[projectaon] Re: Tabletop Heroes
- From: "OToole L" <L.OToole@xxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 15 Feb 2008 23:34:44 -0000
I've finally managed to make my way through pages 21-40 of JD_Tabletop_Heroes.
My errata suggestions are below my reply to Simon's e-mail concerning pages
1-20.
>>>Phew! 16 pages down, only 44 more to go. Ahem. :-/
>>Not when I'm also going through the document and have new
>>errata for those "completed" 16 pages.
>I meant "...from Tim Pederick". It was obvious you'd post
>hundreds more issues for the first 16 pages! :-p
The phrase 'damned with faint praise' springs to mind. :-/
>>>mace; a => mace, a
>>I don't see what's wrong with the original.
>I'm no grammarian, so explaining is tricky. Basically, the
>text after the semi-colon is not a self-contained clause,
>and so should not be separated off as such. I think. This
>holds true for other similar issues LeRoy raised.
D'oh! Ok, now that you've told me (and I've also gone and looked up) the
correct use of the semicolon, this problem shouldn't arise any more. Sorry.
Page 4, column 1:
>>the Citadel Compendium -> remove 'the', not a unique
>>publication, neither part of the name (maybe?)
>No, this is OK as it is.
If talking about the magazine, would you say 'Take a look at White Dwarf.' or
'Take a look at the White Dwarf.'?
Page 9, column 3:
>>>thieves guild to -> Thieves' Guild to
>>I disagree. -> thieves' guild (A guild does not get
>>capital letters just for being a gulid.)
Page 9, lower caption:
>>Thieves -> thieves
>>
>>Citadel Guild -> citadel guild (maybe?)
>Fritz Leiber's Lankhmar stories (e.g. Swords against Deviltry)
>were about the Thieves' Guild of Lankhmar, I believe. Also, PA
>capitalises specific guilds, e.g. the Guild of City Criers in
>Book 6.
Yes, I would agree that this is a proper noun, and as such should be
capitalised. But the word 'guild' doesn't merit any more special attention than
the word 'shop'. So neither "my friend's shop" nor "my friend's guild" would
get capitals. And similarly, neither would "the magician's shop", "the
magicians' shop", "the magician's guild", or "the magicians' guild". If
"Thieves' Guild" was the *name* of the guild, then the capitals are necessary,
but if it is *a* thieves' guild (as opposed to *The* Thieves' Guild) then I
still think my original suggestion is correct.
Page 11:
>>>customer's requirements -> customers' requirements
>>Disagree. The word 'customer' is singular, as it
>>specifically says "individual customer's requirements".
>I know what you mean, I found this very tricky to call.
<snip>
>I've changed it to read: "...customers' individual
>requirements" for clarity.
I just wanted to say that this argument had actually swayed me that Tim's
original suggestion was sound. But I do think this latest change removes any
possible confusion.
Page 11:
>>>High Elf; the flag => High Elf, the flag
>>I don't see what's wrong here.
>Not a self-contained clause after the original semi-colon.
I think it is.
Page 11:
>>>Small details, lettering and => Small details, lettering, and
>>I could just about see this scanning without the serial comma,
>>in that lettering and outlining are both small details
>>compared to the overall size of the flag, but concede that
>>this may not be the original intent.
>I've gone with LeRoy's proposal.
Here we get to a point that I have touched on before. If the original as
written makes sense in some way (however seemingly outlandish), then who are we
to question or second-guess that this is not what the author intended?
(For the record, I would agree with LeRoy if it were up to me, but that's not
the point I am trying to make.)
Page 12:
>>>light sabres -> lightsabres
>>I hate to point it out, but if we're going to use a term
>>from Star Wars, it might have to be -> lightsabers (As
>>per starwars.com)
>Did any SW rules for role-play or wargaming get released
>in the UK? Did they use the UK or US version of sabre? I
>have no idea, so for now, I'll opt with the "proper"
>spelling of sabre! ;-)
Ah, if it was just 'sabre' then I would agree with you. But I can only find
reference to 'lightsabers'. Maybe if we were to go with the idea that a
'lightsabre' is a new concept invented by the author then it could be spelt
"correctly". I mean, it's not stated anywhere that this has anything to do with
Mr. Lucas' franchise.
Page 14:
>>>Fig 1: Shows -> Fig 1 shows [tp: Maybe?]
>>I see where you're going, but this would make it the only
>>'Fig N' that is not followed by a semi-colon.
