[ussgeorgetown] "Family Discussion's" : Part Two Alex and Vivie Lazzara-Henderson
- From: LtCmdrSydMorgan@xxxxxxx
- To: ussgeorgetown@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sat, 16 Jul 2005 22:39:28 EDT
"Family Discussion's" : Part Two
Alex and Vivie Lazzara-Henderson
After Vivie had stormed out of their quarter's Alex didn't really know what
to do. They had promised not to leave in the middle of an argument, but rather
try and work things out. She looked around and decided the only thing she
felt like doing was walking. She had to get rid of some of her pent up anger
and energy, and walking seemed like the thing to do. She had no destination in
mind, she just left their quarter's and started to walk.
After leaving Tawny's, Vivie once again went for a walk to clear her mind.
She'd set down the rules, it was up to Tawny now. If the girl came then she
knew at least her sister was willing to try. Now the question was, would Alex?
Stepping off the lift, Vivie wasn't paying much attention, her mind was back
with Tawny and with Alex. She needed to figure out a way to fix things, to
settle the fight they'd had. She had her head down as she walked, which is why
she didn't see the body coming towards her until she'd crashed into it.
Alex felt like she had walked the entire ship at least three times over. She
had considered stopping in the lounge, instead opting not to. She was tired,
her head hurt and she just wanted to be with Vivie. She really wasn't paying
much attention when she was suddenly knocked to the floor. The first thing
that came to mind was that her stupid leg had gone out from under her, but
that didn't explain the pain in her gut. She laid on the floor trying to take
a
deep breath without it hurting too much. She hadn't even looked to see what
or who she had run into, "Next time watch where the hell you are going?"
It wasn't until they were on the floor, Vivie planted firmly on top of Alex,
that she knew who she'd run into. "You normally like it when we're in this
position." She teased. "Are you that mad at me?"
Hearing the familiar voice, Alex opened her eyes to see her wife laying on
top of her. "Oh, hi, sorry I yelled and no I am not that mad at you?"
Vivie smiled a little as she started to get off of Alex and back onto her
own two feet. She held her hand out for Alex to take so she could help her off
the floor as well. "How mad are you?"
Taking Vivie's hand, Alex got up off the floor and stood there regaining her
balance. "Depends on how mad you are at me? I just don't understand what
happened between us?"
"Either one of us was listening to the other cause she was too busy tying to
make her own points." Vivie replied. "Can we go home and talk?"
Alex took Vivie's hand in hers and kissed it. "Yes, we can go home and talk
on one condition?"
Vivie sighed. She was so very tired, tried of fighting with everyone, and
tried of trying to make it all better. "What?"
"That neither one of us walks out on the other. We stay and work it out."
"I wasn't walking out on you, Alex, I went to see Tawny." Vivie explained as
they headed home. "I needed to finally put my foot down."
"And just what did you say to her or rather what did she have to say about
me? I need to know where I stand. I don't think that is asking too much. Maybe
I am wrong, we can talk about when we get home. Not here in the corridor."
Vivie nodded, tightened her hand around Alex's and walked beside her
quietly. Her mind was a whirlwind and she needed it to be a little more clear.
As they walked in silence Alex wondered exactly what had gone on at Tawny's.
Her own mind was so messed up at the moment that just walking and holding
Vivie's hand was helping to calm her a little. She was still hurt by comments
both had made about their having a baby. She needed some kind of peace about
anything, something, hell she didn't care. She just knew that she didn't
like the way she felt when her wife stormed out the door leaving her alone.
Vivie opened the door to their quarters and walked in, letting go of Alex's
hand only so she could peel out of her uniform.
Alex entered their quarter's and made her way to the replicator, getting two
glasses of water. She then returned to the living area and sat on the
couch."
"Thanks." Vivie said softly as she took the water and sat next to Alex. She
held the glass in both hands as she drew her knees close to her chest.
Taking a sip of her water Alex looked at Vivie, God she is beautiful even
when she is mad... "So, how is Tawny?"
"Thinking I hope." Vivie replied softly.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I told her that she can't take her anger towards me out on you." Vivie
stuck her finger into her water and then ran it around the rim of the glass.
"I
told her she'd stop treating you like trash or I'd start treating the way Mum
would treat a brat. I also told her that we all need to work on our issues
together and if she was up for it then she should come to dinner."
"What did she say and why is she angry with you?" Taking a sip of water,
Alex just wanted to forget the whole matter and just hold her wife.
Vivie blushed. "She laughed at me, told me I'd never follow through, so I
did." Vivie turned and looked out the window then. "I kept leaving her
behind."
"Look at me, please? Why is she angry because you went on with your life?
Isn't that what happens, the older one leaves and then the next and so on?"
Vivie shook her head, her gaze still focused on the station outside their
window. "She sat in the window seat of the front room everyday when I runaway.
She watched and waited for me to come up the walk. Mama had to make her
come to the table to eat, Mum had to carry her up to bed, and every morning
they'd find her right back in that window seat. When I finally did come home I
wasn't there long before I left for the academy. When I finally come back
after that I bring you."
Alex gently placed her hands on Vivie's shoulder's, turning her so they were
facing each other. "Tell me honestly, are you sorry you met me or took me
home to meet your family?"
"Of course not!" Vivie replied, shocked that Alex even asked. "Alex she
would have hated anyone I had brought home. It's not about you as person, she
doesn't know you as a person, just another object keeping me away from her."
"I didn't ask for you to get upset, I am trying to understand. Why does she
have such a need to be involved in your life? I know that didn't come out
like I wanted it to, but I don't know how else to say it. You were here when I
welcomed her into our home. You also heard her reply. Doesn't she realize
that there is going to come a time when the two of you are going to have
separate lives? It doesn't mean you love her any less. I guess I don't
understand
the
hold she has, considering I basically had no family to deal with."
