Dear Sandra
I used to be you, but I am recovering from taking on the whole world's
guilt. This is not your problem. This is your client's problem, and you
were hired to assist him in solving his problem-- not to assume his burden.
I bet you never told him to marry his spouse. You probably didn't even
introduce them to each other, so I don't think you have an obligation to be
responsible for working things out for them if they are not cooperating. I
am not a mental health person, but there is a term called "enabling" which
you may be doing by allowing this scenario to continue. Unless you want to
adopt these people and become financially responsible for them, withdraw
from the case. The child makes withdrawing more difficult, but if your
client is not going to take your advice, why stay in the case?
Sherrie R. Abney
2840 Keller Springs Road, Ste. 204
Carrollton, Texas 75006
phone: 972-417-7198 fax: 972-417-9655
"Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done." Amelia
Earhart
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From: CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx [mailto:CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] On Behalf
Of sandra crawford
Sent: Friday, January 23, 2009 12:39 PM
To: cliiFELLOWS@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx; CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Cc: 'Pauline Tesler'
Subject: [CollabLaw] LOOKING FOR SOME INSIGHT AND FEEDBACK ON WHERE TO TAKE
A CASE
Dear Collaborative Colleagues:
I am looking for input and helpful feedback about how to redirect or
terminate a CP Case.
General Scenario:
I have been working on a Collaborative Practice case since last June. The
couple and counsel signed a PA in July and since then have convened a team
consisting of the 2 attorneys and a Financial Neutral and have a total of 3
four-ways and meetings with the FN. From the outset the other lawyer and
spouse have openly resisted any discussion of engaging coaches although
there are repeated concerns and fears expressed by the spouse that my client
has an on-going gambling habit/addiction and is engaged in an extra-marital
relationship. There is one very young child, only one income and the
possibility of a removal of the child from the state post decree. There are
concerns on both sides that there are limited resources. For now the couple
remains living together under very tense conditions and cannot sell their
home to generate enough cash for either to move on. As reported by the FN
a large part of the couples separate sessions with the FN are taken up
focusing on spouse's fears about my client's alleged addiction and focusing
on the costs of the CP professionals and the process. Now my client wishes
only to communicate via e-mail as an additional cost saving measure and both
parties have expressed concerns that communications among the professionals
must also be limited to minimize fees. I have explained to my client that
it is very difficult to conduct confidential communications via e-mail only
and that we committed in the PA to four-way and five-way meetings and
professional to professional communication and the same are essential to
moving the process along. I feel I am getting no recognition or support from
my professional team mates that what might best serve here is a joint
recommendation of the professional team to coaching in some form - not more
lawyering or FN meetings. My own sense of never wanting to abandon a
client keeps me going along and getting along. However, where a couples'
major issues to me seem clearly to be around working through their fears and
getting help visualizing a new future I keep coming back to in my own
thinking - we will continue to be unable to make true progress without
some of mental health feedback and coaching. Now I have the added "guilt"
of having to be in the position of being the professional who is "plugging
the plug" on the process.
Any suggestion, support, or insight would be appreciated. lawcrawford@
<mailto:lawcrawford@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> sbcglobal.net
Sandra C.
