[modeleng] Re: New Year Definitions
- From: "shep" <shep.28@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <modeleng@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Tue, 3 Jan 2006 21:20:28 -0000
Have enjoyed!
Many a true word........!
Cheers! Hubert
----- Original Message -----
From: "The Sheppard Residence" <peter@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <modeleng@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Tuesday, January 03, 2006 8:50 PM
Subject: [modeleng] New Year Definitions
> Well, it makes a change from New Year Resolutions.
>
> Enjoy!
>
> Peter
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> #>DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
> #metal bars out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
> flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly
> painted part you were drying.
> #>
> #>WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere
> under the workbench with the speed of light.
> #>
> #>ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their
> holes but also handy for drilling holes in the wrong place.
> #>
> #>PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
> #>
> #>HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
> #principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
> motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
> dismal your future becomes.
> #>
> #>VICE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is
> available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the
> palm of your hand.
> #>
> #>OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various
> flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the
> grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.
> #>
> #>BRITISH STANDARD WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older
> British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating
> that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.
> #>
> #>HYDRAULIC JACK: Used for lowering a car to the ground after
> #you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle
> firmly under the bumper.
> #>
> #>EIGHT-FOOT LONG 4X2 TIMBER: Used for levering a car upward
> #off a hydraulic jack handle.
> #>
> #>TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
> #>
> #>E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any
> known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway.
> #>
> #>TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength of
> #everything you forgot to disconnect.
> #>
> #>1/2" x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large pry bar that inexplicably has an
> #accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
> #>
> #>PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
> #paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be
> #used,as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
> #>
> #>AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning
> #power station 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that
> #travels by hose to a pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts
> last over-tightened 50 years ago by someone at Ford and neatly rounds
> off their heads.
> #>
> #>PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
> bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 pence part.
> #>
> #>HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
> #used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not
> far from the object we are trying to hit.
>
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