[lit-ideas] Re: Memorial to the Unknown Tree

  • From: Eric Yost <NYCEric@xxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Thu, 11 Nov 2004 20:51:46 -0500

Jack Huckaboomloo,
Associate Partner,
Laurels-Swan-Locust, Inc.
Memorial to the Unknown Tree by David Ritchie Foundation
1611 Memorial to the Unknown Tree Road
Ritchie, VA 20010

The Pretty Reverend Shelby Coote
St. Beowulf's Priory
12 Reformation Road
Yorkshire, UF8 2ME

Dear Rev. Pretty Coote:

Thank you for writing to the Memorial to the Unknown Tree by David 
Ritchie Foundation. Responding to your requests is, after all, a living 
that keeps me from state-operated MICA residences. . . even though it 
saps energy and far too much time from my true calling, Balinese 
dancing, the Legong and Barong I know so well.

I have forwarded your request for charitable memorabilia to Mr. Ritchie, 
who, I am pleased to relate, was most amenable. He strongly believes 
that a terrible work of art can have no finer outcome than helping to 
provide a few oak beams for a medieval chapel.

Arriving via intercontinental freight in a few days, will be a fine 
Elder tree box containing Charles Saatchi, compressed under the enormous 
pressure of 3.5 million atmospheres. This miracle of high-pressure 
physics will reveal to your donors a rich variety of transitions and 
behavior providing fundamental insight into the physics of van der Waals 
and H-bonds, and additionally serve to model their studies of high 
pressure on magnetic ordering and on mixed molecular systems (with 
relevance to planetary modeling), high-pressure polymerization and the 
search for new materials. I suggest that bidding should start at several 
hundred pounds.

Let me stress that under no circumstances are you or your staff to 
attempt to open the box. Due to the kinetics of phase transitions, 
Charles Saatchi may undergo a surprising, exothermic, and quite messy 
inelastic scattering from the dynamics of repressurization.

Again, let me extend Mr. Ritchie's best wishes for you and for the 
efforts you make on behalf of St. Beowulf's. And now back to my barong!

Yours sincerely,
Jack Huckaboomloo,
Associate Partner,
Laurels-Swan-Locust, Inc.

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