Vivie wasn't sure how to explain it. "I'm her sister, Alex, and she needs
me. She needed me and I left her behind. She might be a teenager now, but
somewhere inside she's still that little girl waiting for me to come home and
get
her."
Alex knew what she was about to say would probably cause another fight, it
was not meant to do that. "So, because she is your sister and needs you, she
gets to control or attempt to control you? I really am trying to understand."
I
have my own needs and wants as well...
There was a headache building behind Vivie's eyes and she tried to push it
away by pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes. "She's not controlling
me or attempting to control me, Alex. She's acting out to get my attention.
Please stop making this all her fault. Your just as selfish when it comes to
me. You of all people should understand."
Alex had to do something or she was going to end up causing another fight
which she didn't want, so she got up off the couch and walked over to the
window. "Let me see if I understand this correctly. I am making it all her
fault,
I am selfish and should understand." Staring out the window Alex didn't say
anything for a few minutes then she started again. "First of all I never said
anything was all her fault, secondly yes I am selfish and I won't deny it.
But
you are my wife, my spouse, my lover and my life, is it my fault that I
don't want to share that part with anyone. I feel like we can't even start a
family without her approval, which she has made abundantly clear. You have to
remember that when we met, fell in love and got married there was only the
two of us. So, yes I got used to not having to share you, with anyone. I will
admit I like having you to myself. I feel whole when we are together. Not so
disjointed and confused."
"And I'm her sister, I'm Allen's sister, and I'm Erik's sister. I'm my
mothers' daughter. Why are those any less important then being your wife,
spouse
and lover? All of you are what make up my life, Alex.." Vivie sighed. "Why
does it feel as if we have the same fight over and over and over again."
"I guess were not going to because neither of us can get across what we are
trying to say. The only thing I can say is turn it around just for a moment.
You are in another room, I walk in with my sister, she proceeds to tell me
how
terrible you are for me, and that having a child with me is going to tie you
down to me forever. That I can do better. How would you feel and be honest?"
"I'd be hurt and angry." Vivie admitted. "And I haven't once said your wrong
for feeling that way."
"You're right, you have never said I was wrong for feeling that way, if you
think about it you really haven't acknowledged how I feel except to tell me
that I am running away from the problem instead of facing it."
"And you haven't acknowledged how I must feel in all of this." Vivie got up
and walked over to Alex. "Like I told T, Alex, I'm tired. I'm tried of trying
to be everything to everyone and always coming up short."
Alex turned to look at Vivie, "You're right again. I haven't and I am sorry.
I'm sorry that you feel torn between your sister and myself. I'm sorry for
anything that I have said that has hurt you and this relationship. I don't want
you to feel like you are coming up short. You mean everything to me and I
will do what ever it takes so you don't feel this way again. Damn it I love
you."
Vivie smiled tiredly. "I love you too, Alex." She walked over and hugged
Alex tightly. "But you have to remember that T loves me and needs me too. As
much as you want me all to yourself, Alex, I can't be, at least not the way
you
want."
Alex had her chin on Vivie's head with tears rolling down her face. "Just
exactly what is the way I want? Never mind, don't bother answering that. Just
tell me what you want me to do?"
"You have me mind, body, and soul, Alex, but you want me in such a complete
way that it's like you want me cut off from the rest of the world." Vivie
answered.
"I don't want you cut off from the rest of the world. All my life I have
looked for that one person who could accept me with all my faults, all my
insecurities. Someone who would just love me for me, I found that in you. I
don't
want to lose that feeling, and that's what I am afraid is going to happen or
is happening. I don't know anymore. Just ignore anything I say because I will
probably say the wrong thing."
"But Baby.. That's how T feels.. You two are a lot like in some ways."
Alex just shrugged her shoulders. "If you say so, I don't want to argue
anymore. Just tell me what you want me to do and I will do it. I can think of
other things to do than argue with you."
Vivie sighed and pulled away. "You won't even try to understand. I don't
want you to just do what I say and pacify me, Alex."
"I am not trying to pacify you. I am trying to understand. If you want me to
try and work things out with Tawny then that's what I will do. That's all I
am saying."
"All right." Vivie replied. She was so tired that picking at every little
point didn't matter any more.
Alex tilted Vivie's chin up and leaned down to kiss her gently and softly.
"I really do love you and I don't ever want you to doubt that."
"I don't." Vivie replied as she leaned against Alex, so wore out to even
hold herself upright. "I love you too."
Alex gently picked up her wife and carried her to the bedroom where she laid
her on the bed and covered her with the blankets. "You just close your eyes
and rest."
Vivie smiled. "I can't sleep with all my clothes on and without anything to
cuddle."
Alex looked at Vivie and grinned, "See that's the problem. If those clothes
come off, there is no guarantee that you will sleep. So what do you propose
we do about that?"
Vivie laughed. "At least take my boots off."
Alex went to the foot of the bed and removed Vivie's boots and gently began
to massage her feet, slowly let her hand slide up under her pant legs.
Vivie moaned, her eyes closing slowly. "That feels nice."
Crawling up the bed to lay next to her wife, Alex helped her out of her
uniform and pulled the sheets up over her. She looked at her with her eyes
closed, brushed her hair away from her face, and gently kissed her, wanting
all of
her but knowing she wasn't in the mood. She was exhausted and needed to
sleep, so Alex just laid there and watched her sleep. Sorry she had ever done
or
said anything to make her hurt or upset.
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