I concur with Rachel. We find this a common problem due to the mixed
practices of most of our coaches out here (private counseling plus
collab). If the rest of you are willing to meet at perhaps an unusual
time or day or the week, to schedule the meeting sooner with the CS,
that is advisable.
One of the perhaps unintended consequences of this development is that
there could be a significant delay while you wait for a meeting with
the CS & team. I believe the benefit of having the CS at the meeting
outweighs the cost of the delay.
You now have bigger issues than the different perspectives on the
kids' schedules--you have what may appear to be a reneging on
agreements. CS's and coaches can only help here.
Kimberly A. Schavey
Kimberly@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
On Apr 16, 2008, at 10:50 AM, Rachel Goldman wrote:
I strongly recommend NOT forging ahead without the child expert.
Especially where the expert is a neutral, I believe your next meeting
will have a greater chance of being productive if she is there.
Rachel B. Goldman
Collaborative Family Lawyer and Mediator
Ginsburg & Leshin, LLP
One Hollis Street
Suite 423
Wellesley, MA 02482
(781) 235-3332
(781) 235-3021 (fax)
www.glmediation.com <http://www.glmediation.com>
________________________________
From: CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx [mailto:CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] On
Behalf Of Robert Harvie
Sent: Wednesday, April 16, 2008 12:45 PM
To: CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [CollabLaw] Reaching Out to the Collective Wisdom of the
Listserv
As per usual, the only time I write I need something.. here's my
current dilemma which I would love to get some advice on.
In the midst of a Collab, which has been progressing quite well, but
which has now hit a somewhat significant bump.
Professional father - has worked significant hours and has significant
income.
Mother has been a part-time worker - three kids, all in school - not
considering increasing her employment income at this time.
The financial issues have moved relatively well, even though father is
somewhat agitated with the obligations that are going to arise from the
Divorce considering mother was involved in an extra-marital affair.
Parenting is the significant issue. Father would like a shared
parenting situation, Mother is very firmly entrenched in the "weekend
dad" vision of parenting, as she has, understandably, been more of a
stay-at-home parent than father.
We brought in a child-expert to assist - after meeting with the children
and talking to the parents, at the last meeting, she strongly suggested
a shared-parenting trial period to see how that went. Mother was very
resistant, and upset - but ultimately committed to try it, with
assistance of the counselor on a regular basis for ongoing input.
Three days after making the commitment, mother has changed her mind, and
wants to revisit this decision at another meeting. Father is,
understandably, upset and disillusioned. We arranged for another
meeting, however, the child expert is now unable to attend this
scheduled meeting - do we forge ahead without her? Do we reschedule
when she can be there?
Any suggestions as to how to now proceed, how to approach the difficulty
- how to assure continued commitment to collab and to the wisdom of the
process even when expectations from one meeting aren't met to one or
both parties?
Rob Harvie
Lethbridge, Alberta
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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