re: [CollabLaw] Re: [collaborativelaw] Parenting Time Research?
- From: Gary Direnfeld <gary@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: CollabLaw Moderator <CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Thu, 20 Jan 2011 16:11:29 -0500
In my experience, a portion of parents argue over parenting time and while
extolling the best interests of the child, they are secretly seeking to restore
their view of a prior imbalance or in other cases seeking to lord control over
the situation.
In my read of the literature (not always as 100% current as I would hope), it
seems that while parenting time is important, it pales as a concern next to the
issue of parental conflict.
Hence a parenting plan that appears disproportionate may be ideal as the
parents are not in conflict and being structurally workable, may be ideal.
However, a parenting plan that is somehow equalized in terms of the proportion
of time with either parent, but where animosity reigns and is structurally
difficult to implement, creates havoc for the children impacting on
social-behavioural outcomes.
So the "magic" is not necessarily in the "right" amount of time with either
parent, but achieving a plan that both parents can support and that is
manageable.
Of course, we must also look at time in the care of either parent from a
developmental perspective. I recently had a case where a parent suggested
week-about residential care for a 1-year-old child. I had to explain the
concept of attachment and how from the child's perspective, being away from
either parent for that length of time is akin to emotional teasing!
I am always reminded of the story with King Solomon in these situations: Faced
with two women's claim to the same child, he offered to cut the child in half
so that the child may be shared equally between them. One contender exclaimed,
"But if you do that the child will surely die and hence I withdraw my claim!"
With that, King Solomon proclaimed her to be the true mother as she was willing
to subordinate her wants to the wellbeing of the child and awarded her custody.
Best,
Gary
Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
Interaction Consultants and I Promise Program Inc.
20 Suter Crescent,
Dundas, Ontario, Canada L9H 6R5
(905) 628-4847
gary@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Parenting: www.yoursocialworker.com
Teen safe driving: www.ipromiseprogram.com
Gary Direnfeld is a social worker and expert on matters of family life. Courts
in Ontario, Canada, have deemed Gary an expert on child development,
parent-child relations, marital and family therapy, custody and access
recommendations, social work and an expert for the purpose of giving a critique
on a Section 112 (social work) report.
Services include counselling, mediation, assessments, assessment critiques and
workshops. Go to his website to read his many articles and view clips of
television and radio appearances: www.yoursocialworker.com
I have often referred folks to, or provided a copy of, The Pro-Child Way:
Parenting with an Ex
It's not a 'research' piece. It's author, Ellen Kellner, has 2 daughters, one
from each of two ex spouses.
At one point she speaks to the question of 'visitation schedule' thusly: "For
the young child the length of time with each parent is not as important as the
frequency of time......Consistency, frequency, and clarity of schedule should
mold your visitation arrangement."
InJoy!
cMr
Collaborative Practice Chicago
Divorce Without Warfare
carl Michael rossi, M.A. J.D., L.P.C.
Attorney, Mediator, Coach, Counselor
773-292-3456
cMr@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
www.CPChicago.net Executive Director, Collaborative Practice Professionals of
Illinois
On Thu, Jan 20, 2011 at 12:05 PM, David L. Olson <olson199@xxxxxxx> wrote:
A good start is the A Parental Guide to Making Child-Focused Parenting Time
Decisions booklet on the Supreme Court website:
http://www.mncourts.gov/documents/0/Public/Court_Information_Office/PARENTING_TIME_PAMPHLET.pdf
This grew out of a presentation by Joel Peskay with a theme of one size does
not fit all when it comes to parenting time.
David L. Olson
Attorney at Law
One Corporate Plaza
7400 Metro Blvd., Suite 450
Edina, MN 55439
(952) 831-4200 (Voice)
(952) 893-6733 (Fax)
olson199@xxxxxxx
http://www.olsonfamilylaw.com
http://www.collaborativelaw.org
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Thank you.
on 1/20/11 11:35 AM, Kemi Rampi at kemirampi@xxxxxxxxxxx wrote:
Josh Rampi asked me to post this - please reply to hopecounseling@xxxxxxxxxxx -
Kemi
Dear List-Serve,
I am looking for any recommendations for literature (journal articles, books,
news reports) regarding parenting time schedules and their effectiveness. I
have a client who is interested in learning more about how the following
impacts her/his children (children between ages 9-12 years old): 1) the number
of transitions vs. block times with each parent, 2) importance of face to face
time with each parent at the cost of more transitions for the children. The
client is strongly in favor of longer periods of time with each parent, one
week rotation (i.e. 7 days with each parent, transition, than 7 days with the
other parent), but is open to considering other options if the literature
states otherwise.
I'm not sure if there are resources available to address these specific
questions, but thought that I could tap our collective brains to see what's out
there.
Please email your responses to hopecounseling@xxxxxxxxxxx
Thanks for your help,
Josh Rampi
Kemi S. Rampi, Esq.
Collaborative Solutions Minnesota
"Resolving Divorce Disputes Respectfully"
3300 Edinborough Way Suite 550
Edina, MN 55435
Phone: 612-269-2794
Email: kemirampi@xxxxxxxxxxx <
mailto:kemirampi@xxxxxxxxxxx>
www.CollaborativeSolutionsMN.com <
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