[lit-ideas] Re: Talking about emotions
- From: Andy <min.erva@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Thu, 4 Oct 2007 20:20:41 -0700 (PDT)
Agreed, but this is reactive to someone else's emotions. It's actually
squelching one's own emotions. Up to a point that's necessary. Beyond a
certain point, one becomes a pressure cooker. Beyond a mere release valve
(certainly better than nothing) one needs to deal with the emotion at its
source. None of this can be done in public. In other words, men need to stop
screaming and shut the door and start crying. Women too.
John McCreery <john.mccreery@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
On 10/5/07, Eric Dean wrote:
> I believe, however, that
> we *do* experience one another's emotions in some important if intractably
> ambiguous and often tragically limited ways. The fact that our experience
> of each other's emotions *is* incomplete, subject to gross error, and
> intractably ambiguous makes that experience both extremely difficult to talk
> about and anxiety-provoking. None of those characteristics, though, mean it
> is false that we have such experiences.
For whatever it may be worth, I fully endorse this statement. I am
currently involved in the training program for a telephone crisis
counseling line and one of the things we teach and learn is that, if
you are wondering what a caller is feeling, listen for a while then
consult your gut.
I can't cite any particular sources, but it does seem that when human
beings communicate we tend to synchronize our feelings. Those of us
aware of this tendency can can make use of it in therapeutic or
manipulative ways. A counsellor confronted with a panicked caller
should, for example, remain calm and neutral, thus helping to calm the
caller.
In her books on The Art of Verbal Self-Defense, Virginia Satir
recommends a similar approach whenever we encounter someone who is
angry with us. Remaining calm and neutral will dissipate the anger.
Becoming angry ourselves will send the conversation spiraling into a
fury (on-line a flame war).
John
--
John McCreery
The Word Works, Ltd., Yokohama, JAPAN
Tel. +81-45-314-9324
http://www.wordworks.jp/
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