[lit-ideas] Re: Priorities
- From: Eternitytime1@xxxxxxx
- To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Wed, 29 Dec 2004 03:58:27 EST
In a message dated 12/29/2004 1:09:58 AM Central Standard Time,
wells001@xxxxxxxxxxxx writes:
I guess my question is....what happened to Christmas Spirit... or is it
just Me
Dear Josey,
It's after 2 am here and I need to close up, so please forgive this post for
being even more of a rambling one than even usual <g>!
Well, no, I would say she is not the only one who has had a difficult time
getting into the Christmas Spirit. But, there are/have been plenty who have
been able to do so...and sometimes it helps to try to 'rest' in that--by that
I mean that there are (truly) very different aspects of Christmas and the
Christmas Spirit--and they can also come out in different expressions. (for
example, my friend who I had made the 12 Days of Christmas box for had not
received them on Christmas Eve...(she lives in Maryland). I had called her in
the
afternoon and asked--for I had mailed them totally on time and even a little
early! (and so did not have to drive to downtown KC and use the big post
office on the last possible day! Ben said we were breaking with tradition <g>)
I called HER town's post office--just in case maybe it was sitting in the
back--what a nice man answered the phone! He said that he was going to be
working on Christmas Day anyway, so he would keep his eyes open and if it came
that night on the truck, he'd personally go deliver it. Well, at about 11:30
am, I got a phone call from her--the post office guy rang their doorbell and
delivered the package--actually, he told her, they were delivering any
packages that even remotely looked like they were for Christmas. (MY post
office
would not do that <g> though I will be sure to let them know!) Another
friend
goes out with a group and delivers food to the homeless -- and for him, it is
simply an expression of what a decent person is to do (he does this
regularly anyway--just a few hours a month but is very appreciated by those in
need!)
It sure sounds like it has been a difficult year for her--and probably even
for you. Some days and years are just that way, though. They just are. So
often we try to run away from facing what gives us pain--and we don't say to
ourselves 'oh, that is what grief feels like--and my body reacts by getting
tense and ...' We need to focus on it, explore it, know it is there.
I think it might help if you and she were to define what the Christmas
Spirit is to you! For some it is simply being happy--feeling carefree. For
others, it may be a steady peaceful feeling--a sense that this is A Time Set
Aside
for rest and reconnecting with quietness. For others, it is a time of
escape--of running into a land of wonder and make-believe--of enjoying the
wonder
on faces which see light displays, the people who stop and watch little kids
tell Santa something at a mall, even--thus many will do things like Bikes for
Tikes [in our area, there is a group that every year collects bikes and
fixes them up and gives them out as gifts to kids earmarked by various social
service agencies] or it may be that time when we focus on what the Meaning of
LIfe is and the Purpose for Our Very Own Lives and go do something for a
charity on a physical level that is very different or we re-examine our own
lives
(Think A Christmas Carol) and so forth.
But, just because the 'feeling' isn't there does not mean that it is not
there--just that you cannot feel it. And, SOME days are cold and dark and
dreary. But the sun will come up and the only thing that never changes is
that
everything changes... And, how sweet and dear that YOU could get a
tree--whether it has lights on it or not--that's okay! It's still a tree and
trees are
pretty! (I always think that one of the main purposes of a tree and any
decorations is to make you smile and say 'how sweet!' or 'how lovely' and that
smiling even if it is inside--is what makes putting a tree up worthwhile.
Yes--take the steps to see if you can coddle her and recognize that she is
simply
not 'there'--it is OKAY for that to happen...some days and years are simply
that way. Does NOT mean that the feelings won't change--and you may end up
feeling, oddly enough, that Christmas Spirit in the middle of the year for
some odd reason and then you can laugh and say 'well, it is about time!'
OR (I've lots of theories, can you tell? Part of creating theories for the
Belief of the Month Club...<g>) Maybe this year it is not that you have not
had The Christmas Spirit, but that it is coming forth in a different manner
than it has in the past. Maybe the best thing for it is to have just a
peaceful moment or two as a haven from the rest of the details of life...and
not
the fun and laughter that perhaps is what you/she may be thinking it is all
about....
From what you said about your girlfriend, she may be more of the 'carefree'
type--and for her (or someone of that inclination), it does sound like she has
had to work through a number of emotions which may have her feeling either
trapped or disempowered or some other sense--none of which allows for being
carefree (very easily). Had you written this last week, I would have
suggested that you take some time, each other, with each other and look at some
of
the Other Aspects of what Christmas can be for Others--and looked for and
found even ONE inkling of 'good' happening in your regular lives or those lives
of those you care about....
But, remember--it is just the THIRD day of Christmas. The 12 Days begin on
the 25th and the last one is January 6th. So--it's not over yet <g>.
(though lots of people like to think it is--and that is fine. But if you like
a
party <g>, remember that those three kings didn't get there until the 6th and
how can you have the best party of all without THEM??) So, feel free to put
up
the lights and create a special moment--and create a new memory of sweetness
about the year that was difficult and hard -- but full of recognition that
life will go on and solutions WILL be found...
If you cannot get into the "Christmas Spirit", or at least the aspect of it
that you/she has always had and you don't want to experience the rest or peace
[those sound like ones I would focus on -- and, in fact, have done this
year--for I needed to bring some of that into my life...and my Christmas was a
bit odd this year, too, but not because of my feelings but because of outside
constraints. Which was fine...just different...] -- well, there is always
The New Year coming!
For some, it is difficult for If to celebrate Christmas is to be carefree --
and it just cannot be this year -- and neither of you-especially her-has
either the emotional or intellectual or physical energy to change the focus to
a
different aspect of Christmas Spirit--then there is another possiblity of
something to do. Soften it--and change it to The New Year. It is STILL The
Holiday Season, you know!
It might be a time for a New Beginning -- a time when you / she will look at
dreams and hopes and create a three year plan...either together or
separately. To get a notebook and begin filling it with pages/pictures of
dreams of
places you want to visit or things you want to do, someday. Even little
things--very little! Or, even to put in it aspects of the World or Job or
Government that you wish to see changed for the good--even slightly. (and
then
light a candle--<g>--white to start with but a green one on NY Eve or
Day...kicks
and grins and for fun, but to also assist in focusing and in creating a
ceremony of New Dreams, New Beginnings, New Year.
Be gentle with yourself--with her. Learn to dig deep and find the single
piece of hope that there is in your lives--but if you have no time or energy,
then that is okay--recognize that, too. Maybe the best gift of all is either
to create an artificial world of peace or fun.
Again, I apologize for the ramblings1
Luck in the shadows and blessings in the light,
Marlena in Missouri
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