To all -
It seems that when a distinct pattern or theme shows up strongly in a
particular Constellation, I have a tendency to recognize the same theme
in subsequent Constellations over a period of time. That's part of my
learning and growth process, seeing these patterns and testing out
different ways to work with them.
Along the lines of woman follows/man serves, what I have seen again and
again is: man leaves the woman/woman is left in the weeds. There is
often a child involved as the product of the couple's union.
At the systemic level, everyone is included and belongs. On the
terrestrial plane, looking at the arc of familial history, there is a
tremendous amount of physical separation, isolation, and displacement.
Sometimes, I set up a maternal line or paternal line at the start. Very
often, the representatives soon disconnect. When I ask for the family
history, the story involves a father who left and a mother left alone.
Further, at the core of these stories, there is frequently a story of a
taboo pregnancy, resulting in a baby born into shame.
Within these stories, there is a tremendous amount of diversity. The
man may forced out by family, church, or government. The woman may have
been raped. The couple could be deeply in love or passing strangers.
The root of this pattern in Western civilization lies in the invention
of "paternity" about 3,000 b.c.e. Prior to this, human societies
perceived children as coming from women, with the paternity ambiguous or
unknown. The recognition of paternity was followed closely by
monogamy, as a way to secure the identity of the father. From this,
came the social ideal that the father's identity must be known and the
father's parental rights were superior to the mothers (e.g. Abraham's
sacrifice of Isaac attempted without Sarah's knowledge or consent).
>From this, there is one condition of birth that is deemed
"legitimate." While all the many others are "illegitimate." Very few
people can trace a clean chain of legitimate ancestors for multiple
generations. Rather, women become pregnant under any and every
circumstance. When the pregnancy violates the social norm, the good
conscience of the group drives a wedge between father-mother-child,
leading towards man leaves/woman (and/or child) is left in the weeds.
For the breathing generation, the legacy that follows in this wake is a
heavy burden. In the Constellation, with everyone seen and honored,
everyone who belongs included and in their good place, loves opens up
into a torrent that flows from the ancestors to the living. Still, a
Constellation, even the best of them, does not eradicate the legacy of
rape, abandonment, shame, scorn, loneliness, heartbreak, alcoholism,
etc. that trails behind us in long chains. The memories implanted in
our cells, hearts, and minds continue to be felt and feed our impulses.
The healing resolutions that come through these types of Constellations
are most often:
* Every baby is a sacred baby. There is no shame in being born.
* Pregnancy happens.
* Couples can stay together when each partner accepts everyone who
stands behind both of them and agrees that everything that
happened happened.
* Couples can separate without casting blame or shame on themselves
or their partners. The good love they shared and whatever it
brought lives on. They are always the mother and father of their
children.
Thanks for David for raising the topic and to the others who offered
their reflections.
Dan
The group of baboons was crossing the savannah. The group included the male with his majestic mane, his harem of several females and a number of children. The females and children were sauntering along happily and playfully interacting with each other. Meanwhile the male was vigilantly scanning the environment for dangerous predators such as lions. He could only relax when the group was in a truly safe place. Then the rest would look after him. This seems to be similar to your observation of male energy looking out and dealing with the environment and female energy looking in and nurturing.
