[jaws-uk] Re: Doggerel/Out of Africa

  • From: "Dr Norman Waddington" <warwickhouse@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: <jaws-uk@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Thu, 16 Nov 2006 21:49:28 -0000

Never mind it was very amusing!

Norman.
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "TIDDYogg" <oggy@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <jaws-uk@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Thursday, November 16, 2006 8:38 PM
Subject: [jaws-uk] Re: Doggerel/Out of Africa


> Oh Dear.  Please ignore... how did I send it to you.  sorry.
> 
> 
> 
> TIDDYogg wrote:
>> Between the Congo and the Nile,
>> There lies a swamp of aspect vile,
>> But at its heart a city standeth,
>> As bright and gay as Gyles Brandreth.   (1)
>>
>> And to this city, long ago,
>> There came a doctor you all know,
>> And too you'll know of Stanley, who
>> Was seeking him, without a clue.
>>
>> Let's venture to this city, then,
>> Ruled by Ayesha, she, whom men
>> Bow down, for she must be obeyed,
>> Or else with death they would be paid.
>>
>> The doctor comes there, and so bold
>> Says: "Queen Ayesha, you're very old,
>> But I can give rejuvenation,
>> With but a simple operation.
>>
>> "To keep, dear Queen, your folk's affection,
>> You'll need, methinks, a new complexion.
>> I'll soon provide new physiognomy,
>> And do so, dear, with great economy.
>>
>> "Send out for virgin sacrificial,
>> Of beauty great, though superficial,
>> And simple facial transplantation
>> Will make you loved by all your nation.
>>
>> "And while we're at it, why not trade
>> Your legs for those from some young maid,
>> And bosom too, which when re-sited,
>> Will have your warriors most delighted."
>>
>> And so began, this evil man,
>> To carry out his monstrous plan,
>> And from the body parts assembled,
>> A creature made, who quite resembled...
>>
>> ...All the beauties through the ages,
>> Centre folds from Playboy's pages,
>> Zuleika Dobson, Trojan Helen,   (2)
>> Far more examples than I'm tellin'.
>>
>> The doctor, to perform this art,
>> Alas was forced to stop her heart
>> How else would he fit such prosthetics,
>> With no recourse to anaesthetics?
>>
>> He therefore built a lightning rod, he
>> Attached the cable to her body,
>> And waited until nature's whim,
>> Could finish off the job for him.
>>
>> The lightning flashed, the thunder roared
>> And all the world was shaken,
>> And while our doctor paces, bored,
>> Pigs run to save their bacon.   (3)
>>
>> Meanwhile, our Stan, hired by the Sun,  (4)
>> Approaches at a waddling run,
>> Protected by a cheap umbrella,
>> He found in someone else's cellar.
>>
>> And as the storm roars overhead,
>> The lady stirs upon the bed,
>> And Stanley, shouts into the room,
>> "Doc Livingstein, sir, I presume."
>>
>> Ayesha rose with baleful stare,
>> The lightning bolt had singed her hair,
>> She took a step, rotated, cursed...
>> One leg, though lovely, was reversed.
>>
>> Revolving slowly in her fury,
>> Ayesha, lawyer, judge and jury,
>> Embittered, made this parting shot:
>> "Friends, your careers have gone to pot."
>>
>> "What happened?" Stan says, as the two
>> Stand pot-bound, turning into stew.
>> "Hell hath," doc said as ffire was torched,
>> "No fury like a woman scorched."
>>
>>
>>       * * *
>>
>> (1)Gyles Brandreth - Rather un-masculine TV personality, famed for his 
>> multi-coloured jsweaters.
>> ((2) Zuleika Dobson - eponymous heroine, a modern day Helen.  Can't 
>> remember who wrote the novel.
>> (3)Regular sufferers of Ogg doggerel will know that at this point I 
>> normally go off at a tangent.  This time I
>>
>> simply changed the rhyme scheme for a verse... and plagiarism?  Don't 
>> know the word.
>> (4) One of the less salubrious British tabloids.
>>
>> ** To leave the list, click on the immediately-following link:-
>> ** [mailto:jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=unsubscribe]
>> ** If this link doesn't work then send a message to:
>> ** jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
>> ** and in the Subject line type
>> ** unsubscribe
>> ** For other list commands such as vacation mode, click on the
>> ** immediately-following link:-
>> ** [mailto:jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=faq]
>> ** or send a message, to 
>> ** jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx with the Subject:- faq
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>   
> ** To leave the list, click on the immediately-following link:-
> ** [mailto:jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=unsubscribe]
> ** If this link doesn't work then send a message to:
> ** jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
> ** and in the Subject line type
> ** unsubscribe
> ** For other list commands such as vacation mode, click on the
> ** immediately-following link:-
> ** [mailto:jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=faq]
> ** or send a message, to 
> ** jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx with the Subject:- faq
>
** To leave the list, click on the immediately-following link:-
** [mailto:jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=unsubscribe]
** If this link doesn't work then send a message to:
** jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
** and in the Subject line type
** unsubscribe
** For other list commands such as vacation mode, click on the
** immediately-following link:-
** [mailto:jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx?subject=faq]
** or send a message, to 
** jaws-uk-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx with the Subject:- faq

Other related posts: