<USS Avalon> "Rambling to a Computer"
- From: Lyryn Cate <wistful_fancy@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: avalon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sun, 2 Jan 2005 23:04:21 -0800 (PST)
Rambling to a Computer
By Junior Lieutenant Elijah Dareth
Elijah sat down in front of his console after having walked Melanie back to her
room. Sighing, he said, "Computer, begin recording. Personal log, Elijah
Dareth.
"I have no idea what came over me. I've been so good at hiding those...
memories of the past. Any feelings, any comparisons between Melanie and
Katrina - I've been really good at putting away. Good at ignoring.
"But tonight I lied to her, telling her there was nothing wrong. It's
ridiculous, I know, but when I asked her to sing and she wouldn't... it felt
like something Katrina would've done. Katrina never did care about my feelings
in anything. 'Course it only took me a whole year to realize it."
He paused, knowing he was rambling, but needed to tell someone, and the
computer was the most innocuous someone he could find. Taking a breath, he
continued, "No, to be honest...that only hurt my feelings a bit. I was being
petty. Really, it was the flood of emotions when she asked about my holodeck
programs. I still haven't told Mel a whole lot about the stuff on the Acheron.
I mean, she knows the basics, but she had no way of knowing about all the holo
programs I designed for Katrina."
Elijah ran his hand through his hair. "All the programs I designed for her and
she used as...meeting places for her fucking illegal activities. All the ones
she later used to implicate me in her crimes to get off easier." His hands
were squeezing the edge of the console, knuckles turning white.
"Computer, pause recording." He stood and paced around his room, unsure how to
abate his temper. "Computer, play Mazer's "Starstriker"." Elijah's room was
instantly flooded with the heavy metal music, bass rifts coming through in
perfect clarity. "Increase volume 30%."
Finally pacing his way back to his chair, he sat down and leaned back, letting
the music pound its way into his head, feeling some of the tension draining
away with the notes. Once the song ended, he played it again. After a third
time, he felt much better and told the computer to resume recording.
"How do you tell your girlfriend everything about your past relationship
without it being insulting or intimidating? It wasn't an issue before. At the
beginning I was still in "rescue the girl" mode. It's easy not to think when
I'm taking care of her, being there, helping her. But lately... well, we've
moved into a more comfortable routine - dinners, long talks.
"I'm falling in love with her. Yes, yes, I know. I can hear Trin and Liza
just laughing at me now. "When aren't you, Eli?" they'd say. But there is a
difference. When you get to know someone, there's always that stage of a
crush - the giddiness and nervous high of being around them. But it fades and
usually fades fast. Mel is different. She's solid - a lot of substance. Mel
isn't a flirty girl. She's serious about things. And I love that about her.
"I'm going to tell her. About the Acheron, that is, not about falling in love
with her. Hell, no. I'm treading carefully there. Very, very carefully.
There's no way I'm going to fall into the same trap as last time."
Taking a deep breath, Eli moved on to the next subject that had been bothering
him, "I'm pretty sure that Marksbury is seeing that Lt. Monroe. I've seen them
together a couple of times... Not that they've been anything but professional,
but I see how they look at each other. He stands too close to her. There's
something there and I'm not sure I like it. Sounds silly, I know. But I feel
a little protective of her - like she's one of my sisters or something. I just
don't like the guy.
"Don't get me wrong - he's a nice guy or at least he's been professional and
polite. I just think he's concealing something. Feels like a hidden agenda
and I can't get it out of my head that it has something to do with Marksbury.
I tell myself I'm being silly. But it's a gut instinct and momma always said
to trust it. She said I had an uncanny knack for being right. I see trouble.
"What can I do about it, though? Absolutely nothing. Oh, I could go tell my
superior officer that I didn't like her boyfriend because I have a "feeling"
something isn't on the up and up. What's that gonna accomplish? Nothing,
besides making me look like some silly teenager with a jealousy problem. Hell,
maybe I am just jealous."
He chuckled at himself, "I pray to God no one ever listens to all this shit.
Computer, end recording."
Elijah stood and made his way to bed. It was going to be tough at first
switching from Gamma to Alpha shift, but it was worth it for the trust that
Marksbury placed in him. And tomorrow he intended to talk to Melanie.
"Computer, lights out."
It was amazing how much better rambling to a computer could make you feel.
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