Wow, thanks all for your responses so far. I raised the question on multiple
levels - personal, philosophical, social, constellation community…and I feel
that people have responded sincerely and variously on all those levels. I note
there are some more spiritual responses - which move towards a grand
‘helicopter’ view, or an embedded injunction to transform my own state of
being. Other views communicate the polarity of life, of which exclusion is one
part. There are evolutionary views, and then some very personal ones.
Its a rich response, which I am both digesting, and feeling warmed by. I love
the self reflectiveness of this group, and the constellation community in
general. I appreciate the willingness to consider how to deal with someone who
holds certain social/professional power and uses that to exclude (as was the
case here). And of course the issue has both my own personal echoes - my
experience as an outsider in Australian society, and my experience in groups of
the split between being involved and included - and being shunned or
marginalised. I think there is no ‘answer’ to this, but the contact of friends,
colleagues, and companions on the journey is strengthening emotionally, and the
content of the responses contains both wisdom, and some very interesting
perspectives.
My current thesis topic - the use of power, is I think relevant on some of
these levels... as some allude to, and Dan specifically addresses. Yes, its
true, the issue of belonging is more fluid in social systems than family
systems, but the exclusion that occurs can be just as hurtful - thats the rub.
Right now I am in Boulder Colorado, about to attend a ‘Right Use of Power’
training with the wonderful Cedar Barstow. I am looking forward to learning
more about this topic I have chosen to investigate deeply, and will be keeping
in mind the issue of exclusion we are discussing here.
There are different types of social exclusion - in the more general sense,
related to embedded aspects of self like gender, sexuality and race. Then there
is exclusion from certain groups, or workplaces, perhaps for more personal
reasons - not liking someone, being offended by them, having significant value
differences. Its true I think, that part of the genesis of this is some kind of
survival instinct - we gather those close we feel similar to or safe with. And
some is our natural preferences, which turn into inclusive/exclusive commands
from a position of power.
Perhaps as Sheila says, exclusion is the norm. The loyalty binds in groups
create tight structures, cohesive and fortified, partly by the ability exclude.
I guess in say Schnarch’s terms, differentiation vs fusion. Cohesiveness (or
confluence in Gestalt terms) (also could be called Groupthink) whether in
couples or groups, that is based on a more fused state is powerful, but
brittle. The maturity of differentiation allows for difference, and
inclusiveness in a healthier way. Thats a journey we are all on, and it has
both personal and social dimensions.
And as Robert says, its not only about justice, its also about the rawness of
self identity and core emotions such as shame, related to acceptance or
rejection.
The more we go to a wider field perspective, as Katia shares, the more we see
simply the fabric of patterns, the sea of relationships, shifting, ultimately
all connected in some way, the sharp edges and distinctions of ‘in’ and ‘out’
are less real. Such larger views for me connect to the spiritual, and the kind
of wisdom that goes with that - essentially ‘all events are the grace of God’
if you want to take a theistic view.
And as Anngwyn points out, exclusion produces not only pain, but also new
directions - a possible benevolent outcome, despite the painfulness and
life-threatening feel or reality. From a social point of view though, thats
like saying that war ends up having some good outcomes because people move to
new countries, or the disruption breaks up fixed ways of being - very
Nietzschean! Well, he had some grain of truth as well of course, though that
can also be used to justify certain actions as well…though I realise Anngwyn
does not mean it in this way.
On one level this is all useful for me to contemplate, not only being on the
other end of exclusion, but where I may - despite my values - perhaps act in
this way myself. That is an edifying consideration, and I will certain reflect
on it in terms of the various levels of power I have - personal, professional
and role based, and in terms of social placement. For instance, I have become
aware of that in China, when I introduce myself. I like to talk about myself,
tell people something about who I am. I include the fact I have been married
twice (which people often feel relief hearing, because its still a bit of a
shameful thing there, and my 5 children and 4 grandchildren. However, I have
come to realise that simply by stating I have that number of offspring, its
painful for Chinese people to hear, as 95% of them only have one child, though
they generally long, deeply, for more. So my statement pegs me in a different
world, which has more freedom, privilege, benefits on a very deep level, and
from which they are excluded by virtue of their nationality.
Thats a more benign example. I will continue to examine my own experience to
find places where I have been less conscious, more active in the place of
excluding.
Deep thanks to all, and I am certainly interested in hearing any further
thoughts or feelings.
Vinay
