouri
 
 


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