[projectaon] Re: 02smr Comment Period

  • From: Jonathan Blake <jonathan.blake@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: Project Aon List <projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Wed, 8 Apr 2015 11:02:25 -0700

On Sun, Apr 5, 2015 at 9:34 AM, Simon Osborne <outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
wrote:

On 04/04/2015 00:17, Jonathan Blake wrote:

Right, let's get Slaughter Mountain Run out the door. Over the next
week, ending next Thursday, April 9, please take another look at the
book to see if we've missed anything so far. Report back and we'll try
to get it sorted out.

I've been using "Deleted xxx" in the Errata entries for the books. I
noticed
that according to the MoS it should be "Removed xxx" instead.
<http://www.projectaon.org/en/Sanctum/ManualOfStyle> I can fix this across
the books if required.

I guess I started doing it that way and put it in the manual of style
because "deleted" seemed too tech-speak for this context. That's really a
personal preference, so I'm willing to be argued out of it. :)

(er) The Story So Far: last day of May, 2020, when -> last day of May
2020,
when [so: maybe?]

agree

(er) 1: Although you cannot see them you know exactly -> Although you
cannot
see them, you know exactly

agree

(er) 1: Cutter stares at you in silence then, begrudgingly, he nods ->
Cutter stares at you in silence, and then, begrudgingly, he nods

I'll answer this and others in response to Benjamin's email.

(er) 15, 68, 102, 161, 207, 261: in Ancient Rome -> in ancient Rome

agree

(ne) 80: Ammo Pouch record [so: link to Action Chart]

That's a great point, but that's going to apply in a lot of place in the
books. I think we should do it.

(er) 102: Add: "(Erase the Bottle of Bourbon from your Action Chart.)"

agree

(er) 104, 156, 258: the Maverick's guns -> the Mavericks' guns

agree

(er) 120: [Add: "(Erase the Leviathan Missile from your Action Chart.
Remember to restore 2 Stealth Points now you are no longer encumbered with
this item.)" Or something similar (cf. query on 328 below). ]

agree

(er) 178: that lay strewn -> that lie strewn

agree

(ne) 178: machine gunning biker -> machine-gunning biker [so: And delete
Errata entry]

agree

(er) 200: lion's head symbol -> lion's-head symbol
(er) 269: long-horned steer skull symbol -> long-horned-steer-skull symbol
[or, long-horned steer-skull symbol]

I agree on the first one. The second one I'd suggest instead
"long-horned-steer skull symbol" because "long-horned-steer" seems to be
describing "skull". It could have been just "skull symbol", but
"long-horned-steer" specifies which kind of skull, so I read "skull" as
independent of the rest of the phrase.

Also in 269 there's "lion's head mark" which needs to be corrected.

(er) 201: both of you in some discomfort -> both of you with some
discomfort

This one sounds OK as-is to me.

(er) 221: ping -> [<onomatopoeia> tags?]

agree

(er) 241: doorway—the rifleman and one other—armed with a -> doorway—the
rifleman, and one other armed with a

In the XML, we have it as "Two more men in uniform emerge from the
doorway—the rifleman and one other, armed with a sawn-off shotgun." Is this
the original? That seems to work to me.

(er) 260: having stopped a bullet in his left forearm -> having stopped a
bullet with his left forearm

Yours probably reads better, but the first seems OK as-is to me.

(er) 260: fetch Sergeant Haskell. -> fetch Sergeant Haskell?

agree

(er) 303: detour of -> detour around [cf. 100, 153, 169, 285, 288]

agree

(er) 315: break you guys -> break, you guys

agree

(er) 316: way out but -> way out, but

agree

(er) 328: Sergeant Haskell and yourself dispatch -> You and Sergeant
Haskell

agree

328: The Leviathan is a Backpack Item (cf. Section 345). Is the -2 Stealth
penalty an additional -2 on top of the other penalties if it is Item 4,
Item
7, or Item 10? Or does it give a flat -2 penalty to Stealth regardless of
how much else is being carried?

Good question. I think the -2 penalty is independent of and added to other
stealth penalties, but that's just my reading of it. It may be worth a
footnote but we really don't have much to say aside from telling the reader
to make their best guess.

(er) 350: ["Erase the Signal Flare from your Action Chart."]
[so: Or, add "Erase the Signal Flare from your Action Chart." to 120 and
219
instead.]

I like the idea of putting them it in 120 and 219 so it doesn't distract
from reading the victory section in 350.

* Regenerate the flowchart SVG so that the small illustration placement
information is correct and up-to-date.

Will do.

* Jon, do you have a high quality scan of the Rank Scroll for the FW
books?
I've been vectorising the high quality scans of the illustrations and
compiling them into a "companion booklet". Whether this is of any use as
an
accompanying release, or whether it's something only I'm interested in,
remains to be seen: <http://www.projectaon.org/staff/simon/SMR_Pics.pdf>
(approx 17Mb). The Scroll image is scanned in directly from the book and
is
therefore of a lower quality than the rest. The Action Chart is based on
Iain's contributed graphics, only with the lettering replaced by actual
type.

I'll have to take a look. I don't recall seeing it in what Brian Williams
sent, but I might have just missed it.

Thanks, Simon!

--
Jon

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