Good story David.
Here's another:
Just last week I had a second meeting with a married couple. Father is a
workaholic, high earner and mother is a homemaker, managing three kids.
From the first meeting, mother looked exasperated and father complained she is
always negative.
Clearly she is frustrated with him, having very little of his time and quite
frankly, missing him.
This forms the basis of our discussion and I discuss the value of more "we
time". Our discussion becomes rather circular with each getting intrenched in
their position, despite my trying to take them out of it. I finally advise they
do something together by our next meeting and they agree to try.
They come to the next meeting having tried nothing and both looking exasperated.
I tell them to go for a walk, right then and there. I direct them to go down my
street, turn right at the corner and walk to the top of the hill to look out
over the escarpment. (I am in a residential area surrounded by conservation
lands with rolling hills).
They leave my residence, stiff and waddling down the sidewalk.
Twenty minutes latter they return coming back down the same sidewalk.
They are holding hands, their shoulders appear relaxed and there are smiles on
their faces.
Upon their return to my meeting room, I ask what they learned. They talked
about the few houses for sale that they saw up the hill and talked about the
amazing view. There was no anger or animosity or negativity, just a positive
shared experience.
I gave them a choice at that point. They could continue in therapy with me,
wherein time with me was their "date night", or they could take the money they
would spend with me and use it together to go out for a weekly dinner and/or
movie. They chose the latter. He went on to then say he could imagine why his
wife was so angry and took responsibility for having caused her upset by his
absence.
Therapy comes in many forms. These were basically good and decent people who
lost touch and sight of each other. Talk and wrangling wouldn't work to bring
them back. They needed an activity, an experience to get them out of their
heads and truly into each other's company.
With twenty seven years of practice experience you come to realize that
sometimes with therapy, less is more. The challenge is knowing when.
Best,
Gary
Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
Interaction Consultants and I Promise Program Inc.
20 Suter Crescent,
Dundas, Ontario, Canada L9H 6R5
(905) 628-4847
gary@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Parenting: www.yoursocialworker.com
Teen safe driving: www.ipromiseprogram.com
Gary Direnfeld is a social worker and expert on matters of family life. Courts
in Ontario, Canada, have deemed Gary an expert on child development,
parent-child relations, marital and family therapy, custody and access
recommendations, social work and an expert for the purpose of giving a critique
on a Section 112 (social work) report.
Services include counselling, mediation, assessments, assessment critiques and
workshops. Go to his website to read his many articles and view clips of
television and radio appearances: www.yoursocialworker.com
