[list_indonesia] [ppiindia] Re: 'You can never be strong enough'
- From: "Ida Z.A" <abidin_ida@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: ppiindia@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Wed, 23 Mar 2005 01:37:48 -0000
** Mailing-List Indonesia Nasional Milis PPI-India www.ppi-india.da.ru **
Do christianity and judaism truly offer women a better treatment than=20
islam does?
i think, its not easy to search for and find answers (to these=20
difficult questions). the first difficulty is the one has to be fair=20
and objective.
--- In ppiindia@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, Carla Annamarie=20
<Carla.Annamarie@xxxx> wrote:
>=20
> i think in many middle east countries where they re bound with=20
customs and
> traditions which men is the ruler, the superior-being and women is=20
only
> men's property, women is a weaker being (inferior) not an equal=20
partner..,
> since childhood her rights re determined by her familly (Father and
> brothers), her familly will arrange her marriage with someone that=20
she's
> barely knew.., and after the married her husband is the sole=20
proprietor of
> her.., womens have a very fragile status, she's not protected under=20
law,
> bcs according to law her husband is her protector, so if she got=20
divorce,
> things becomes worse bcs socially she's an outcast from her familly=20
and her
> social community, dont ever think abt child support from the=20
husband..it's
> impossible, even she has to fight her right to keep her child..,
> if many of them works indecent job liked a belly dancer..bcs they=20
re lack
> or less opportunity for them for a good job..esp bcs they re a=20
divorcee..in
> spite of that i admire them..bcs despite of terrible things that=20
happened
> to them, they survived..
> perhaps they can never be strong enough to handle it by them=20
self..but in
> my point of view they can do better..they prove it that they really=20
can do
> better..without men..:))..
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> "Ambon" =
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> <sea@xxxx> To: <Undisclosed-
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> 03/23/2005 02:45 Subject:=20=20
[ppiindia] 'You can never be strong enough'=20=20=20=20=20=20=20
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> Please respond=20
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ppiindia =
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> 17 - 23 March 2005
> Issue No. 734
> Living
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> Published in Cairo by AL-AHRAM established in 1875
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> http://weekly.ahram.org.eg/2005/734/li1.htm
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> 'You can never be strong enough'
> As the number of single mothers continues to rise, Serene=20
Assir
> listens to accounts of tragedy, hope and heroism
>=20
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
----
> Click to view caption
> Dina Sarhan explaining the fine points of cooking
> ------------------------------------------------------------------
>=20
> Egyptian tradition is such that few things are worse than=20
being a
> single woman -- except, perhaps, being a single mother. And though=20
cases of
> unmarried women single-handedly raising children remain rare in=20
Egypt,
> those of divorced or widowed women bearing the economic, social and
> emotional brunt of parenthood are countless. Many take on the role=20
of both
> parents while the father moves in with a second wife, serves a=20
prison
> sentence, works abroad or completes up to three years of military=20
draft.
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> "Problems are particularly acute in the case of women=20
raising
> children in economically depressed areas," Mona Shadi, programme
> coordinator for the Association for the Development and Enhancement=20
of
> Women (ADEW) told Al-Ahram Weekly. "The women we reach out to often=20
lack
> all the basic guarantees to which the state entitles them. Many=20
cannot read
> or write, many others lack identity cards since they are registered=20
under
> the name of their former husbands, and thus they have no access at=20
all to
> the authorities -- never mind the ability to seek help."
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> "This world is a dirty place," 23-year-old Ashraqat, mother=20
of
> Shurouq, says with a mixture of fervour and despair. Ashraqat=20
discovered
> she was pregnant one month after signing her divorce papers,=20
following a
> brief but abusive stint of wedlock, during which her husband took=20
advantage
> of her economically even as he forced social restrictions on her.=20
Now, she
> lives in Cairo, having left her native village of Bilbis in the=20
Sharqiya
> district, but earns her living as a belly dancer in Hurghada=20
nightclubs,
> where she can work without the necessary documentation.
>=20
> "I remember when he used to promise me we would make our=20
dreams
> come true," she told the Weekly. "Now I know the truth." (While we=20
have
> this conversation in a traditional coffee house, the owner shakes=20
his head
> at me disapprovingly, walking by; later he tells me off for sitting=20
with
> someone so "low").
>=20
> Ashraqat went to school up to the age of 14, and was dancing
> professionally by 15. The man she loved came from a better-off=20
family, so
> when she was married she imagined she would no longer have to dance=20
(or
> otherwise employ her body) to make a living. "But my husband would=20
bring
> clients into the house, then take the money afterwards. I had=20
everything I
> could possibly want, I even had a really nice mobile phone, but he=20
took
> control of my life and made me do things I didn't want to do.
