[list_indonesia] Re: [ppiindia] Re: 'You can never be strong enough'
- From: "Nur Rochman" <marketing.kybi@xxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <ppiindia@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Wed, 23 Mar 2005 08:45:10 +0700
** Mailing-List Indonesia Nasional Milis PPI-India www.ppi-india.da.ru **
Repot amat sich pake' bahasa inggris, perlakuan buruk perempuan olem kaum
laki-laki didaerah timur tengah dan daerah lain itu nggak ada hubungannya
sama agama tetapi pengaruh tradisi baik arab, jawa dll, bukankah agama
samawi semua muncul dari timur tengah baik yahudi, nasrani dan islam jadi
bibitnya dari lingkungan yang sama arab!!!
So buruknya implemenmtasi suatu ajaran agama itu sangat tergantung dengan
ulama dan masyarakatnya sendiri dalam menterjemahkan agama itu dalam
kehidupan sehari-hari, agamanya sendiri sich nggak ada yang salah...
Regards,
Oman
-----Original Message-----
From: Ida Z.A [mailto:abidin_ida@xxxxxxxxx]
Sent: Wednesday, March 23, 2005 8:38 AM
To: ppiindia@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [ppiindia] Re: 'You can never be strong enough'
Do christianity and judaism truly offer women a better treatment than
islam does?
i think, its not easy to search for and find answers (to these
difficult questions). the first difficulty is the one has to be fair
and objective.
--- In ppiindia@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, Carla Annamarie
<Carla.Annamarie@xxxx> wrote:
>
> i think in many middle east countries where they re bound with
customs and
> traditions which men is the ruler, the superior-being and women is
only
> men's property, women is a weaker being (inferior) not an equal
partner..,
> since childhood her rights re determined by her familly (Father and
> brothers), her familly will arrange her marriage with someone that
she's
> barely knew.., and after the married her husband is the sole
proprietor of
> her.., womens have a very fragile status, she's not protected under
law,
> bcs according to law her husband is her protector, so if she got
divorce,
> things becomes worse bcs socially she's an outcast from her familly
and her
> social community, dont ever think abt child support from the
husband..it's
> impossible, even she has to fight her right to keep her child..,
> if many of them works indecent job liked a belly dancer..bcs they
re lack
> or less opportunity for them for a good job..esp bcs they re a
divorcee..in
> spite of that i admire them..bcs despite of terrible things that
happened
> to them, they survived..
> perhaps they can never be strong enough to handle it by them
self..but in
> my point of view they can do better..they prove it that they really
can do
> better..without men..:))..
>
>
>
>
>
>
> "Ambon"
> <sea@xxxx> To: <Undisclosed-
Recipient:;>
>
cc:
> 03/23/2005 02:45 Subject:
[ppiindia] 'You can never be strong enough'
>
AM
> Please respond
to
>
ppiindia
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 17 - 23 March 2005
> Issue No. 734
> Living
>
> Published in Cairo by AL-AHRAM established in 1875
>
>
>
>
>
> http://weekly.ahram.org.eg/2005/734/li1.htm
>
> 'You can never be strong enough'
> As the number of single mothers continues to rise, Serene
Assir
> listens to accounts of tragedy, hope and heroism
>
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
----
> Click to view caption
> Dina Sarhan explaining the fine points of cooking
> ------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Egyptian tradition is such that few things are worse than
being a
> single woman -- except, perhaps, being a single mother. And though
cases of
> unmarried women single-handedly raising children remain rare in
Egypt,
> those of divorced or widowed women bearing the economic, social and
> emotional brunt of parenthood are countless. Many take on the role
of both
> parents while the father moves in with a second wife, serves a
prison
> sentence, works abroad or completes up to three years of military
draft.
>
> "Problems are particularly acute in the case of women
raising
> children in economically depressed areas," Mona Shadi, programme
> coordinator for the Association for the Development and Enhancement
of
> Women (ADEW) told Al-Ahram Weekly. "The women we reach out to often
lack
> all the basic guarantees to which the state entitles them. Many
cannot read
> or write, many others lack identity cards since they are registered
under
> the name of their former husbands, and thus they have no access at
all to
> the authorities -- never mind the ability to seek help."
>
> "This world is a dirty place," 23-year-old Ashraqat, mother
of
> Shurouq, says with a mixture of fervour and despair. Ashraqat
discovered
> she was pregnant one month after signing her divorce papers,
following a
> brief but abusive stint of wedlock, during which her husband took
advantage
> of her economically even as he forced social restrictions on her.
Now, she
> lives in Cairo, having left her native village of Bilbis in the
Sharqiya
> district, but earns her living as a belly dancer in Hurghada
nightclubs,
> where she can work without the necessary documentation.