>>(-> Fig 1: This shows) (Maybe?) (or remove 'shows'
>>entirely) (Maybe?)
>Inconsistency can be fun, as long as it doesn't occur
>consistently. ;-)
I agree with Tim, and only include this to admonish you for that awful joke.
Bad Simon!
Page 16:
>>joints, hands and feet -> joints, hands, and feet
>You mean, "joints, hands, and face", right? ;-)
Errrr, yeah! (That must have been one of the editing sessions I did at 2am.)
Page 19:
>>>quality brushes, therefore => quality brushes; therefore
>>I don't see what's wrong here.
>LeRoy's suggestion reads better to me.
But is the original wrong?
Page 19:
>>>look after it; store => look after it: store
>>I don't see what's wrong here.
>Using a colon here is more precise: it leads on to an
>important rule that should be remembered.
Smart ass!
>>but ones cast in resin -> but with ones cast in resin
>I changed this to "...but cast in resin...", which
>sounds better to my ears.
I disagree. It is the buildings that are cast in resin, not the range.
Page 19:
>>Cellulose: large metal/wood metals -> ??? large
>>metal/wood-metals (maybe?) (I don't know what he's trying to say here.)
>I have no idea what he means here. I'll leave alone unless/until someone
>can explain what is meant!
I include this so that when the rest of this list is whittled down, we can
maybe get another opinion on the issue.
Page 20:
>>>in this fashion, and => in this fashion -- and
>>The original reads fine to me.
>...more accurate per LeRoy's proposals.
I think this changes the structure and flow of the sentence. The "metallics ...
fashion" clause seems more relevant to the bit that comes after it than it does
an 'aside', which is what it becomes if enclosed in two dashes.
Page 20:
>>>the figure, otherwise => the figure; otherwise
>>I don't see what's wrong here.
>...more accurate per LeRoy's proposals.
Hmmmmmm, the original still doesn't seem incorrect to me though. (Don't get me
wrong though, it's close.)
Page 20:
>>>(rubbing when handled) => ??? (they rub off when handled)
>>I think the original could just about stand unaltered.
>>Failing this, -> (rubbing off when handled) (maybe?)
>I prefer "(they rub off..." to "(rubbing off...".
So do I. I was just trying to get it to (just about) make sense with as little
change as possible.
>I also fixed the annoying un-italicised 'is' after 'Tabletop
>Heroes' on many of the pages.
I'm still working from the original draft of the document, so I'm going to
knowingly still point out any of these that I see, just in case. Ditto any
signs of "[company]'s" where the trailing 's' needs unitalicising.
Page 22, header:
Tabletop Heroes is -> italics on 'is'
Page 22, column 1:
to which dry-brushing of chestnut brown -> to which a dry-brushing of chestnut
brown
Page 22, column 2:
Player's Guild of Nottingham -> Players' Guild of Nottingham
(Unless that's their actual name!?)
Citadel Orc War Engine Set -> italics on 'War'
Citadel Orc War Engine Set -> italics on 'Set'
crewed by elves?) -> crewed by elves?).
Fig 2 and 3 -> This paragraph seems to be indented further than some of the
others.
Fig 2 and 3 -> italics on '3'
Fig 2 and 3 -> Figs 2 and 3 (or -> Fig 2 and Fig 3)
The hang-gliders are -> The hang gliders are
Page 22, column 3:
James Bond uses a hang-glider -> James Bond uses a hang glider
a neatly camouflaged -> a neatly-camouflaged (maybe?)
a neatly camouflaged hang-glider -> a neatly camouflaged hang glider
Is it me, or does "this year's 1985 annual" seem incredibly redundant?
In Fig 4 -> This paragraph seems to be indented further than some of the others.
picks out their scales in way -> picks out their scales in ways
Fig 7 shows -> This paragraph seems to be indented further than some of the
others.
Citadel's new Dungeon Equipment -> remove italics from 's'
Fig 8 shows two of Citadel s -> Fig 8 shows two of Citadel's
These latest Citadel creations -> italics on 'Citadel'
conversion from the Player's Guild -> conversion from the Players' Guild
the old Airfix US Marines Set -> italics on 'Airfix'
the old Airfix US Marines Set -> italics on 'Set' (maybe?)
no longer available, however, don't -> no longer available, however don't (or
-> no longer available. However, don't) (maybe?)
