My guess is that there are many reasons why people do not want to represent.
At first I was afraid to not be able to do it. And that was true because I
struggled with picking up the sensations. I needed more direction than most.
Today, I relish being asked to represent.
I had one person not want to represent because she was afraid of what was
happening, feared what she was sensing and feeling, in spite of being told of
what can happen before hand. She still was not prepared. Yes, we can say, she
needed more preparation and I would agree. Thus far, to my knowledge, this
has been a rare occurrence.
Some would likely not believe what they are experiencing and some feel nothing
and discount what they see happen in the room.
I had one person not come back because he saw men cry when they represented and
of course in his world men do not cry.
I can go on and on...
I am not sure there is one answer to the question. And I wonder if the most
helpful comment to this thread was the comment about asking what it meant to
the person who raised the question in the first place.
As to the question as to why people do not come back. I would say there are as
many reasons for that as well. Sometimes it is not a good fit with the group
or the facilitator. Sometimes it is about not being ready to see what needs to
be seen and sometimes it may simply be that the person’s family field is not
ready, and more...
Being that it is not as popular in North America….think about this…
How many people left their country of birth with love, appreciation and
gratitude for the country they left?
How many left their country of birth because their birth country seemed to not
be able to provide, or felt persecuted, etc.
If that is the case, what does it mean for children, grandchildren, great,
great grandchildren to turn back towards their ancestors, who would they be
loyal to? the ancestors of their birth country or the ancestors who fled their
birth countries?
This is a complicated question with complicated answers. And we all know that
the answer is individual for each person.
submitted with great respect to this forum,
Rosalba
Rosalba Stocco, MSW, RSW,
SE Practitioner
rstocco@xxxxxx
34 Neeve Street
Guelph, ON
N1H 4C1
519 827 0528
On Jan 26, 2014, at 3:44 PM, sanddpogue <sanddpogue@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Thank you all for contributing to this important thread. I've appreciated
the input. I'm wondering how much of the desire not to represent would fit
in the old gestalt concept of "resistance." And what more effective ways
there might be to support the resistance. If people don't feel comfortable
representing, it's probably important to give them a lot of support for not
representing. Would it help to acknowledge that in our culture emotional
experience has been painful -- often treated with exclusion and fear rather
than support. So it makes sense for people to resist. Are there better ways
for constellation groups to provide a safe environment so people might not
feel the need to hold back? Would it help to be more explicit about how the
task of group witnessing and providing a container is such an important role?
Don
Sent from my iPad
On Jan 26, 2014, at 11:52 AM, Anne Becker <annebbecker@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
I have thought a lot about this fascinating thread, with such a variety of
valid perspectives, and today I am particularly trying to decide if I agree
with your analysis of the problem, Dan. It has surprised me in the past when
you suggested that the reason we have such a tough time filling our
workshops here in the U.S. is because people don't like to represent. On the
surface, at least, this idea goes contrary to my experience as a
facilitator. My workshops are always small (unfortunately, due to the nearly
universal problem you are referring to) and so all the participants do a lot
of representing, for better or for worse. At the end of the day they may be
exhausted, but there is a deep, palpable sense of communion with the other
participants. No one wants to leave because they feel so bonded! If you
asked them, they would tell you that the experience of representing was
extraordinarily powerful and growthful for them, that it was a profound time
of feeling the essential oneness of all humanity, that it increased their
compassion, and was absolutely worthwhile...even if they didn't set up their
own constellation. A very, very positive spiritual impact. Because of this
consistent response, I can't even imagine going to exclusively one-on-one
work.
I think the reason everyone doesn't return with a friend, thereby increasing
the size of my workshops so they're not quite so hard on the reps (!) has to
do with a perception summed up in four words: "I don't need it." Like great,
dramatic films and literature, constellation work feeds the soul, but most
of us prioritize just about every other activity before the feeding of our
souls. To spend a whole day doing so feels like such a luxury...an
unamerican luxury. And probably, secretly, most people are a bit afraid of
the powerful emotions they experienced last time, even though they actually
loved the workshop.
I asked my husband why he doesn't attend more of my workshops, even though
he absolutely supports and values my work, and he's still mulling over his
answer! But he feels for many people it is this: in constellation workshops
people are asked to trust an experience that is so outside the box, so
beyond anything they've ever known, that they begin to second-guess
themselves afterwards: " Was I really feeling the feelings of a person who
lived 100 years ago? How is that possible? I think I was just feeling my own
stuff. How humiliating. I'd better not do this again, so I don't feel like
an impostor."
So as someone who doesn't want to give up facilitating this work in a group
setting, I am left puzzling about what to do with all this.
Anne Becker
Cincinnati, Ohio
On Sun, Jan 26, 2014 at 11:01 AM, Dan Booth Cohen, PhD
<danboothcohen@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Hi Chris –
Reflecting on your thought that the reluctance of most people to represent
has been overstated, if the majority of people are keen to represent, then
we would expect attendance at Constellation workshops to grow. People would
return again and again to groups and they would bring friends and loved ones
to stand in representation. From a monthly group of 12 workshop
participants, in a year’s time, the facilitator could expect to have 20
people attending twice-a-month groups. After 5 years, they would be having
weekly workshops and students from their training programs would be having
regular monthly groups.
