Tiddies been a naughty boy. I can see a spanking ahoy. Get it off the list, shouts the moderator. Sorry says Titty, i'm trying to dial the operator. Nigel Best i could do off the top of my head. ----- Original Message ----- From: "TIDDYogg" <oggy@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx> To: <jaws-uk@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> Sent: Thursday, November 16, 2006 8:38 PM Subject: [jaws-uk] Re: Doggerel/Out of Africa > Oh Dear. Please ignore... how did I send it to you. sorry. > > > > TIDDYogg wrote: >> Between the Congo and the Nile, >> There lies a swamp of aspect vile, >> But at its heart a city standeth, >> As bright and gay as Gyles Brandreth. (1) >> >> And to this city, long ago, >> There came a doctor you all know, >> And too you'll know of Stanley, who >> Was seeking him, without a clue. >> >> Let's venture to this city, then, >> Ruled by Ayesha, she, whom men >> Bow down, for she must be obeyed, >> Or else with death they would be paid. >> >> The doctor comes there, and so bold >> Says: "Queen Ayesha, you're very old, >> But I can give rejuvenation, >> With but a simple operation. >> >> "To keep, dear Queen, your folk's affection, >> You'll need, methinks, a new complexion. >> I'll soon provide new physiognomy, >> And do so, dear, with great economy. >> >> "Send out for virgin sacrificial, >> Of beauty great, though superficial, >> And simple facial transplantation >> Will make you loved by all your nation. >> >> "And while we're at it, why not trade >> Your legs for those from some young maid, >> And bosom too, which when re-sited, >> Will have your warriors most delighted." >> >> And so began, this evil man, >> To carry out his monstrous plan, >> And from the body parts assembled, >> A creature made, who quite resembled... >> >> ...All the beauties through the ages, >> Centre folds from Playboy's pages, >> Zuleika Dobson, Trojan Helen, (2) >> Far more examples than I'm tellin'. >> >> The doctor, to perform this art, >> Alas was forced to stop her heart >> How else would he fit such prosthetics, >> With no recourse to anaesthetics? >> >> He therefore built a lightning rod, he >> Attached the cable to her body, >> And waited until nature's whim, >> Could finish off the job for him. >> >> The lightning flashed, the thunder roared >> And all the world was shaken, >> And while our doctor paces, bored, >> Pigs run to save their bacon. (3) >> >> Meanwhile, our Stan, hired by the Sun, (4) >> Approaches at a waddling run, >> Protected by a cheap umbrella, >> He found in someone else's cellar. >> >> And as the storm roars overhead, >> The lady stirs upon the bed, >> And Stanley, shouts into the room, >> "Doc Livingstein, sir, I presume." >> >> Ayesha rose with baleful stare, >> The lightning bolt had singed her hair, >> She took a step, rotated, cursed... >> One leg, though lovely, was reversed. >> >> Revolving slowly in her fury, >> Ayesha, lawyer, judge and jury, >> Embittered, made this parting shot: >> "Friends, your careers have gone to pot." >> >> "What happened?" Stan says, as the two >> Stand pot-bound, turning into stew. >> "Hell hath," doc said as ffire was torched, >> "No fury like a woman scorched." >> >> >> * * * >> >> (1)Gyles Brandreth - Rather un-masculine TV personality, famed for his >> multi-coloured jsweaters. >> ((2) Zuleika Dobson - eponymous heroine, a modern day Helen. Can't >> remember who wrote the novel. >> (3)Regular sufferers of Ogg doggerel will know that at this point I >> normally go off at a tangent. This time I >> >> simply changed the rhyme scheme for a verse... and plagiarism? Don't >> know the word. >> (4) One of the less salubrious British tabloids. >> >> ** To leave the list, click on the immediately-following link:- >> ** [mailto:jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=unsubscribe] >> ** If this link doesn't work then send a message to: >> ** jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx >> ** and in the Subject line type >> ** unsubscribe >> ** For other list commands such as vacation mode, click on the >> ** immediately-following link:- >> ** [mailto:jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=faq] >> ** or send a message, to >> ** jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx with the Subject:- faq >> >> >> >> >> > ** To leave the list, click on the immediately-following link:- > ** [mailto:jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=unsubscribe] > ** If this link doesn't work then send a message to: > ** jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx > ** and in the Subject line type > ** unsubscribe > ** For other list commands such as vacation mode, click on the > ** immediately-following link:- > ** [mailto:jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=faq] > ** or send a message, to > ** jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx with the Subject:- faq > > > > -- > No virus found in this incoming message. > Checked by AVG Free Edition. > Version: 7.1.409 / Virus Database: 268.14.6/536 - Release Date: 16/11/2006 > ** To leave the list, click on the immediately-following link:- ** [mailto:jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=unsubscribe] ** If this link doesn't work then send a message to: ** jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx ** and in the Subject line type ** unsubscribe ** For other list commands such as vacation mode, click on the ** immediately-following link:- ** [mailto:jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=faq] ** or send a message, to ** jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx with the Subject:- faq