[real-eyes] Re: Helpdesk Rules
- From: "Ben Blagg" <bblagg@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: <real-eyes@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 19 Jan 2007 06:26:45 -0600
I remembaerr where all the bodies were buried. But I'm not tellin.
Ben Blagg
Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep
voting on what to have for dinner.
---James Bovard
----- Original Message -----
From: "Chip Bloch" <Chip.Bloch@xxxxxxxxx>
To: <real-eyes@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Thursday, January 18, 2007 8:12 AM
Subject: [real-eyes] Re: Helpdesk Rules
> I don't know Andrea. I remember sometimes when, your former students,
> Suzanne Snow and Chip Bloch, pushed a button or two of yours.
>
> >>> "Andrea Breier" <abreier@xxxxxxxxx> 1/17/2007 10:47 PM >>>
> Wow, I think this might be to stressful of a job if this is it's
> result. I
> worked for 13 years training newly blind students and they were having
> to
> learn new adaptive stuff to boot and I don't think their lack of
> knowledge
> ever made me feel this angry with my paying customers.
>
> Andrea Breier, President, Heartland Guide Dog Users
>
> "Do you think I am trying to make people accept me? No, God is the One
> I am
> trying to please. Am I trying to please people? If I still wanted to
> please
> people, I would not be a servant of Christ." (Galatians 1:10)
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Orlowski, Todd P" <todd@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
> To: "Sue Lednicky" <lednickys@xxxxxxxxxx>; "Miah" <nrh@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>;
>
> "MaryCatherine Vollmer" <mcvollmer@xxxxxxxxx>; "Kelly Stannfield"
> <kstannfield@xxxxxxxxx>; "JC" <jc@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>; "Chris Naylor"
> <fredricknaylor@xxxxxxxxxxx>; "Connie Schmeckel"
> <connie_ss_speed@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>; "Brandie" <deaftaz14@xxxxxxxxxxx>
> Cc: <real-eyes@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
> Sent: Wednesday, January 17, 2007 8:56 PM
> Subject: [real-eyes] Helpdesk Rules
>
>
> I figured you all might enjoy these! I have actually had some of these
>
> happen like the 50 degit hex number.
> These are the unwritten rules from the highly over worked, but highly
> under
> paid technical support staff at an Internet service provider near
> you...
>
> 1. DO NOT talk over me. Listen damn it, you can't do what I tell you to
> do
> constantly jabbering bullshit over me. I talk... you do. Why did you
> even
> ask me a question if you are going to fucking answer it?
>
> 2. DO NOT call me and then put me on hold. You called me, genius. You
> want
> my help, stay on the fucking line and listen. We have much better
> things to
> do than talk to you anyway.
>
> 3. DO NOT read long error messages to me unless I ask you to. Do you
> honestly think we get anything out of a 50 digit hex number???
>
> 4. DO NOT start off a call by saying anything in the neighborhood of
> "hi,
> how's it going" or "busy today?" That just serves to piss us off. Get
> to the
> problem so we can get you off the phone. The day was great until I had
> to
> start answering your totally moronic questions.
>
> 5. DO NOT get pissed when we tell you that your system is royally
> fucked. We
> didn't fuck it up. It wasn't us. We're simply telling it like it is.
>
> 6. DO NOT call about unrelated products. We DO NOT know the intimate
> details
> of every piece o' shit shareware program you dredge out of the
> internet. Nor
> do we want to. Stop it!
>
> 7. We DO NOT manufacture modems, write e-mail programs or engineer
> browsers.
> If something in this arena goes wrong, call the people who made the
> goddamned thing. YOU DON'T USE THE INTERNET TO FAX!!! Can't stress that
> one
> enough.
>
> 8. DO NOT compare us to AOL when something goes wrong with your
> connection
> to us. If you had the computer literacy of an 8 year old with a broken
> Atari
> 2600 you'd know better. Everyone else connects just fine. It's just
> you.
> Keep that in mind. It's just you.
>
> 9. DO NOT call simply for the purpose of giving us your thoughts on the
>
> content of our homepage or to request that we send you flyers so you
> can
> pass them out at bridge tournaments and bingo night. Not only is this a
>
> waste of our time, but it encourages just the type of user tech support
> reps
> fear most... the elderly.
>
> 10. DO NOT make us sit there on the phone while you tip toe through
> setup
> instructions so easy they were originally tested on lab chimps. We have
>
> better things to do than act as zoo keepers.
>
> 11. DO NOT call us and complain about a problem with your system and
> then
> say you're not in front of your computer when we try and help you. We
> aren't
> technological psychics.
>
> 12. DO NOT call us assuming the problem you're experiencing is our
> fault. If
> your computer crashes, performs illegal operations, gives you the blue
>
> screen of death, or flips you off and runs away with the fucking
> toaster to
> Mexico, you can be damn certain it isn't us who caused it.
>
> 13. DO NOT call us and announce to us that you don't know anything
> about
> computers. This really pisses us off. Trust me, we're well aware of
> that
> fact. We figured it out the minute you called and announced "help, the
>
> internet
> is broken!" Something here definitely needs help. People who know
> computers
> don't call us.
>
> 14. DO NOT call us and act as if you know all that are computers and
> that
> you're doing us a favor by gracing us with your call. This pisses us
> off
> more than 13. Chiming in with stupid suggestions and comments only
> increases
> the already tremendous temptation we face to use you as an unwitting
> instrument of destruction and really do some damage to your system. Not
> that
> you'd notice.
>
> 15. DO NOT (in addition to 14) say acronyms you don't know the meaning
> of or
> even what they are for. Just admin your completely lost and leave the
> techno
> bullshit to us.
>
> 16. DO NOT call in if you can't speak English. This might seem like a
> small
> thing to you, but we find it just a tad annoying when we try and assess
> your
> problem and we can only understand every fifth word you say. And no,
> just
> because those words may be 'computer' or 'broken' doesn't absolve you
> of the
> offense.
>
> 17. DO NOT call in hoping to get another tech rep to tell you something
>
> different than the first one did. If one of us tells you your system is
>
> fucked, it's fucked. The second guy is going to simply look at the log
> and
> tell you the same thing, it's fucked. That is of course unless you
> really
> piss him off and then he's going to make sure your computer has the
> functionality of a house plant.
>
> 18. DO NOT be stoned or drunk when you call us. You wouldn't think this
>
> would need to actually be said, but believe me it's come up. For god
> sakes,
> if you can't control yourself and must call, at least have the common
> courtesy to offer us some of what you're on.
>
> To subscribe or to leave the list, or to set other subscription
> options, go
> to www.freelists.org/list/real-eyes
>
>
>
> --
> No virus found in this incoming message.
> Checked by AVG Free Edition.
> Version: 7.1.410 / Virus Database: 268.16.13/632 - Release Date:
> 1/16/2007
>
>
> To subscribe or to leave the list, or to set other subscription
> options, go to www.freelists.org/list/real-eyes
>
>
> To subscribe or to leave the list, or to set other subscription options,
go to www.freelists.org/list/real-eyes
>
>
>
> --
> No virus found in this incoming message.
> Checked by AVG Free Edition.
> Version: 7.5.431 / Virus Database: 268.16.14/637 - Release Date: 1/18/07
1:03 PM
>
>
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