[ SHOWGSD-L ] Reminder in Saying Goodbye
- From: "Kathy Partch" <kathy@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <showgsd-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 29 Aug 2014 14:03:58 -0700
Saying goodbye to anything is heart-wrenching. Yes. And saying goodbye to
an animal of any kind is never easy. I've been through this a number of
times as the many of you have as well. I've witnessed more of the most
painful broken hearts in the loss of an animal than some losing a family
member or friend. Some of us can be just that way towards that certain
animal. Why does a heart turn that way? My husband has been one of them. He
grieved so hard after he lost his last GSD that often to this day he still
reminds me: "I'll never want to hurt like that again!" We have often talked
about this kind of pain. He said he felt guilty he didn't have those
feelings for the loss of his mother, father, etc., when they passed. What
makes different heart-connections like this happen when we bond so tightly
with an animal? Do we hold some kind of spiritual bond with them? A bond so
strong we become one spirit? I know a guy that just lost his horse. His
grieving was so powerful he didn't think he could go on living. He wrote
about his pain. It was so touching I'll never forget his words. How
terrifying and sad to hear. But after some time he did move on which was
relieving to hear. But for my husband, he never did get another dog because
of this incredible pain that still seems like yesterday. In other words, I
feel he has continued to suffer because he has now lost precious days given
to him that could've been given to another dog. And the loss for that that
dog whoever may have been. But I can't make those decisions for others. To
watch such pain at that time when my husband said goodbye to his shepherd
was just horrible. I think the most of you or all know what I'm talking
about. Kathy Partch <http://www.jokaysedona.com/> www.JoKaySedona.com
I'm sharing this information only as a reminder to our selves: Living with a
pet means friendship, responsibility and forming a loving bond that can last
a lifetime.
The sad truth is that many owners outlive their companion animals, forcing
them to begin a difficult grieving process not everyone acknowledges or
understands. "Whether an animal dies, is lost or stolen or must be placed in
a new home, sorrow is a normal and natural reaction to the loss of a beloved
friend," according to the Twin Cities-based Animal Humane Society. "But our
culture doesn't provide us with the rituals to help us mourn the loss of a
companion animal as it does the loss of a human."
Like any grieving process, mourning for a pet is a deeply personal
experience that will be felt differently depending on the individual, said
Dr. Jennifer Scott, a veterinarian at a Veterinary Clinic in MN. "There's no
right way to do it," said Scott, who tells clients that it's OK to feel sad
after a pet is put down. She said one of the best things for grieving pet
owners is to draw on family members and support networks for help.
Parents and children: The issue can be especially difficult with children,
for whom the death of a pet may be their first experience with mortality.
Scott's advice for parents broaching the subject depends on the age of the
child, but typically includes holding a memorial, be it planting a tree or
drawing a picture - anything to acknowledge the child's feelings. Parents
should not hide their sadness or say that a dead pet has simply run off, as
it can cause children to feel betrayed when they learn the truth, according
to the Humane Society of the United States. Expressing grief in front of
children can help assure them that their sadness is an acceptable reaction.
In place of a backyard burial, our Family Funeral Home where I live in MN
offers private cremation services for pets. Animals are cremated alone and
returned to owners in an urn for memorializing. Another reaction by grieving
pet owners may be to immediately replace it with a new animal. Scott said
that can work for some people, but suggests giving it time before making a
new commitment. "I usually tell people to listen to their inner voice on
that one," she said, "because sometimes if you get a pet too soon you end up
resenting it if it has different needs, or you'll compare that pet to the
old one."
A big day: Scott has 10 years of experience in the veterinary field,
including providing euthanasia services. She also has experience with it in
her personal life, having done the procedure on her own pets. "It was one of
the things I almost didn't go to vet school over because I didn't think I
could do it," Scott said on the prospect of ending the life of an animal.
It's never an easy decision to make, she said, but it can help to look at it
from the perspective that putting down a pet is often the humane thing to
do. "It's kind of a gift we have that we can help end their suffering,"
Scott said, adding that she's gotten more thank you notes from owners of
pets she's put down than those she's healed. "Which is odd, but it shows how
big a deal it is for them when they come in for that appointment," she said.
"You don't remember all the vaccine visits, but you remember that last day."
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