[list_indonesia] Re: [ppiindia] Re: 'You can never be strong enough'
- From: Carla Annamarie <Carla.Annamarie@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: ppiindia@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Wed, 23 Mar 2005 08:54:19 +0700
** Mailing-List Indonesia Nasional Milis PPI-India www.ppi-india.da.ru **
Dear Mba Ida,
referred to the below issue..,do the women's condition such decribed in the
story had gotta do with their religion..? how do u think..? bcs as u read
carefully what i stated earlier..it's abt of customs and traditions..so do
you think it's gotta do with Islam (as the basic religion) therefore u
related/or compared it with other religion such as christian n judaism..?
it's interesting..could you explain the basic of ur perspective..?
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"Ida Z.A" =
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<abidin_ida@yahoo To: ppiindia@yahoogrou=
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Subject: [ppiindia] Re: 'Yo=
u can never be strong enough'=20=20=20
03/23/2005 08:37 =
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AM =
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Please respond to =
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ppiindia =
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Do christianity and judaism truly offer women a better treatment than
islam does?
i think, its not easy to search for and find answers (to these
difficult questions). the first difficulty is the one has to be fair
and objective.
--- In ppiindia@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, Carla Annamarie
<Carla.Annamarie@xxxx> wrote:
>
> i think in many middle east countries where they re bound with
customs and
> traditions which men is the ruler, the superior-being and women is
only
> men's property, women is a weaker being (inferior) not an equal
partner..,
> since childhood her rights re determined by her familly (Father and
> brothers), her familly will arrange her marriage with someone that
she's
> barely knew.., and after the married her husband is the sole
proprietor of
> her.., womens have a very fragile status, she's not protected under
law,
> bcs according to law her husband is her protector, so if she got
divorce,
> things becomes worse bcs socially she's an outcast from her familly
and her
> social community, dont ever think abt child support from the
husband..it's
> impossible, even she has to fight her right to keep her child..,
> if many of them works indecent job liked a belly dancer..bcs they
re lack
> or less opportunity for them for a good job..esp bcs they re a
divorcee..in
> spite of that i admire them..bcs despite of terrible things that
happened
> to them, they survived..
> perhaps they can never be strong enough to handle it by them
self..but in
> my point of view they can do better..they prove it that they really
can do
> better..without men..:))..
>
>
>
>
>
>
> "Ambon"
> <sea@xxxx> To: <Undisclosed-
Recipient:;>
>
cc:
> 03/23/2005 02:45 Subject:
[ppiindia] 'You can never be strong enough'
>
AM
> Please respond
to
>
ppiindia
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 17 - 23 March 2005
> Issue No. 734
> Living
>
> Published in Cairo by AL-AHRAM established in 1875
>
>
>
>
>
> http://weekly.ahram.org.eg/2005/734/li1.htm
>
> 'You can never be strong enough'
> As the number of single mothers continues to rise, Serene
Assir
> listens to accounts of tragedy, hope and heroism
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
----
> Click to view caption
> Dina Sarhan explaining the fine points of cooking
> ------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Egyptian tradition is such that few things are worse than
being a
> single woman -- except, perhaps, being a single mother. And though
cases of
> unmarried women single-handedly raising children remain rare in
Egypt,
> those of divorced or widowed women bearing the economic, social and
> emotional brunt of parenthood are countless. Many take on the role
of both
> parents while the father moves in with a second wife, serves a
prison
> sentence, works abroad or completes up to three years of military
draft.
>
> "Problems are particularly acute in the case of women
raising
> children in economically depressed areas," Mona Shadi, programme
> coordinator for the Association for the Development and Enhancement
of
> Women (ADEW) told Al-Ahram Weekly. "The women we reach out to often
lack
> all the basic guarantees to which the state entitles them. Many
cannot read
> or write, many others lack identity cards since they are registered
under
> the name of their former husbands, and thus they have no access at
all to
> the authorities -- never mind the ability to seek help."
>
> "This world is a dirty place," 23-year-old Ashraqat, mother
of
> Shurouq, says with a mixture of fervour and despair. Ashraqat
discovered
> she was pregnant one month after signing her divorce papers,
following a
> brief but abusive stint of wedlock, during which her husband took
advantage
> of her economically even as he forced social restrictions on her.
Now, she
> lives in Cairo, having left her native village of Bilbis in the
Sharqiya
> district, but earns her living as a belly dancer in Hurghada
nightclubs,
> where she can work without the necessary documentation.
>
> "I remember when he used to promise me we would make our
dreams
> come true," she told the Weekly. "Now I know the truth." (While we
have
> this conversation in a traditional coffee house, the owner shakes
his head
> at me disapprovingly, walking by; later he tells me off for sitting
with
> someone so "low").
