[ SHOWGSD-L ] Re: Living With Alzheimer's (A Must Read)
- From: Margery Golant <mgolant@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <WALFLWR2@xxxxxxx>,<showgsd-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 18 Aug 2006 12:09:33 -0400
Lana, have you talked to Gail recently ? She is on medication that has her
disease under control, which may not have been available for your husband.
I have spoken to Gail recently, and was surprised and relieved at how much she
is exactly the very same Gail Sprock I have known and respected all these years.
Please call her, discuss her disease with her. She is very open about it, very
willing to talk. I am sure you will change your evaluation of her
circumstances if you do.
Margy
============================================================
From: WALFLWR2@xxxxxxx
Date: 2006/08/18 Fri PM 12:00:10 EDT
To: showgsd-l@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [ SHOWGSD-L ] Living With Alzheimer's (A Must Read)
As some of you may know, in 1992 I married a wonderful man who was 22 years
older than I was, and who I had dated for 2 years before marrying. He was
kind, loving, the perfect gentleman and we had a ton of fun for 4 years.
Then, after 2 years of marriage, I began noticing changes in his behavior.
He kept forgetting things. I had to repeat things over & over because he
couldn't seem to retain them. He became anxious about doing things he had
done
all his life. He developed unreasonable jealousy and was paranoid about many
everyday events. All through this he was terrified inside because he was
aware that something was happening that was causing him to lose control
As the disease progressed, he became combative and angry, lashing out over
things that existed only in his mind. His paranoia was rampant and he would
tell anyone who would listen of how I was cheating on him with total
strangers, how I was trying to kill him, how I would hide things from him
because I
was trying to drive him crazy. We would argue about the men who were living in
the attic with whom I was having affairs while he was asleep (we don't even
have an attic). He had three car accidents before I was finally able to get
his car keys away from him. He tried to keep the company books until we
looked
closer to find bills weren't getting paid, the filing was a disaster and I
found both the ledger AND several uncashed checks in the freezer.
During all this downhill progression, he was able to employ impeccable
social skills to maintain a facade for others. He was capable of holding
superficial conversations and greeted people even though he might not remember
their
names or how he knew them, he could ask about their health, day, family, all
things the kept others from knowing how truly ill he was. As a result, many of
those that knew him were sure he was fine, his usual old self, and that I
was making up stories for whatever reason. This included his adult children,
who preferred to think Dad was just forgetful rather than face the truth that
he was suffering from a devastating disease. Alzheimer's patients are very
able to function during usual light activities, but start decompressing by
evening, a phase that's labeled "Twilight Syndrome".
By the time I could no longer deal with him at home while working, he had
become abusive, attempting to hit me on more than one occasion. Anyone ever
meeting Jim while he was himself, would find this statement incredible. My
kind Kentucky gentleman eventually became physically and verbally abusive,
mean
and nasty. The disease cause a reversal of personality and turns those we
love & care about into a paranoid monster, but who looks and sounds like that
person we knew.
Alzheimer's patients feverently believe their delusions because it is their
reality. That is why they are so believable when relaying them to others.
People who talk to them only occasionally will be disbelieving that there is
anything wrong with the patient's thought process because the conversation
will seem so normal. Until the disease is so advanced that they patient needs
to be institutionalized, they will continue to convince people they are fine.
It will only be those of us that deal with this disease day in and day out
that are fully aware of how the disease ravages and steals our loved one.
Until someone has been through this living hell, they simply cannot
understand (or may refuse to understand) how truly awful the situation. They
will
disbelieve because they rely on their own brief encounters ("Why I just talked
to him at the market, on the phone, on street, and they seemed absolutely
fine!").
I adore Gail Sprock. She has been a friend for more years than either of
should admit. But she is suffering from a disease that distorts her reality,
although she is unaware of it. Gail has always been a bright, funny, and
honorable person, but the Gail that we are now dealing with is not the Gail of
old, or even of a year ago. She may look and sound like our Gail, but believe
me, inside there is now someone very different who will continue to
deteriorate.
I HATE this disease!!! I lived with it for over four years until Jim died
in 2000. It stripped him of his dignity, identity and very self, eventually
leaving only a shell that looked and sounded like my dear Jim Wallace. It is a
living death. The only saving grace is that the patient eventually becomes
unaware of what they've lost. But their loved ones will never forget what
has been destroyed by the disease.
If you really want to understand the disease, there is a book that is always
recommended, "The 36 Hour Day". Those of you that insist Gail is fine and
lucid, should read this book. She is not fine and she is lucid ONLY by
superficial standards. You do her a disservice by denying there is anything
amiss.
Acknowledging problems do not mean you care any less, but will give allow you
to address how to deal with them. This has been VERY difficult to write as I
am having to face something that destroyed someone I loved is now attacking
someone I care about and I'm watching people on this list indulging in
ugliness with Gail at the center of the maelstrom.
Please, PLEASE, take it from someone with first hand knowledge, understand
Gail is no longer herself.
Lanalee Jorgensen
Lanalee Jorgensen
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POST is Copyrighted 2006. All material remains the property of the original
author and of GSD Communication, Inc. NO REPRODUCTIONS or FORWARDS of any kind
are permitted without prior permission of the original author AND of the
Showgsd-l Management. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
ALL PERSONS ARE ON NOTICE THAT THE FORWARDING, REPRODUCTION OR USE IN ANY
MANNER OF ANY MATERIAL WHICH APPEARS ON SHOWGSD-L WITHOUT THE EXPRESS
PERMISSION OF ALL PARTIES TO THE POST AND THE LIST MANAGEMENT IS EXPRESSLY
FORBIDDEN, AND IS A VIOLATION OF LAW. VIOLATORS OF THIS PROHIBITION WILL BE
PROSECUTED.
For assistance, please contact the List Management at admin@xxxxxxxxxxxx
VISIT OUR WEBSITE - URL temporarily deleted due to AOL issues
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