Oh Dear. Please ignore... how did I send it to you. sorry. TIDDYogg wrote: > Between the Congo and the Nile, > There lies a swamp of aspect vile, > But at its heart a city standeth, > As bright and gay as Gyles Brandreth. (1) > > And to this city, long ago, > There came a doctor you all know, > And too you'll know of Stanley, who > Was seeking him, without a clue. > > Let's venture to this city, then, > Ruled by Ayesha, she, whom men > Bow down, for she must be obeyed, > Or else with death they would be paid. > > The doctor comes there, and so bold > Says: "Queen Ayesha, you're very old, > But I can give rejuvenation, > With but a simple operation. > > "To keep, dear Queen, your folk's affection, > You'll need, methinks, a new complexion. > I'll soon provide new physiognomy, > And do so, dear, with great economy. > > "Send out for virgin sacrificial, > Of beauty great, though superficial, > And simple facial transplantation > Will make you loved by all your nation. > > "And while we're at it, why not trade > Your legs for those from some young maid, > And bosom too, which when re-sited, > Will have your warriors most delighted." > > And so began, this evil man, > To carry out his monstrous plan, > And from the body parts assembled, > A creature made, who quite resembled... > > ...All the beauties through the ages, > Centre folds from Playboy's pages, > Zuleika Dobson, Trojan Helen, (2) > Far more examples than I'm tellin'. > > The doctor, to perform this art, > Alas was forced to stop her heart > How else would he fit such prosthetics, > With no recourse to anaesthetics? > > He therefore built a lightning rod, he > Attached the cable to her body, > And waited until nature's whim, > Could finish off the job for him. > > The lightning flashed, the thunder roared > And all the world was shaken, > And while our doctor paces, bored, > Pigs run to save their bacon. (3) > > Meanwhile, our Stan, hired by the Sun, (4) > Approaches at a waddling run, > Protected by a cheap umbrella, > He found in someone else's cellar. > > And as the storm roars overhead, > The lady stirs upon the bed, > And Stanley, shouts into the room, > "Doc Livingstein, sir, I presume." > > Ayesha rose with baleful stare, > The lightning bolt had singed her hair, > She took a step, rotated, cursed... > One leg, though lovely, was reversed. > > Revolving slowly in her fury, > Ayesha, lawyer, judge and jury, > Embittered, made this parting shot: > "Friends, your careers have gone to pot." > > "What happened?" Stan says, as the two > Stand pot-bound, turning into stew. > "Hell hath," doc said as ffire was torched, > "No fury like a woman scorched." > > > * * * > > (1)Gyles Brandreth - Rather un-masculine TV personality, famed for his > multi-coloured jsweaters. > ((2) Zuleika Dobson - eponymous heroine, a modern day Helen. Can't > remember who wrote the novel. > (3)Regular sufferers of Ogg doggerel will know that at this point I > normally go off at a tangent. This time I > > simply changed the rhyme scheme for a verse... and plagiarism? Don't > know the word. > (4) One of the less salubrious British tabloids. > > ** To leave the list, click on the immediately-following link:- > ** [mailto:jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=unsubscribe] > ** If this link doesn't work then send a message to: > ** jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx > ** and in the Subject line type > ** unsubscribe > ** For other list commands such as vacation mode, click on the > ** immediately-following link:- > ** [mailto:jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=faq] > ** or send a message, to > ** jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx with the Subject:- faq > > > > > ** To leave the list, click on the immediately-following link:- ** [mailto:jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=unsubscribe] ** If this link doesn't work then send a message to: ** jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx ** and in the Subject line type ** unsubscribe ** For other list commands such as vacation mode, click on the ** immediately-following link:- ** [mailto:jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=faq] ** or send a message, to ** jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx with the Subject:- faq