[lit-ideas] Re: Einstein
- From: Robert Paul <robert.paul@xxxxxxxx>
- To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Mon, 31 Oct 2005 19:12:31 -0800
SCENE: Swiss Patent Office. A scruffy looking man is sitting with his
feet up on a gray, steel desk. Einstein enters, stage right. His long
hair is full of bits and pieces of what looks like dried kelp. He is
wearing a tie-died T-shirt, predominately orange and blue.
MAN AT THE DESK: Wa’sup?
EINSTEIN: Wa’sup, man? Got any weed?
MAN; Al, don’t you think you ought to ease off on the dope? I mean, with
a mind like yours and all? Recent studies show…
EINSTEIN: Right, Dude, my powerful mind. What do you think keeps this
powerful mind going? That’s right, Colombian vitamins. So?
MAN: So, I got nothin’.
EINSTEIN: What’s in the drawer?
MAN: Nothin’. Buncha papers. Old rubber bands, paper clips. The detritus
of a botched civilization. Usual shit.
EINSTEIN: Lemme see. [He walks behind the desk and opens a drawer,
reaches into it and takes out small, drawstring packet.] What’s this, then?
MAN [grabbing Einstein’s arm]: Hands off! That’s my medicinal stash.
[They wrestle for a few seconds. Einstein overpowers the man and holds
the packet aloft. Deftly, he sprinkles a healthy amount of marijuana
onto a strip of cigarette paper and rolls a fat joint.]
EINSTEIN: Got a light?
MAN: Here.
EINSTEIN [lighting his joint and inhaling deeply]: Not bad. [He passes
the joint to the man. For several minutes they pass the joint back and
forth.] You know what? I mean, you know, seriously, what? [The man
giggles. Einstein starts to laugh.] S’really funny, really, really funny.]
MAN: Funny.
EINSTEIN: I forgot what? Wha’d I say?
MAN: What?
EINSTEIN: What? What’d I what? [They both laugh hysterically. Einstein
begins to cough.] Powerful shit, man. More powerfuller than I think. Did
think. I mean, aw, man. What I’d wanta know, like to know, is, like, what?
MAN: You the genius, man, not me.
EINSTEIN: Right, genius. [He breaks down laughing again.] Supposed to go
in straight line, right?
MAN: Straight line. You got it.
EINSTEIN: It don’t. Doesn’t. S’more like an egg. [The man stops
laughing. Einstein’s face lights up.] Dude, it curves.
MAN: Far out. I mean, you made that up yourself, right? Because you’re a
genius. Hey, man, I knew it. I knew it. Genius talk. [He stands up. He
and Einstein bump chests.] ‘Stockholm calling! Where can we deliver that
prize check, already made out to Mr. A. Einstein in the amount of ten
million Swiss francs?’
EINSTEIN: Yeah, I wish.
[They both sit down again. Einstein rolls another joint and they smoke
in silence.]
MAN: You still read, what's that—Alien Physics?
EINSTEIN: Annalen der Physik?
MAN: Yeah.
EINSTEIN: Sometimes I do the crossword.
----------------------------
Trebor Laup
Author of Stockholm Calling! How to Prepare Your Nobel Acceptance
Speech, in Five Simple Steps
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