Page 23:
Player's Guild -> Players' Guild
Page 24, column 2:
The Oriental Heroes [Citadel CO5] -> italics on 'Citadel'
Heroes [Citadel CO5] shown in Figs 1 to 4, showcase -> Heroes [Citadel CO5],
shown in Figs 1 to 4, showcase (or -> Heroes [Citadel CO5] shown in Figs 1 to 4
showcase)
Page 24, column 3:
then checkout Bushido -> then check out Bushido
Dixon Miniatures also produce -> Dixon Miniatures also produces
Fig 5 shows a Platoon 20 -> italics on 'Platoon 20'
Platoon 20 produce -> Platoon 20 produces
5 amp fuse wire -> 5 amp. fuse wire (maybe?)
the new Warhammer2 rules -> the new Warhammer 2 rules
Model Figures &Hobbies -> Model Figures & Hobbies
Groomsport, Co Down -> Groomsport, Co. Down
Page 25:
Fig 7 -> Fig 6
Fig 7 (the real one) looks suspiciously familiar. Check out page 76 of TMC.
Page 26, header:
Tabletop Heroes is -> italics on 'is'
Page 26, column 1:
the game master has -> the Game Master has (maybe)
the game master's ears -> the Game Master's ears
Standard Games' floor plans -> italics on 'Games'
Page 26, column 2:
Games Workshop's Dungeon Floor Plans -> remove italics from 's'
impact adhesive (Cow Gum, -> italics on 'Cow Gum'
(Cow Gum, Copydex, -> italics on 'Copydex'
a collection of different sized floor plans -> a collection of different-sized
floor plans (maybe?)
The Altar Room C6), when the time -> The Altar Room C6) when the time
the upper end of expense scale -> the upper end of the expense scale
Akheton Fortifications produce a range -> Akheton Fortifications produces a
range
that itemises their extensive range -> that itemises its extensive range
Torchlight Fantasy Products -> italics on 'Products'
Torchlight Fantasy Products manufacture -> Torchlight Fantasy Products
manufactures
Page 26, column 3:
Citadel's Open Day last year -> remove italics from 's'
Privateers & Gentlemen (FGU) -> italics on 'FGU'
Fig 4 features -> italics on 'Fig 4'
In Fig 5, we see -> italics on 'Fig 5'
Egyptian style pillars -> Egyptian-style pillars (maybe)
Two of Citadel's rogues -> italics on 'Citadel'
These gentlemen would be even more than suitable -> These gentlemen would be
more than suitable
Games Workshop, 27/29 -> italics on 'Games Workshop'
Otherworld Artifacts, 'Fables' -> italics on 'Artifacts'
Prince August, Dept 91 -> italics on 'Prince August'
Dept 91 -> Dept. 91
Eire -> Éire
Standard Games, Arlon House -> italics on 'Games'
Page 28, header:
Tabletop Heroes is -> italics on 'is'
Page 28, column 1:
to review, so many -> to review. So many (maybe?)
what if we sent ... hobby press; not only -> what if we sent ... hobby press?
Not only
we recommend that if you are considering the use of a painting service, that
you -> we recommend that if you are considering the use of a painting service,
then you
(Or remove the second 'that' entirely?)
Page 28, column 2:
compatible to your terrain -> compatible with your terrain (maybe?)
or any varnish at all? -> or no varnish at all (maybe?)
(DW4), Dwarf Crossbowman -> (DW4), a Dwarf Crossbowman (consistency)
(DW10), Dwarf Axeman -> (DW10), a Dwarf Axeman
(DW2), Dwarf Lord -> (DW2), a Dwarf Lord
a Dwarf with Arquebus -> a Dwarf with an Arquebus (maybe?)
(Or italics on 'Dwarf with Arquebus'? Although then you'd have to italicise all
6 miniature names.)
Perhaps the most-thought provoking -> Perhaps the most thought-provoking
With the interest in Call of Cthulhu -> Start of new paragraph? Indent?
Keepers and investigators -> Keepers and Investigators
two boxed sets -> remove italics from 'sets'
(LeRoy)
>£1.25, boxed sets => £1.25; boxed sets
I would have said -> £1.25. Boxed sets
ordering a mi-go -> ordering a Mi-go
Page 28, column 3:
we have a deep one -> we have a Deep One
on of Citadel's Night Goblins -> remove italics from 's'
straight-from-the-tin -> straight from the tin (maybe?)