Fifteen years after Hellinger introduced Constellations in English speaking
countries this is far from the reality. Many of our most senior facilitators
have only monthly groups. Many others have left the scene because too few
people attend group workshops to make working as a facilitator sustainable.
The situation is different in Non-English speaking countries.
Chris, if your sample is people in a group workshop, then I agree that the
majority are keen to represent. But if you look at the broader sample of
people who are invited who decline, those who attend one or two workshops
and then stop, and how many participants return with friends and loved-ones,
it supports my view that the majority of people are not keen to stand in
another’s painful field.
I am not meaning to be discouraging or depressing. In my view, the
Constellation experience remains the most potent, beneficial and
cost-effective therapeutic modality available. In terms of how good they
are, my high aspirations keep being confirmed and exceeded. However, I feel
that the classic way of delivering them is an unsurmountable barrier to
their becoming widely available. There are many effective and efficient ways
to provide the healing experience of a Constellation besides personal
therapy in a group setting. Our dependence on the willingness of a group of
strangers to pay money and devote a day to standing as representatives in
other strangers’ Constellations is a big obstacle.
The answers provided in this thread to Meike’s patient’s question are all
valid. And still, the majority of people when provided with these answers
will say, “No thank you.” What makes most sense to me is offer
Constellations to people who want them; representatives optional.
Dan
Family Constellations Intensive in Ireland
http://hiddensolution.com/ai1ec_event/eire2014/?instance_id=176
From: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] On Behalf OfChris Walsh
Sent: Sunday, January 26, 2014 7:30 AM
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: Re: [ConstellationTalk] suffering from representatives
I agree Heike,
In my workshops & all the workshops and trainings I have attended, the
majority of people are actually keen to represent. While I believe the
reluctance and fear does exist, I also think it has been overstated in some
of the posts over the last few days
Cheers
Chris Walsh
Melbourne, Australia
ph +61 (0)3 9487 4647
www.cwalsh.com.au
On Sun, Jan 26, 2014 at 6:46 PM, Heiki Eesmaa <heiki.eesmaa@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Very interesting thread! I didn't even realize so many people had some
adversity towards representing, somehow it hasn't ever been a problem.
Even contrary to adversity, much of the times even people without training
in energy work experience strong vital energy movements. Movements of the
Soul can be quite similar to Spontaneous Movement Qigong.
all the best
Heiki
On Sat, Jan 25, 2014 at 10:48 PM, Janice Crawford <jcrawford4000@xxxxxxxxx>
wrote:
I particularly liked Chris's suggestion. And in terms of anything
additional, it of course so much depends on what one sensed as a possible
form of defense against natural movements of love and service within this
person. For example, I wonder whether this client is someone with whom one
might go a bit scientific/logical? Perhaps speaking generally to those in
the group who might be having difficulty with understanding representing
(vs. focused on him) about empathy to both pain and pleasure being a
naturally occurring quality in infants - motor neurons, etc.,- that is too
often injured by adulthood in many of us. One might then gently question
whether it would it be worth it to feel some temporary discomfort as a
representative if it also helps us more pleasurably feel our own and others
joy?
All the best from my igloo in New York City,
Jan Crawford
On Sat, Jan 25, 2014 at 1:04 PM, Dan Booth Cohen, PhD
<danboothcohen@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Dear Meike –
In my experience, very few people are willing to offer themselves to go
through the pain of another person. I agree with the responses you received,
especially Sheila’s and Zaquie’s. That is why I am always willing to
represent. However, for most people, it is not something they want to do.
For me, a good day is when I can stand as a women’s sexually abusive
grandfather, then as another women’s kidney disease, and finally represent a
man whose children won’t speak to him. It heals and enriches me. …And, it’s
not to everyone’s taste.
When I was in Norway this fall, I worked with a group of older men with
prostate cancer. The concept of standing in representation and allowing
another man’s hidden family soul to fill their awareness was entirely
foreign to them. They found the suggestion inappropriate and distasteful.
Who is this crazy doctor from America and what he is asking us to do?
The answer I have found is that very few people want to offer themselves in
this way. This is why I prefer to do personal Constellations in a 2-way or
3-way format. When I work with groups, my preference is that those who
attend are coming for a group experience built on ceremony and conceptual
Constellations.
Dan
From: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] On Behalf OfMaria Goossens
Sent: Saturday, January 25, 2014 5:47 AM
To: constellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [ConstellationTalk] suffering from representatives
Hi,
One of my patients looked from the outside of the circle to a constellation
and wondered why representatives offer themselves to go through the pain of
another patient. I couldn't give a right answer. Six days later he repeats
this same question. Again, I wasn't able to answer correctly.
Has anyone an answer on this question ?
Thanks,
Mieke
Maria Goossens, MD
www.dokter-goossens.be
goossens.maria@xxxxxxxxxx
