[jaws-uk] Re: Doggerel/Out of Africa
- From: "susan mcdonald" <susan_mcdonald52@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: jaws-uk@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Thu, 16 Nov 2006 22:33:32 +0000
No need to apologise, I enjoyed the off topic subject
>From: TIDDYogg <oggy@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
>Reply-To: jaws-uk@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
>To: jaws-uk@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
>Subject: [jaws-uk] Re: Doggerel/Out of Africa
>Date: Thu, 16 Nov 2006 20:38:29 +0000
>
>Oh Dear. Please ignore... how did I send it to you. sorry.
>
>
>
>TIDDYogg wrote:
> > Between the Congo and the Nile,
> > There lies a swamp of aspect vile,
> > But at its heart a city standeth,
> > As bright and gay as Gyles Brandreth. (1)
> >
> > And to this city, long ago,
> > There came a doctor you all know,
> > And too you'll know of Stanley, who
> > Was seeking him, without a clue.
> >
> > Let's venture to this city, then,
> > Ruled by Ayesha, she, whom men
> > Bow down, for she must be obeyed,
> > Or else with death they would be paid.
> >
> > The doctor comes there, and so bold
> > Says: "Queen Ayesha, you're very old,
> > But I can give rejuvenation,
> > With but a simple operation.
> >
> > "To keep, dear Queen, your folk's affection,
> > You'll need, methinks, a new complexion.
> > I'll soon provide new physiognomy,
> > And do so, dear, with great economy.
> >
> > "Send out for virgin sacrificial,
> > Of beauty great, though superficial,
> > And simple facial transplantation
> > Will make you loved by all your nation.
> >
> > "And while we're at it, why not trade
> > Your legs for those from some young maid,
> > And bosom too, which when re-sited,
> > Will have your warriors most delighted."
> >
> > And so began, this evil man,
> > To carry out his monstrous plan,
> > And from the body parts assembled,
> > A creature made, who quite resembled...
> >
> > ...All the beauties through the ages,
> > Centre folds from Playboy's pages,
> > Zuleika Dobson, Trojan Helen, (2)
> > Far more examples than I'm tellin'.
> >
> > The doctor, to perform this art,
> > Alas was forced to stop her heart
> > How else would he fit such prosthetics,
> > With no recourse to anaesthetics?
> >
> > He therefore built a lightning rod, he
> > Attached the cable to her body,
> > And waited until nature's whim,
> > Could finish off the job for him.
> >
> > The lightning flashed, the thunder roared
> > And all the world was shaken,
> > And while our doctor paces, bored,
> > Pigs run to save their bacon. (3)
> >
> > Meanwhile, our Stan, hired by the Sun, (4)
> > Approaches at a waddling run,
> > Protected by a cheap umbrella,
> > He found in someone else's cellar.
> >
> > And as the storm roars overhead,
> > The lady stirs upon the bed,
> > And Stanley, shouts into the room,
> > "Doc Livingstein, sir, I presume."
> >
> > Ayesha rose with baleful stare,
> > The lightning bolt had singed her hair,
> > She took a step, rotated, cursed...
> > One leg, though lovely, was reversed.
> >
> > Revolving slowly in her fury,
> > Ayesha, lawyer, judge and jury,
> > Embittered, made this parting shot:
> > "Friends, your careers have gone to pot."
> >
> > "What happened?" Stan says, as the two
> > Stand pot-bound, turning into stew.
> > "Hell hath," doc said as ffire was torched,
> > "No fury like a woman scorched."
> >
> >
> > * * *
> >
> > (1)Gyles Brandreth - Rather un-masculine TV personality, famed for his
> > multi-coloured jsweaters.
> > ((2) Zuleika Dobson - eponymous heroine, a modern day Helen. Can't
> > remember who wrote the novel.
> > (3)Regular sufferers of Ogg doggerel will know that at this point I
> > normally go off at a tangent. This time I
> >
> > simply changed the rhyme scheme for a verse... and plagiarism? Don't
> > know the word.
> > (4) One of the less salubrious British tabloids.
> >
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> >
> >
> >
> >
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