I have learned that it is ineffective to hold out the belief that every
divorcing couple has the desire or ability to negotiate at their highest
functioning self.
I have frequently mistaken my desire to negotiate at my highest level of
integrity for a desire or capability that my clients have.
With the disqualification as our key stone, collaborative teams need to adapt
to the problem solving styles of each individual party. Some people will never
be able to negotiate with care or regard for the other person in the case. Work
with your team to keep the potential there, but if it is identified as
unlikely, don't foist the higher ideals we have as collaborative professionals
on parties who have no ability to engage in such.
Oh yeah, and Gary Friedman's "Challenging Conflict - Mediation Through
Understanding" is a must read for developing high level collaboration.
Happy New Years!
Gretchen Mary Walther
________________________________
From: CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx <CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: CollabLaw@yahoogroups. Com <CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Sat Jan 01 11:06:34 2011
Subject: Re: [CollabLaw] Lessons learned as a collaborative professional in 2010
A lesson for me has been the importance of going right to the heart of the
conflict-often the elephant in the room, that is about uncomfortable
differences in perpectives or needs. I've found trying to smooth over or go
around or try to change either person doesn't work. Better to put it on the
table with as much honesty and as little judgment as possible and look for
realistic ways to resolve
Happy New Year to all!
Victoria
Victoria Smith JD
www.victoriasmith.ca
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
________________________________
From: ritapollak@xxxxxxx
Sender: CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: Sat, 1 Jan 2011 11:31:07 -0500 (EST)
To: <CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
ReplyTo: CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: Re: [CollabLaw] Lessons learned as a collaborative professional in 2010
I actually think that the steps, protocols or choreography, help keep us
focused and give us a firmer foundation to refer back to when things get dicey,
whether with the clients or between Team members. If we are going to change the
dance steps then it is in response to the needs of the clients, or the team but
it is done mindfully and with care. best to all our colleagues in the new year.
Rita S. Pollak
Past-President IACP
3 Harvard Ave., suite 3
Brookline, MA. 02446
617-232-2009
FAX: 617-277-1699
www.collaborativepractice.com
In a message dated 12/31/2010 8:28:23 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
htindall@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx writes:
As we close 2010, what is an important lesson you have learned this year that
can be shared with others? My lesson: Forget all the rules and protocols, but
treat every case as a special assignment, learn what the client wants, and stay
focused on that objective. I am still learning the art of collaborative
advocacy.
