[win2kforum] Re: My life
- From: David Williams <David.Williams@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: "'win2kforum@xxxxxxxxxxxxx'" <win2kforum@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Thu, 10 May 2001 17:03:09 -0400
A little OFF TOPIC I think!
DW
-----Original Message-----
From: Andrew L Shriner [mailto:andrew@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx]
Sent: Thursday, May 10, 2001 4:59 PM
To: Undisclosed-Recipient:@core.greenapple.com;
Subject: [win2kforum] My life
Importance: High
(Please excuse any profanity this message may have. I'll try not to use it;
but right now I'm mad at my parents.)
There have been a LOT of people who have asked me what is going on in my
life, showed support, etc. I love to chat about such things, but I don't
have time to retype the exact same message over and over. Here's what's
actually happening.
I know that this message may seem redundant to some, since some know more
about me than others, but this message is being sent to many people, and I
don't have time to individually change the message.
First of all, some of you know that I'm gay, and some of you don't. So there
it is. If you don't like it, either unsubscribe from the mailing lists that
I moderate, because I'm intolerant of homophobes, or adjust. Sorry to sound
rude; homophobic people have really gotten on my nerves in the last few
days.
As I said, I'm gay, and my parents are extremely homophobic. My dad throws a
fit and loses his temper if I so much as go to McDonald's, since they openly
hire gays (or so he has said). Therefore, I can't tell my parents. I'm
afraid for my life because I don't know what they would do if they did find
out. My sister already told them of the rumors going around the school that
I'm gay, and I denied it. I think that mom believed me, I'm not sure.
My parents have been emotionally abusing me for almost 7 years. That's
around the time that my uncle died and my mom started college again, and has
since believed that she knows everything. Both of my parents make fun of me
for everything I do and try to do. Nothing I do is right, according to them.
My grades are slipping because I can't concentrate in school, I'm too
concerned about home, etc. It's sort-of a catch 22. I can't remember when I
last received a compliment from them. It's been ages.
I just can't handle the situation by myself any more. I told a few teachers
at the highschool, as well as a few friends that I trust. I haven't told
that many people, though. One person, that I have not told, walked in the
auditorium yesterday, and practically screamed "Looks like there's a faggot
on the catwalk!!!" I ran over to the other side of the catwalk, but didn't
see who it was. I have a good idea though. Had I gotten there in time, he
may just have met a 200 pound 10 mirror reflection spotlight on it's way to
the floor to greet him. (No, I wouldn't have done it, but it would be nice
to give him the scare of his life. He doesn't realize how many daggers he is
throwing each time he says that stuff.)
Mom took my computer a few days ago, and locked it in her office. She then
locks the office at night, so I can't use it while she's asleep. Sad thing;
I'm very much more productive in the middle of the night for some reason.
Last night, mom said that I wasn't going to have access to the computer at
all tonight. By some devine intervention or something, the lock on the door
failed to close. That's how I'm able to send this e-mail. While she was on
her screaming streak last night, she also forbade me from ever helping the
music department again. Simply put, like hell am I going to leave the
department. The music department means the world to me. Sometimes, even more
than computers do. I don't care how terrible my mom tries to make my life,
she will fail. I don't care if I literally have to walk the 20 miles to the
school, I will help the department, and I will be at every last damn music
booster meeting. (Since this message is going to one of the music department
directors, do NOT try to stop me from helping you or slow down the pace any.
I WILL continue to help, no matter what mom says!)
I was about to commit suicide a couple of weeks ago, when I suddenly had the
urge to call my best friend in Columbus. I didn't tell him what I was about
to do, but his words calmed me down enough that I realized that I never want
to do that. He also said that if I was ever in danger, to just call, and
he'd help out any way possible ASAP. If I ever have that feeling again, I
will call him or some other adult that I trust.
I promised the technology director today that I would talk to one of the
guidance counselors tomorrow. So now I just need to decide which one. I'm
sure that they will try to get me professional help. It will probably hinder
more than help, but oh well. I'm willing to try anything.
I need to get going. If you have further questions, please ask them! I love
to chat with people. (My contact info is somewhere in my signature lines
below this message.) I just wanted to let everyone know this up front, so I
didn't have to type everything over and over many times. Feel free to send
me a message any time, I just don't know how soon I will get to it. I will
actually have some online access, but not much. Just don't send anything
time sensitive.
Andrew
-----
"A true friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it
back to you when you have forgotten the words."
-----
Andrew L Shriner
Shriner Technology
andrew@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
-----
ICQ: 9284919
AIM: shrinercomp
Yahoo: shrinertech
MSN: shrinercomp
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