>
> "I remember when he used to promise me we would make our
dreams
> come true," she told the Weekly. "Now I know the truth." (While we
have
> this conversation in a traditional coffee house, the owner shakes
his head
> at me disapprovingly, walking by; later he tells me off for sitting
with
> someone so "low").
>
> Ashraqat went to school up to the age of 14, and was dancing
> professionally by 15. The man she loved came from a better-off
family, so
> when she was married she imagined she would no longer have to dance
(or
> otherwise employ her body) to make a living. "But my husband would
bring
> clients into the house, then take the money afterwards. I had
everything I
> could possibly want, I even had a really nice mobile phone, but he
took
> control of my life and made me do things I didn't want to do.
>
> "By the time I discovered I was pregnant it was too late.
When I
> told my mother, she beat me -- she'd been against the marriage
since the
> beginning. But she was to forgive me later on, and now she helps
me. My
> father, well -- he treats me and my daughter like strangers. That's
okay. I
> don't need anyone, I can manage without. Now you ask me whether I'd
do it
> all over again? No. I'd marry the person my parents choose, someone
with
> money. It wouldn't matter whether I loved him or not. This is no
life..."
>
> This bitterness, the sense of being excluded, Shadi
explains, tend
> to be incorporated into the way single mothers bring up their
daughters --
> an added problem. As if to confirm this, Ashraqat explains
that "what I
> teach my daughter is this: If someone picks on you, hit him. You
can never
> be strong enough." ADEW seeks to address this issue by holding
programmes
> for children as well as mothers, Shadi goes on to point out: "We
frequently
> succeed, but just as frequently we fail."
>
> Ashraqat's experience, though an extreme example, remains
broadly
> relevant. "As a divorc¨¦e," she explains, "I am desired by many
men, because
> they know that I am not a virgin, and as a result they think I'm an
easy
> target. But everything I do," she pleads, "I swear, though I know
dancing
> is sinful -- I do it for Shurouq, so that when she grows up she has
all the
> things that I didn't have. I love her..."
>
> Such an attitude of self-sacrifice is seen across the
board. It may
> be innate in all mothers, but it stands out with particular force
in those
> who undergo the most painful trials. "When the children's father
passed
> away," Um Sherif, 67, tells the Weekly, "my life was already
difficult
> enough. God, I had 14 children to take care of!" Eight were hers,
the rest
> her husband's -- by his first wife. "The youngest was just two
years old.
> Now," she says, "they all have homes of their own, and they are all
happy."
>
> Um Sherif lives in a semi-agricultural area deep within one
of
> Cairo's poorer districts. She can neither read nor write, but three
of her
> sons are electronic engineers in the Gulf, and two work in
respectable
> businesses in Cairo.
>
> Hers is an impressive case: She fought against all odds to
raise
> her children, and she managed extraordinarily well. A strong woman,
she is
> proud of her achievements. "I never accepted help from anyone. I
knew that
> if my children were to be happy, I would have to do it all by
myself. I
> thought of remarrying, but when I saw how prospective husbands
would seek
> to interfere in the upbringing of my children, I decided against
it."
>
> But according to social perceptions, it is a misfortune for
a woman
> to remain unmarried. "Yes dear," Um Sherif says, defiantly, "but if
you
> listen to what people say, you'll find it impossible to breathe. I
learned
> this very early on in life. People love to interfere, but in order
to
> survive you must do what you feel is right."
>
> That said, social prejudice cannot be ignored as a negative
factor
> in the lives of single mothers. "My sister is a teacher," Mervat
told the
> Weekly, "and has always been well-to-do. She divorced her husband
following
> an unhappy marriage, and brought up her son and daughter
comfortably,
> without experiencing pressure from anyone. It was her son who turned
> against her in the end -- once he married, he started despising her,
> cursing the fact that she chose to live independently."
>
> Yet the principal problem seems to stem from an area beyond
the
> social, strictly speaking. A woman raising children on her own is a
woman
> without support in Egypt, and though this is increasingly
acceptable at the
> social level -- women gain in respect, particularly, as they grow
older --
> bureaucratic issues stand in the way of true emancipation. Tasks as
banal
> as renting a flat become a problem because business deals are
usually made
> with men. Registering a child under the mother's name remains
legally
> impossible.
>
> "And now," Ashraqat says, about to set out for
Hurghada, "I've got
> to make sure I'm ready for the big lie: When the policeman wakes me
up
> while we're on the bus to ask for my ID, I'm just going to have to
pretend
> I'm too exhausted to fetch it. And as I'm not wearing any makeup,
he'll
> hopefully be taken in by the innocence of my expression. Let's just
pray
> he'll leave me alone."
>
> Shurouq looks beautiful in the photographs Ashraqat shows
me. To
> this day, without an ID card, the mother is fighting out the case
for the
> custody of her child.
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
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