Page 30, header:
Tabletop Heroes is -> italics on 'is'
Page 30, column 1:
(LeRoy)
>M33 mixed 50'50 => M33 mixed 50-50
I was thinking -> M33 mixed 50/50
A hint of pink/ grey -> A hint of pink/grey
areas of a horses' muzzle -> areas of a horse's muzzle
Dry-Brushing. After undercoating -> Dry-Brushing: After undercoating (maybe?)
which colours to use consult -> which colours to use, consult
consult the chart below -> consult the accompanying chart
All bridles, reins and saddlery -> All bridles, reins, and saddlery
Dry-brushing is a fast -> Dry-Brushing is a fast (maybe?) (consistency with
start of paragraph)
Oils. For those -> Oils: For those
(I would also be tempted to move this line to the top of the next column, for a
consistent line-break between sections.)
Washing. This is -> Washing: This is (maybe?)
pale grey try (Humbrol MC4) -> pale grey (try Humbrol MC4)
the sheen of a horses' coat -> the sheen of a horse's coat
Page 30, column 3:
the back, haunches and neck -> the back, haunches, and neck
three of Citadel's new elven -> italics on 'Citadel'
Citadel's new burglar -> remove italics from 's'
a Citadel longbowman -> italics on 'Citadel'
Citadel's undead rider -> remove italics from 's'
Ral Patha's Elven Hero -> remove italics from 's'
(LeRoy)
>Fantasy Men At Arms => Fantasy Men-At-Arms
I agree this is correct, but if this is what they actually called it, can we
change the name?
A few related errata:
Fig 8 -> Fig 9
Fig 9 -> Fig 10
Fig 10 -> Fig 8
These three paragraphs should probably be reordered also. (I think this is
better than the alternative of moving the photographs around on page 31.)
Horse Painting Guide:
This whole section would read better for me if there was something like
Body reddish-brown -> Body: reddish-brown
but this would require half a dozen similar changes.
reddish-brown Mane -> reddish-brown. Mane
below the knee black -> below the knee black.
as light bay -> as light bay.
yellow-brown or reddish-brown -> yellow-brown or reddish-brown.
Nose brown -> Nose brown.
white markings on face -> white markings on the face
legs below ankle -> legs below the ankle
no blaze, likewise few -> no blaze. Likewise, few (maybe)
Page 31:
Patrick Stephens Ltd. -> remove italics
Page 32, header:
Tabletop Heroes is -> italics on 'is'
Page 32, column 1:
(LeRoy)
>17th 1985, saw => 17th 1985 saw
Or -> 17th, 1985, saw
(LeRoy)
>Citadel Miniatures "Open Days' => Citadel Miniatures 'Open Days'
Also -> Citadel Miniatures' 'Open Days'
mounted and foot figures which allows -> mounted and foot figures, which allows
at Citadel is their production -> remove italics from 'is'
The Fighting Fantasy range ... come -> The Fighting Fantasy range ... comes
Page 32, column 2:
Citadel's 25mm -> remove italics from 's'
these new 60mm's -> these new 60mms
(Or possibly -> these new 60mm models)
New 25mm's -> New 25mms
when you wish to to form -> when you wish to form
the problems of integrating -> the problem of integrating (maybe?)
The Citadel Journal -> italics on 'Journal'
Page 32, column 3:
the Open Day painting -> the 'Open Day' painting (maybe?)
(See column 1, which has "'Open Days'".)
exceptionally high which made -> exceptionally high, which made
Sunday's Best Diorama class -> Sunday's 'Best Diorama' class (maybe?)
some of Citadel's latest chaos warriors -> italics on 'Citadel'
Fig 3. -> reduce indentation
the Best of the Show trophy -> the 'Best of the Show' trophy (maybe?)
Fig 4 -> reduce indentation
the Best Diorama class -> the 'Best Diorama' class
Bill Sprint's 'Barrow-Wights' were -> Bill Sprint's barrow-wights were
a group of 'standing stones' -> a group of standing stones
new Lord of the Rings -> italics on 'the'
the barrow-wights proved -> Whatever happens to 'barrow-wights' earlier should
be done to this too for consistency.
at the Open Day -> at the Open Day (maybe?)
The Overall Winner of -> The 'Overall Winner' of
(Or -> The overall winner of)
but P Benson's -> but P. Benson's
makes Citadel's new LOTR -> remove italics from 's'
Page 34, header:
Tabletop Heroes is -> italics on 'is'
"by Joe Dever." -> Does this represent the time when Joe Dever and Gary Chalk
parted ways? :-(
Page 34, column 1:
close-up lenses which generally -> close-up lenses, which generally (maybe?)