>
> Ashraqat went to school up to the age of 14, and was dancing
> professionally by 15. The man she loved came from a better-off
family, so
> when she was married she imagined she would no longer have to dance
(or
> otherwise employ her body) to make a living. "But my husband would
bring
> clients into the house, then take the money afterwards. I had
everything I
> could possibly want, I even had a really nice mobile phone, but he
took
> control of my life and made me do things I didn't want to do.
>
> "By the time I discovered I was pregnant it was too late.
When I
> told my mother, she beat me -- she'd been against the marriage
since the
> beginning. But she was to forgive me later on, and now she helps
me. My
> father, well -- he treats me and my daughter like strangers. That's
okay. I
> don't need anyone, I can manage without. Now you ask me whether I'd
do it
> all over again? No. I'd marry the person my parents choose, someone
with
> money. It wouldn't matter whether I loved him or not. This is no
life..."
>
> This bitterness, the sense of being excluded, Shadi
explains, tend
> to be incorporated into the way single mothers bring up their
daughters --
> an added problem. As if to confirm this, Ashraqat explains
that "what I
> teach my daughter is this: If someone picks on you, hit him. You
can never
> be strong enough." ADEW seeks to address this issue by holding
programmes
> for children as well as mothers, Shadi goes on to point out: "We
frequently
> succeed, but just as frequently we fail."
>
> Ashraqat's experience, though an extreme example, remains
broadly
> relevant. "As a divorc=A8=A6e," she explains, "I am desired by many
men, because
> they know that I am not a virgin, and as a result they think I'm an
easy
> target. But everything I do," she pleads, "I swear, though I know
dancing
> is sinful -- I do it for Shurouq, so that when she grows up she has
all the
> things that I didn't have. I love her..."
>
> Such an attitude of self-sacrifice is seen across the
board. It may
> be innate in all mothers, but it stands out with particular force
in those
> who undergo the most painful trials. "When the children's father
passed
> away," Um Sherif, 67, tells the Weekly, "my life was already
difficult
> enough. God, I had 14 children to take care of!" Eight were hers,
the rest
> her husband's -- by his first wife. "The youngest was just two
years old.
> Now," she says, "they all have homes of their own, and they are all
happy."
>
> Um Sherif lives in a semi-agricultural area deep within one
of
> Cairo's poorer districts. She can neither read nor write, but three
of her
> sons are electronic engineers in the Gulf, and two work in
respectable
> businesses in Cairo.
>
> Hers is an impressive case: She fought against all odds to
raise
> her children, and she managed extraordinarily well. A strong woman,
she is
> proud of her achievements. "I never accepted help from anyone. I
knew that
> if my children were to be happy, I would have to do it all by
myself. I
> thought of remarrying, but when I saw how prospective husbands
would seek
> to interfere in the upbringing of my children, I decided against
it."
>
> But according to social perceptions, it is a misfortune for
a woman
> to remain unmarried. "Yes dear," Um Sherif says, defiantly, "but if
you
> listen to what people say, you'll find it impossible to breathe. I
learned
> this very early on in life. People love to interfere, but in order
to
> survive you must do what you feel is right."
>
> That said, social prejudice cannot be ignored as a negative
factor
> in the lives of single mothers. "My sister is a teacher," Mervat
told the
> Weekly, "and has always been well-to-do. She divorced her husband
following
> an unhappy marriage, and brought up her son and daughter
comfortably,
> without experiencing pressure from anyone. It was her son who turned
> against her in the end -- once he married, he started despising her,
> cursing the fact that she chose to live independently."
>
> Yet the principal problem seems to stem from an area beyond
the
> social, strictly speaking. A woman raising children on her own is a
woman
> without support in Egypt, and though this is increasingly
acceptable at the
> social level -- women gain in respect, particularly, as they grow
older --
> bureaucratic issues stand in the way of true emancipation. Tasks as
banal
> as renting a flat become a problem because business deals are
usually made
> with men. Registering a child under the mother's name remains
legally
> impossible.
>
> "And now," Ashraqat says, about to set out for
Hurghada, "I've got
> to make sure I'm ready for the big lie: When the policeman wakes me
up
> while we're on the bus to ask for my ID, I'm just going to have to
pretend
> I'm too exhausted to fetch it. And as I'm not wearing any makeup,
he'll
> hopefully be taken in by the innocence of my expression. Let's just
pray
> he'll leave me alone."
>
> Shurouq looks beautiful in the photographs Ashraqat shows
me. To
> this day, without an ID card, the mother is fighting out the case
for the
> custody of her child.
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
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