>=20
> "By the time I discovered I was pregnant it was too late.=20
When I
> told my mother, she beat me -- she'd been against the marriage=20
since the
> beginning. But she was to forgive me later on, and now she helps=20
me. My
> father, well -- he treats me and my daughter like strangers. That's=20
okay. I
> don't need anyone, I can manage without. Now you ask me whether I'd=20
do it
> all over again? No. I'd marry the person my parents choose, someone=20
with
> money. It wouldn't matter whether I loved him or not. This is no=20
life..."
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> This bitterness, the sense of being excluded, Shadi=20
explains, tend
> to be incorporated into the way single mothers bring up their=20
daughters --
> an added problem. As if to confirm this, Ashraqat explains=20
that "what I
> teach my daughter is this: If someone picks on you, hit him. You=20
can never
> be strong enough." ADEW seeks to address this issue by holding=20
programmes
> for children as well as mothers, Shadi goes on to point out: "We=20
frequently
> succeed, but just as frequently we fail."
>=20
> Ashraqat's experience, though an extreme example, remains=20
broadly
> relevant. "As a divorc=A8=A6e," she explains, "I am desired by many=20
men, because
> they know that I am not a virgin, and as a result they think I'm an=20
easy
> target. But everything I do," she pleads, "I swear, though I know=20
dancing
> is sinful -- I do it for Shurouq, so that when she grows up she has=20
all the
> things that I didn't have. I love her..."
>=20
> Such an attitude of self-sacrifice is seen across the=20
board. It may
> be innate in all mothers, but it stands out with particular force=20
in those
> who undergo the most painful trials. "When the children's father=20
passed
> away," Um Sherif, 67, tells the Weekly, "my life was already=20
difficult
> enough. God, I had 14 children to take care of!" Eight were hers,=20
the rest
> her husband's -- by his first wife. "The youngest was just two=20
years old.
> Now," she says, "they all have homes of their own, and they are all=20
happy."
>=20
> Um Sherif lives in a semi-agricultural area deep within one=20
of
> Cairo's poorer districts. She can neither read nor write, but three=20
of her
> sons are electronic engineers in the Gulf, and two work in=20
respectable
> businesses in Cairo.
>=20
> Hers is an impressive case: She fought against all odds to=20
raise
> her children, and she managed extraordinarily well. A strong woman,=20
she is
> proud of her achievements. "I never accepted help from anyone. I=20
knew that
> if my children were to be happy, I would have to do it all by=20
myself. I
> thought of remarrying, but when I saw how prospective husbands=20
would seek
> to interfere in the upbringing of my children, I decided against=20
it."
>=20
> But according to social perceptions, it is a misfortune for=20
a woman
> to remain unmarried. "Yes dear," Um Sherif says, defiantly, "but if=20
you
> listen to what people say, you'll find it impossible to breathe. I=20
learned
> this very early on in life. People love to interfere, but in order=20
to
> survive you must do what you feel is right."
>=20
> That said, social prejudice cannot be ignored as a negative=20
factor
> in the lives of single mothers. "My sister is a teacher," Mervat=20
told the
> Weekly, "and has always been well-to-do. She divorced her husband=20
following
> an unhappy marriage, and brought up her son and daughter=20
comfortably,
> without experiencing pressure from anyone. It was her son who turned
> against her in the end -- once he married, he started despising her,
> cursing the fact that she chose to live independently."
>=20
> Yet the principal problem seems to stem from an area beyond=20
the
> social, strictly speaking. A woman raising children on her own is a=20
woman
> without support in Egypt, and though this is increasingly=20
acceptable at the
> social level -- women gain in respect, particularly, as they grow=20
older --
> bureaucratic issues stand in the way of true emancipation. Tasks as=20
banal
> as renting a flat become a problem because business deals are=20
usually made
> with men. Registering a child under the mother's name remains=20
legally
> impossible.
>=20
> "And now," Ashraqat says, about to set out for=20
Hurghada, "I've got
> to make sure I'm ready for the big lie: When the policeman wakes me=20
up
> while we're on the bus to ask for my ID, I'm just going to have to=20
pretend
> I'm too exhausted to fetch it. And as I'm not wearing any makeup,=20
he'll
> hopefully be taken in by the innocence of my expression. Let's just=20
pray
> he'll leave me alone."
>=20
> Shurouq looks beautiful in the photographs Ashraqat shows=20
me. To
> this day, without an ID card, the mother is fighting out the case=20
for the
> custody of her child.
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> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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