OK, I consolidated the posts so far. For ease of reference, the issues
not yet fully resolved are:
tssf: comma vs. dash
265, 326: C'mon Cal
350: reputation glorified?
On 08-Oct-15 9:37 PM, Jonathan Blake wrote:
On Thu, 8 Oct 2015 at 04:41 Simon Osborne wrote:
Not Fixed:
(ne) The Story So Far: [SO: Are we happy with the small illustration
placements here?]
I think they're a nice touch.
(er) The Story So Far: your customized roadster and a gasolene tanker
-> your customized roadster, and a gasolene tanker [so: Serial
comma]
Agreed.
(er) The Story So Far: [SO: Inconsistent quote mark usage: the
'Mavericks' vs. the Saints. In the printed book, there are no quote
marks around 'Mavericks', though they are used in Tssf for Books 2
and 3. We should standardise this. Suggest: the Saints -> the
'Saints' (first use only) for consistency. Else, revise Books 1-3 to
remove the quotation marks around 'Mavericks', 'Lions', etc.]
Agreed to using quotation marks on the first mention.
Also suggest switching the dashes for commas:
tssf: another HAVOC clan--the Saints--who were based in New Orleans
-> another HAVOC clan, the 'Saints', who were based in New Orleans
(er) 51: One Pistol [SO: Is the word "One" necessary? I don't recall
this in the earlier books]
That is weird. I'd say remove the "One".
(er) 109: [SO: Start a new paragraph when Cookie speaks after
"bridge."]
Agreed.
(er) 131: Quick Cal -> Quick, Cal
There's another comma right afterwards: "Quick Cal, let's get him
before he gets away." Adding a comma (or possibly breaking this into
two sentences) makes it seem too choppy for the hurried tone of this
passage.
(ne) 131: him..., and -> him...and [SO: Unless this comma is desired
here, in which case record its addition on the Errata Page.]
Agreed.
(er) 155: into the truck -> into the trunk
Agreed.
(er) 160: wouldn't you Phoenix -> wouldn't you, Phoenix
Agreed.
(er) 192: C'mon Cal -> C'mon, Cal
Original: C'mon Cal, we've gotta get back
What do you think of "C'mon, Cal. We've gotta get back"?
(er) 265: C'mon Cal -> C'mon, Cal
Same hurried tone as 131?
(er) 295: Murdered by the looks -> Murdered, by the looks
Agreed.
(er) 305: [SO: Paragraph break after "muses Rickenbacker."]
Agreed.
(er) 342: [SO: Add paragraph break after "cuts you off."]
Agreed.
(er) 350: Your reputation is further glorified [SO: is "glorified"
appropriate? Would "enhanced" be more accurate?]
Maybe so, but it doesn't seem like "glorified" is exactly wrong
either.
1: mountains of southwest California -> mountains of southern
California
I've never heard the region called southwest California. Has anyone
else? The shape of the state means that Los Angeles and San Diego are
both farther _east_ than the northeastern corner of the state. In
light of it's unusual position, it feels odd to call this area
southwest California.
2: carried all the way to the top up a flight of stairs -> carried
all the way to the top, up several flights of stairs
There's more than one flight of stairs to the top of the tower,
surely? (The comma also makes it read better for me.)
289: milometer > odometer
I know we just changed this, but I just discovered that 152 uses
"odometer", so we should probably go with that for consistency.
On Thu, 8 Oct 2015 at 05:49 Benjamin Krefetz wrote:
(er) 29: the Tyler tow truck -> the Tylers' tow truck [SO: There are
two Tylers; cf. Section 48]
"the Tyler tow truck" still sounds fine to me with two Tylers, though
it does sound a bit colloquial in that case.
Agreed, Ben. I read it like "the Peterson farm" or "the Smith place".
Colloquial, but probably appropriate here.
(er) 56: You pull off the freeway and follow the service road towards
a diner, the largest building in the rest-stop complex, and park your
roadster [so: Suggest changing "freeway and follow" to "freeway,
follow"]
If we make this change we should also change "the largest building in
the rest-stop complex" to being set off with dashes, otherwise the
sentence mixes serial and subclause commas in a confusing way..
Agreed: "You pull off the freeway, follow the service road towards a
diner--the largest building in the rest-stop complex--and park your
roadster".
(er) 129: most part of an hour [so: Is this idiom OK? Usually, I'd
say 'the best part of an hour', not 'the most part of'.]
I'd say "the better part of an hour", but maybe that's just American
usage. Checking Google, "the better part of an hour" gets 357k hits,
"the best part of an hour" gets 333k hits, and "the most part of an
hour" gets 23.6M(!!!) hits. On the other hand, the first hits for
each of "the better" and "the best" are dictionary definitions, while
the first hits for "the most" tend to be reviews and other unofficial
usage, so "the most" may be too colloquial for use in a book.
It's not an idiom that I remember hearing, but apparently it's in
use. I think its meaning is clear enough, but I'm really tempted to
say we should change it to "better"... Let's leave it as-is.
(er) 319: San Cristobal Bridge -> San Cristobal bridge [SO: Maybe?
cf. "Santa Rosa bridge" in Section 315]
Yeah, with a quick Google search, the bridge on I-8 over the San
Cristobal Wash doesn't look so big as to be named, and the only
bridge bearing the name San Cristobal Bridge is in Mexico.
Agreed.
(er) 339: Nevada desert -> Nevada Desert
Keep as-is. There are multiple deserts in Nevada, and no single one
has the name Nevada Desert.
As a native, :) I can tell you that you can visit the Mojave Desert
or the Great Basin Desert in Nevada, but there is no such place as
the Nevada Desert.