Cheaper, light-weight tripods -> Cheaper, lightweight tripods
Page 34, column 2:
bulbs (photofloods) and some -> bulbs (photofloods), and some
avoiding the problems which I -> avoiding the problems, which I (maybe?)
Agfacolor CNS-2 -> italics on 'CNS-2'
Kodak VR 100 -> italics on 'VR 100'
natural lighting and under -> natural lighting, and under
(Not a serial comma, but I think a break is needed.)
Page 34, column 3:
effective, cheap and readily -> effective, cheap, and readily
blue, light green or black -> blue, light green, or black
Colour'Black and White Film -> Colour/Black and White Film
Page 34, caption:
releases in Citadel's -> remove italics from 'Citadel'
Lord of the Rings range -> remove italics from 'Lord of the Rings' (maybe?)
Page 35:
Citadel Elf fighter -> Citadel Elf Fighter -> italics on 'Fighter'
(Maybe? Depends on what the name of the figure was.)
painted by Tony Dynarowski -> remove italics from 'by Tony'
assembled, painted and based -> assembled, painted, and based
Citadel Open Day painting -> Citadel 'Open Day' painting
Page 36, header:
Tabletop Heroes is -> italics on 'is'
Page 36, column 1:
principle is that the greater -> principle is: the greater
(Or even -> principle is the greater)
its advantages for it enable -> its advantages, for it enables
introduced to fill-in this shadow -> introduced to fill in this shadow
set at approximately 45º to -> fix 'º' symbol
used to fill-in deep shadow -> used to fill in deep shadow
which, in its turn, is -> which, in turn, is (maybe?)
Additional fill-in lighting -> This use of 'fill-in' seems ok, as it is used as
an adjective, not a very. I mention it only to avoid a possible global
find/replace problem.
white card (A4 size) used as ... source, will -> white card (A4 size), used as
... source, will
Page 36, column 2:
background sheen' is reflected -> background sheen is reflected
(LeRoy)
>to accommodate your choice => (choice of what? camera?)
-> to accommodate your camera (maybe?)
Page 36, column 3:
figures of which you are ... proud of? -> figures of which you are ... proud?
why not let us all enjoy them. -> why not let us all enjoy them?
no large than 6"x4" -> no larger than 6"x4"
Heroes Reader's Picture -> Heroes Readers' Picture (maybe?)
one of Citadel's latest -> remove italics from 's'
additions to their CO2 -> additions to its CO2
another of Citadel's new -> remove italics from 's'
delinquents shown here in pursuit of an unwary peasand, were -> delinquents,
shown here in pursuit of an unwary peasand, were
(Or -> delinquents shown here in pursuit of an unwary peasand were)
Page 38, header:
Tabletop Heroes is -> italics on 'is'
Page 38, column 1:
(LeRoy)
>all angles; but more => all angles, but more
Disagree. (Now that (I think) I know how a semi-colon works.)
Games Workshop's games store in Dalling -> remove italics from 's'
Games Workshop's store in Sheffield -> remove italics from 's'
display of Grenadier miniatures -> italics on 'Grenadier'
recently on the Goblin Chariot team -> recently on the 'Goblin Chariot' team
(as per WD66)
Page 38, column 3:
(Fig 3) -> italics on '3'
Fig 5 shows four of a -> Fig 5 shows five of a
(Yes, it's four buildings, but five items from the range of 'buildings and
accessories'.)
Citadel Open Day painting -> Citadel 'Open Day' painting
Grenadier UK Ltd -> Grenadier UK Ltd.
Page 40, header:
Tabletop Heroes is -> remove italics from 'is'
Page 40, column 2:
try swapping the top half of one figure with the bottom half of another -> try
swapping the top half of one figure with the top half of another
(I know what he's trying to say here, but what's written is technically
something else.)
Page 40, caption:
Some line examples -> Some fine examples
Citadel's -> remove italics from 'Citadel'
(LeRoy)
>AD&D D&D range of figures => ? AD&D/D&D ranges of figures
-> AD&D and D&D ranges of figures (maybe?)
(or -> AD&D range)
AD&D D&D -> remove italice (maybe?)
Page 40, column 3:
the polythene which peels -> the polythene, which peels
Figs 1 and 2, show -> Figs 1 and 2 show
Chieftan from Citadel's C27 -> remove italics from 's'
Miliput Co -> Miliput Co.
Would it be an idea to include the White Dwarf issue number and/or publication
date at the top of each page/article?
Cerulean
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