[lit-ideas] Re: A little Friday humor
- From: "Walter C. Okshevsky" <wokshevs@xxxxxx>
- To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx, Andy <mimi.erva@xxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Sat, 15 Oct 2011 13:33:10 -0230
Some good stuff here, Andy. Reminds us that comedy, like philosophy, can be a
conduit for reflection upon the nature and conditions of practical wisdom. No
kidding. Thanks for sharing.
But who is "Henry Youngman"?
Don't take my wife ... please.
Walter O
Victor Borge Professor of Aristotelian Comedy
Universitaet Lustigburgh
Quoting Andy <mimi.erva@xxxxxxxxx>:
> Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a
> restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and
> dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." ~ Henry Youngman
>
> It is bad luck to fall out of a thirteenth story window on Friday. ~American
> Proverb
>
>
> If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday. ~Noel Coward
>
> I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35%
> Thursday, 4% Friday. ~ Author Unknown
>
>
> I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall
> under the ruthless domination of our solar system. Deep Thoughts by Jack
> Handey
>
> We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them
> personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me. Deep Thoughts by
> Jack Handey
>
> If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God
> is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him
> is "Probably because of something you did." Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
>
> I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot
> of money.' Jack Handey
>
> If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace
> for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting
> started. Anon
>
> "When Arizona became a state in 1912, the first man it sent to the United
> States Senate was a loquacious cowboy called Henry Fountain Ashurst. In his
> first address to the Senate, Mr Ashurst boasted that Arizona was 'poised to
> become a veritable paradise.' Only two things were needed, he said: 'Water,
> and lots of good people'. According to legend, a senator from New England
> responded, 'If the gentleman from Arizona will forgive me, that's all they
> need in hell.'" Seen in "The Economist"
>
> A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat
> cop if you run. Dennis Miler
>
> The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money.
> David Richerby
>
> If you are completely buried in an avalanche, dig a small hole around you and
> spit in it. The saliva will fall down, giving you an idea of which direction
> is up. Dig up. A survival tip from the "Worst Case Scenario" calendar
>
> "To err is human, to forgive divine. Neither of which is the policy of the US
> Marine Corps." United States Marine Corps slogan
>
> When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had
> anything to play with. Rodney Dangerfield
>
> After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought
> tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.' Ronnie Shakes
>
> I am all in favour of spontaneity, providing it is carefully planned and
> ruthlessly controlled. John Gielgud, "Forty Years On"
>
> I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I can hurl
> tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I translate
> ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water,
> I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a
> horde of ferocious army ants. I don't perspire. Children trust me. I know the
> exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed covert
> operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week. The laws of physics do not apply
> to me. In response to the "Anything else" section on an application form
>
> Be wary of strong spirits. It can make you shoot at tax collectors ... and
> miss. Robert A. Heinlein
>
> It is a sobering thought, for example, that when Mozart was my age, he had
> been dead for two years. Tom Lehrer
>
> Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you
> get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to
> the duck." Rodney Dangerfield
>
> He who laughs last thinks slowest.
>
> She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
>
> Once I saw a vegetarian eating a banana. I asked her how would she like it if
> her skin was ripped off and she was eaten alive.
>
> A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool. After ordering a
> drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,
> "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
> The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the
> woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know
> something. The bartender is blond, the bouncer is blond and I'm a 6' tall,
> 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the fella sitting
> next to me is blond and he's a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a
> blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still
> wanna tell that blonde joke?"
> The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
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