There are a lot of ways to look at a process, when the wheels are off the wagon.
How about a couple of questions?
Is this process working?
Who is responsible for an effecient and productive process?
Is the client conflict drawing the professionals in instead of holding everyone
safe and accountable?
Thinking about bringing someone in to "fix it" is a difficult thing to do.
No problem can be resolved from the same stance it was created.
It is a nuanced concept that in equal measure, you are contributing to the
instability.
What is it you need as a collaborative professional? (likely support from your
colleague(s)
What is it that your colleague needs?
Have you tried a conversation with your collaborative professional? (in
person, relaxed with some food)
How does she(he) see the process?
How does she(he) see the conflict?
How does she(he) see you in this process and as a colleague, as well?
(tough to ask; tough to hear)
Does this feel like a safe conversation to you?
if not, why not and who could help you have that conversation?
Are either or both of the professionals identifying with their client or
getting drawn into the conflict?
If it isn't working keep asking questions until you find the answer.
Recently we ran out of gas in a collaborative with a really well functioning
team. We resolved to have a meeting with the clients and put our cards on the
table. We could not resolve the matter as defined by the clients and they are
complicated nice folks. Perhaps they should choose another way to resolve
their conflict. We asked abut 10 good questions and shut up. The clients got
it and headed in a more productive direction and it was one of the better
meetings we every had.
I would not feel comfortable having that conversation unless I had a strong
relationship with my colleagues and felt that the process was holding me safe
as well. When I don't have a strong relationship, I first think that it is my
responsibility to create it and that starts with me.
If I am any of that is helpful, good. If not, keep asking questions.
Best,
Dave Murch
Rochester, New York
---- "Darcy A. Shoop" <dshoop@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
What about using one neutral coach? That should appeal in some measure
to the clients because it is one fee rather than two attys fees.
Darcy A. Shoop, Attorney At Law
Stein, Sperling, Bennett, De Jong,
Driscoll & Greenfeig, P.C.
25 W. Middle lane,
Rockville, MD 20850
(301) 838-3228 direct telephone
(301) 354-8128 direct facsimile
dshoop@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
<http://tserver.steinsperling.com/vcard/DAS.jpg>
To ensure compliance with requirements imposed by the IRS, we inform you
that, unless specifically indicated otherwise, any tax advice contained
in this communication (including any attachments) is not intended or
written to be used, and cannot be used, for the purpose of (i) avoiding
tax-related penalties under the Internal Revenue Code, or (ii)
promoting, marketing, or recommending to another party any tax-related
matter addressed herein. In order for you to rely on written advice from
Stein, Sperling, Bennett, De Jong, Driscoll & Greenfeig, P.C. as
protection from tax-related penalties, please contact us to discuss
whether we can provide you with a formal written opinion.
This message contains information from the law firm of Stein, Sperling,
et al. that may be privileged, confidential or otherwise protected from
disclosure. Unless you are the addressee (or authorized to receive for
the addressee), you may not use, copy or disclose to anyone the message
or any information contained in the message. If you have received the
message in error, please advise the sender by reply e-mail, and delete
the message. Thank you very much.
________________________________
From: CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx [mailto:CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] On
Behalf Of sandra crawford
Sent: Friday, January 23, 2009 1:39 PM
To: cliiFELLOWS@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx; CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Cc: 'Pauline Tesler'
Subject: [CollabLaw] LOOKING FOR SOME INSIGHT AND FEEDBACK ON WHERE TO
TAKE A CASE
Dear Collaborative Colleagues:
I am looking for input and helpful feedback about how to redirect or
terminate a CP Case.
General Scenario:
I have been working on a Collaborative Practice case since last June.
The couple and counsel signed a PA in July and since then have convened
a team consisting of the 2 attorneys and a Financial Neutral and have a
total of 3 four-ways and meetings with the FN. From the outset the
other lawyer and spouse have openly resisted any discussion of engaging
coaches although there are repeated concerns and fears expressed by the
spouse that my client has an on-going gambling habit/addiction and is
engaged in an extra-marital relationship. There is one very young
child, only one income and the possibility of a removal of the child
from the state post decree. There are concerns on both sides that there
are limited resources. For now the couple remains living together under
very tense conditions and cannot sell their home to generate enough cash
for either to move on. As reported by the FN a large part of the
couples separate sessions with the FN are taken up focusing on spouse's
fears about my client's alleged addiction and focusing on the costs of
the CP professionals and the process. Now my client wishes only to
communicate via e-mail as an additional cost saving measure and both
parties have expressed concerns that communications among the
professionals must also be limited to minimize fees. I have explained
to my client that it is very difficult to conduct confidential
communications via e-mail only and that we committed in the PA to
four-way and five-way meetings and professional to professional
communication and the same are essential to moving the process along. I
feel I am getting no recognition or support from my professional team
mates that what might best serve here is a joint recommendation of the
professional team to coaching in some form - not more lawyering or FN
meetings. My own sense of never wanting to abandon a client keeps me
going along and getting along. However, where a couples' major issues
to me seem clearly to be around working through their fears and getting
help visualizing a new future I keep coming back to in my own thinking
- we will continue to be unable to make true progress without some of
mental health feedback and coaching. Now I have the added "guilt" of
having to be in the position of being the professional who is "plugging
the plug" on the process.
Any suggestion, support, or insight would be appreciated.
lawcrawford@xxxxxxxxxxxxx <mailto:lawcrawford@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sandra C.
