Oh Gary, I used to live just off the escarpment in Hamilton and later we
lived close to McMaster, and I used to bike into Dundas. Such a
beautiful place!. If only people would take more time to be with each
other in places like that, life would be better.
Ann
Gutterman Griffiths PC
10375 Park Meadows Drive, Suite 520
Littleton, CO 80124
Phone: 303-858-8090
Fax: 303-858-8181
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________________________________
From: CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx [mailto:CollabLaw@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] On
Behalf Of Gary Direnfeld
Sent: Thursday, May 21, 2009 5:11 AM
To: CollabLaw Moderator
Subject: re: [CollabLaw] Impossible to Imagine
Good story David.
Here's another:
Just last week I had a second meeting with a married couple. Father is a
workaholic, high earner and mother is a homemaker, managing three kids.
From the first meeting, mother looked exasperated and father complained
she is always negative.
Clearly she is frustrated with him, having very little of his time and
quite frankly, missing him.
This forms the basis of our discussion and I discuss the value of more
"we time". Our discussion becomes rather circular with each getting
intrenched in their position, despite my trying to take them out of it.
I finally advise they do something together by our next meeting and they
agree to try.
They come to the next meeting having tried nothing and both looking
exasperated.
I tell them to go for a walk, right then and there. I direct them to go
down my street, turn right at the corner and walk to the top of the hill
to look out over the escarpment. (I am in a residential area surrounded
by conservation lands with rolling hills).
They leave my residence, stiff and waddling down the sidewalk.
Twenty minutes latter they return coming back down the same sidewalk.
They are holding hands, their shoulders appear relaxed and there are
smiles on their faces.
Upon their return to my meeting room, I ask what they learned. They
talked about the few houses for sale that they saw up the hill and
talked about the amazing view. There was no anger or animosity or
negativity, just a positive shared experience.
I gave them a choice at that point. They could continue in therapy with
me, wherein time with me was their "date night", or they could take the
money they would spend with me and use it together to go out for a
weekly dinner and/or movie. They chose the latter. He went on to then
say he could imagine why his wife was so angry and took responsibility
for having caused her upset by his absence.
Therapy comes in many forms. These were basically good and decent people
who lost touch and sight of each other. Talk and wrangling wouldn't work
to bring them back. They needed an activity, an experience to get them
out of their heads and truly into each other's company.
With twenty seven years of practice experience you come to realize that
sometimes with therapy, less is more. The challenge is knowing when.
Best,
Gary
Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
Interaction Consultants and I Promise Program Inc.
20 Suter Crescent,
Dundas, Ontario, Canada L9H 6R5
(905) 628-4847
gary@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx <mailto:gary%40yoursocialworker.com>
Parenting: www.yoursocialworker.com
Teen safe driving: www.ipromiseprogram.com
Gary Direnfeld is a social worker and expert on matters of family life.
Courts in Ontario, Canada, have deemed Gary an expert on child
development, parent-child relations, marital and family therapy, custody
and access recommendations, social work and an expert for the purpose of
giving a critique on a Section 112 (social work) report.
Services include counselling, mediation, assessments, assessment
critiques and workshops. Go to his website to read his many articles and
view clips of television and radio appearances: www.yoursocialworker.com
