Dave M is right on for your situation at hand. Frankly Dave, I am printing up
your email as a guide!!! Maybe you should put it in a pretty font and hand it
out - great stuff.
The real bottom line is this. It ain't gonna' work as well without a Mental
Health Professional (or two depending on the model you use). The hard ones are
just not going to work without them. And it is so disheartening to us as
collaborative believers.
Most folks can understand that we save a ton of time, effort and MONEY if we
bring an MHP in on the deal. We attorneys can handle the emotion EVENTUALLY
(Mr. Fawlty) but the MHPs get there faster - better emotionally and financially
in the long run. Clients get that concept.
That's for the future. Don't let then tell you otherwise. You know best! Janet
As a peacemaker, a lawyer has the superior opportunity to be good. Abraham
Lincoln Janet M. Denton, Attorney, Denton Smith & Cunningham, 1205 Hall
Johnson Rd., Ste. 3 Colleyville, TX 76034 817-479-0534, 817-479-0538fax,
janetmdenton@xxxxxxx This email and any files transmitted with it are
confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to
whom they are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the sender.
To: CollabLaw@yahoogroups.comCC: dshoop@steinsperling.comFrom:
dmurch1@xxxxxxxxxxxx.comDate: Fri, 23 Jan 2009 21:03:44 +0000Subject: RE:
[CollabLaw] LOOKING FOR SOME INSIGHT AND FEEDBACK ON WHERE TO TAKE A CASE
There are a lot of ways to look at a process, when the wheels are off the
wagon.How about a couple of questions?Is this process working?Who is
responsible for an effecient and productive process?Is the client conflict
drawing the professionals in instead of holding everyone safe and
accountable?Thinking about bringing someone in to "fix it" is a difficult thing
to do. No problem can be resolved from the same stance it was created.It is a
nuanced concept that in equal measure, you are contributing to the instability.
What is it you need as a collaborative professional? (likely support from your
colleague(s) What is it that your colleague needs?Have you tried a conversation
with your collaborative professional? (in person, relaxed with some food) How
does she(he) see the process? How does she(he) see the conflict?How does
she(he) see you in this process and as a colleague, as well?(tough to ask;
tough to hear)Does this feel like a safe conversation to you?if not, why not
and who could help you have that conversation?Are either or both of the
professionals identifying with their client or getting drawn into the
conflict?If it isn't working keep asking questions until you find the answer.
Recently we ran out of gas in a collaborative with a really well functioning
team. We resolved to have a meeting with the clients and put our cards on the
table. We could not resolve the matter as defined by the clients and they are
complicated nice folks. Perhaps they should choose another way to resolve their
conflict. We asked abut 10 good questions and shut up. The clients got it and
headed in a more productive direction and it was one of the better meetings we
every had. I would not feel comfortable having that conversation unless I had a
strong relationship with my colleagues and felt that the process was holding me
safe as well. When I don't have a strong relationship, I first think that it is
my responsibility to create it and that starts with me. If I am any of that is
helpful, good. If not, keep asking questions. Best,Dave Murch Rochester, New
York ---- "Darcy A. Shoop" <dshoop@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote: > What about using
one neutral coach? That should appeal in some measure> to the clients because
it is one fee rather than two attys fees.> > Darcy A. Shoop, Attorney At Law>
Stein, Sperling, Bennett, De Jong,> Driscoll & Greenfeig, P.C.> 25 W. Middle
lane,> Rockville, MD 20850> > > (301) 838-3228 direct telephone> (301) 354-8128
direct facsimile> > dshoop@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> > > >
<http://tserver.steinsperling.com/vcard/DAS.jpg> > > > To ensure compliance
with requirements imposed by the IRS, we inform you> that, unless specifically
indicated otherwise, any tax advice contained> in this communication (including
any attachments) is not intended or> written to be used, and cannot be used,
for the purpose of (i) avoiding> tax-related penalties under the Internal
Revenue Code, or (ii)> promoting, marketing, or recommending to another party
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advice from> Stein, Sperling, Bennett, De Jong, Driscoll & Greenfeig, P.C. as>
protection from tax-related penalties, please contact us to discuss> whether we
can provide you with a formal written opinion. > > This message contains
information from the law firm of Stein, Sperling,> et al. that may be
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________________________________> > From: CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[mailto:CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] On> Behalf Of sandra crawford> Sent: Friday,
January 23, 2009 1:39 PM> To: cliiFELLOWS@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx;
CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> Cc: 'Pauline Tesler'> Subject: [CollabLaw] LOOKING
FOR SOME INSIGHT AND FEEDBACK ON WHERE TO> TAKE A CASE> > > > Dear
Collaborative Colleagues:> > I am looking for input and helpful feedback about
how to redirect or> terminate a CP Case.> > General Scenario:> > I have been
working on a Collaborative Practice case since last June.> The couple and
counsel signed a PA in July and since then have convened> a team consisting of
the 2 attorneys and a Financial Neutral and have a> total of 3 four-ways and
meetings with the FN. From the outset the> other lawyer and spouse have openly
resisted any discussion of engaging> coaches although there are repeated
concerns and fears expressed by the> spouse that my client has an on-going
gambling habit/addiction and is> engaged in an extra-marital relationship.
There is one very young> child, only one income and the possibility of a
removal of the child> from the state post decree. There are concerns on both
sides that there> are limited resources. For now the couple remains living
together under> very tense conditions and cannot sell their home to generate
enough cash> for either to move on. As reported by the FN a large part of the>
couples separate sessions with the FN are taken up focusing on spouse's> fears
about my client's alleged addiction and focusing on the costs of> the CP
professionals and the process. Now my client wishes only to> communicate via
e-mail as an additional cost saving measure and both> parties have expressed
concerns that communications among the> professionals must also be limited to
minimize fees. I have explained> to my client that it is very difficult to
conduct confidential> communications via e-mail only and that we committed in
the PA to> four-way and five-way meetings and professional to professional>
communication and the same are essential to moving the process along. I> feel I
am getting no recognition or support from my professional team> mates that what
might best serve here is a joint recommendation of the> professional team to
coaching in some form - not more lawyering or FN> meetings. My own sense of
never wanting to abandon a client keeps me> going along and getting along.
However, where a couples' major issues> to me seem clearly to be around working
through their fears and getting> help visualizing a new future I keep coming
back to in my own thinking> - we will continue to be unable to make true
progress without some of> mental health feedback and coaching. Now I have the
added "guilt" of> having to be in the position of being the professional who is
"plugging> the plug" on the process. > > Any suggestion, support, or insight
would be appreciated.> lawcrawford@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
<mailto:lawcrawford@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> > > Sandra C. > >
