I agree with Rachel. I would wait to have the neutrally perceived child
specialist at a meeting to present (again?) why such an arrangement is
likely to be beneficial for the kids AND to address what mechanisms are
needed for the mom to be reasonably comfortable with such a parenting
arrangement[ like the one noted of using the assistance of a counselor ].
I have often addressed such concerns, as the coach/child specialist on a CP
case, by recommending that the family use the services of a family
therapist, available to all family members for a predetermined period [ say
six months ]. The family therapist can monitor and assist on a regular basis
with evaluating how the children are doing in the agreed-upon parenting time
schedule. As part of the collaborative agreement process, the parties can
agree, in advance, that if the proposed parenting plan is not clearly
working for the children and/or the parties, then a predetermined
alternative plan can be reverted back to [ for example, in this case, back
to weekends with dad and during the week with the mom or other
arrangement].Of course, the agreement in advance would say what measurement
will demonstrate that the shared parenting arrangement is not beneficial to
the children [ for example, children's grades have significantly decreased,
children report significant emotional problems to the family therapist, etc.
Jim Musante
Colorado Springs
CP coach and trainer
Rachel Goldman4/16/08 10:50 AM
I strongly recommend NOT forging ahead without the child expert.
Especially where the expert is a neutral, I believe your next meeting
will have a greater chance of being productive if she is there.
Rachel B. Goldman
Collaborative Family Lawyer and Mediator
Ginsburg & Leshin, LLP
One Hollis Street
Suite 423
Wellesley, MA 02482
(781) 235-3332
(781) 235-3021 (fax)
www.glmediation.com <http://www.glmediation.com>
________________________________
From: CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx <mailto:CollabLaw%40yahoogroups.com>
[mailto:CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ;<mailto:CollabLaw%40yahoogroups.com> ] On
Behalf Of Robert Harvie
Sent: Wednesday, April 16, 2008 12:45 PM
To: CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx <mailto:CollabLaw%40yahoogroups.com>
Subject: [CollabLaw] Reaching Out to the Collective Wisdom of the
Listserv
As per usual, the only time I write I need something.. here's my
current dilemma which I would love to get some advice on.
In the midst of a Collab, which has been progressing quite well, but
which has now hit a somewhat significant bump.
Professional father - has worked significant hours and has significant
income.
Mother has been a part-time worker - three kids, all in school - not
considering increasing her employment income at this time.
The financial issues have moved relatively well, even though father is
somewhat agitated with the obligations that are going to arise from the
Divorce considering mother was involved in an extra-marital affair.
Parenting is the significant issue. Father would like a shared
parenting situation, Mother is very firmly entrenched in the "weekend
dad" vision of parenting, as she has, understandably, been more of a
stay-at-home parent than father.
We brought in a child-expert to assist - after meeting with the children
and talking to the parents, at the last meeting, she strongly suggested
a shared-parenting trial period to see how that went. Mother was very
resistant, and upset - but ultimately committed to try it, with
assistance of the counselor on a regular basis for ongoing input.
Three days after making the commitment, mother has changed her mind, and
wants to revisit this decision at another meeting. Father is,
understandably, upset and disillusioned. We arranged for another
meeting, however, the child expert is now unable to attend this
scheduled meeting - do we forge ahead without her? Do we reschedule
when she can be there?
Any suggestions as to how to now proceed, how to approach the difficulty
- how to assure continued commitment to collab and to the wisdom of the
process even when expectations from one meeting aren't met to one or
both parties?
Rob Harvie
Lethbridge, Alberta
