[projectaon] Re: My reading of 23mh
- From: Simon Osborne <outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sat, 10 Oct 2009 12:15:52 +0100
On 09/10/2009 22:15, Jonathan Blake wrote:
Here's what I found:
Great stuff. Only one thing (aside from the missing PNGs) is unresolved--see below. I haven't output
a new version yet; I'll wait until all known issues are resolved at this late stage.
(er) title: ‘the Isle of Lost Heroes’ -> the Isle of Lost Heroes
Fixed.
(er) tssf: Sadanzo—the agent of Naar -> Sadanzo—an agent of Naar
(er) 51: a second deafening Crack! -> another deafening Crack! [jb:
This is the third by my count.]
(er) 72: Grand Master Discipline of Animal Control -> Grand Master
Discipline of Animal Mastery
Fixed.
(ne) 125, 283: The text here specifically mentions a crown on their
eagle's head livery, so I think the lack of a crown in the
illustration is distracting.
(ne) 187: as it steady gains speed -> as it steadily gains speed
Fixed.
320: You might not have spoken to the men before (cf. Sections
> 256->111->320). Worth a footnote?
Agreed.
I've added the footnote: "Ignore the Prince's comments in the first paragraph if you have not spoken
with these men before (cf. the route from Section 256 through Section 111)."
Is this OK?
> 323: If Prince Karvas is unarmed, what happened to his short sword (cf.
> Section 170)? Should we add a footnote somewhere [Anders Osterberg]
Unless it was the airship crash or the wardrobe change, I don't
remember why he would be unarmed. Is this a story thread that I
missed?
It's a strange one. According to Section 170, which is a 'rallying point' that all pathways through
the adventure utilise, "Prince Karvas walks towards you, his right hand resting purposefully on the
hilt of a short sword sheathed by his side."
Then, in Sections 316, 190, and 16: "...you stop to unbuckle a sword belt from the belly of a
sleeping guard. Prince Karvas is unarmed and you are sure he will appreciate this weapon more than
its present owner."
Following these sections, which all routes through the book take, is Section 323, another rallying
point, where you are told "you take the opportunity to give him the sword and belt that you took
from the sleeping guard at the Tehda Stables."
(See the flowchart to get a better picture of the pathways:
<http://www.projectaon.org/test/en/svg/lw/23mh.svgz>)
AFAIK there is no mention made of the Prince's disappearing short sword; he isn't captured before
this stage, and he's hiding in the rope locker when the skyship crashes, so there's no reason for
him to lose his sword. A footnote in 323 is probably the best way to resolve this.
** NOT YET Fixed.
> 323: inflammable sap -> flammable sap
OK as-is.
> 331: glad news -> good news [so: maybe?]
OK as-is.
OK, marked as Rejected.
> 340: With 1,200 miles yet to cover you know-> With 1,200 miles yet to cover,
> you know
Agreed.
Fixed.
--
Simon Osborne
Project Aon
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