[wisb] Some Georgia humor for the day.
- From: "Andria Blattner" <ablattner22@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <wisbirdn@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Tue, 1 Apr 2014 16:13:08 -0500
Some of the humor is very local.
_____
From: Marcia Bansley [mailto:marciabansley@xxxxxxxxx]
Sent: Tuesday, April 01, 2014 9:00 AM
To: Andria Blattner; Marie Lynn Hunken
Subject: Fwd: [GABO-L] Georgia birding - biggest questions answered
Best Regards,
Marcia Bansley 404-261 -1323
Sent from my iPhone - please excuse any typos.
Begin forwarded message:
From: "chrisoneal2718 ." <chrisoneal2718@xxxxxxxxx>
Date: April 1, 2014 at 9:51:58 AM EDT
To: GABO-L@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: Re: [GABO-L] Georgia birding - biggest questions answered
Reply-To: "chrisoneal2718 ." <chrisoneal2718@xxxxxxxxx>
So many bird jokes...that's a bit "Ruff"!
Happy April Fools!
Chris O'Neal
Gwinnett County
On Apr 1, 2014 7:15 AM, "Eran Tomer" <erantomer@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Hello all,
April is finally here and the migration bird-a-thon is about to start. The
sudden arrival of so many birds is sure to cause confusion and raise many
questions, about ID and otherwise. Hence I have researched the
ornithological literature thoroughly to resolve - at long last - Georgia
birding's most vexing, outstanding conundrums (save one - see below). The
data is presented as a Frequently Asked Questions document for ease of
reference. I hope this soundly scientific information will come in handy
over coming weeks.
-------------------------------------
The Georgia Birding F. A. Q.
-------------------------------------
Q: Why is Jekyll Island so good for birding ?
A: Because on Jekyll, the birds can't hyde.
Q: I haven't heard a Barred Owl since the onset of nesting season. Do they
not vocalize after pairing ?
A: They have no reason to. Once a Barred Owl says, "I do", the other owl
knows who cooks for it and stops asking.
Q: I have never seen a hawk chase a Painted Bunting. Do they taste bad ?
A: Probably not, but even birds know that so much food coloring can't be
good for one's health.
Q: Speaking of which, Painted Buntings use my feeder but never the bird
bath. Why ?
A: Because then all the paint will wash off and the hoax will be revealed:
they are just Indigo Buntings with an inferiority complex.
Q: I've seen more House Wrens than ever over the past few years. Any idea
why ?
A: Foreclosures. In fact, the AOU is about to split this species into
Studio Wren and Tent Wren.
Q: I read that this species is implicated in out-competing Bewick's Wren
out of the state. So, any hopes it will recolonize now ?
A: Unlikely. Bewick's Wren still faces fierce competition from various,
introduced Japanese species that use resources more efficiently.
Q: Why are Evening Grosbeaks so rare in Georgia ?
A: Because the state is full of Morning Doves.
Q: In that case, why are Mourning Warblers so rare here ?
A: They bypass the state since the many Laughing Gulls so callously hurt
their feelings. The doves don't care, they stand for peace.
Q: But I'd really like to find a Mourning Warbler for my state list. Any
advice ?
A: Easy - wait for spring, find a Blackpoll Warbler and say, "Have you
heard the news ? The Canadian Woolly Adelgid just wiped out the entire
boreal forest !".
Q: Why are Connecticut Warblers rare in Georgia ?
A: Do you know U. S. history ?
Q: Fish Crows don't subsist off fish, and don't look like fish, and don't
sound like fish. How did they get their name ?
A: Good question, I can't FICR it out either.
Q: What is the best place in Georgia to find a Redhead ?
A: Dublin, naturally.
Q: Do Red-cockaded Woodpeckers really have red cockades ? I've never seen
them.
A: They do, but if they show them off in civilian lands they get court
martialled, declared AWOL and sent back to Ft. Stewart and Ft. Benning.
Q: So *that's* why this species is so rare outside military lands in
Georgia ?
A: That, and habitat fragmentation. Military reinforcement is essential
since proper pine detachments are rarely a little big, so hostile companies
keep conquering the clusters' last stands.
Q: Georgia is in the South, but the state checklist has Ivory Gull and
Yellow-billed Loon. How is that possible ?
A: A Ring-billed Gull noticed that something smelled good in a discarded
laundry detergent container, got trapped inside and a Common Loon tried to
help.
Q: We've had a Northern Lapwing too - how does a European bird end up in
Georgia, of all places ?
A: It was trying to find the shortest migration route between Scandinavia
and the Mediterranean, so it pecked "Rome" or "Athens" on the GPS and just
followed directions. Once here, it got lost.
Q: All the Bald Eagles I've ever seen were immatures but I'd like to see an
adult. How do I find one ?
A: You're out of luck. There are old eagles, there are Bald Eagles, but
there are no old Bald Eagles.
Q: A flock of Wild Turkeys is terrorizing the neighborhood. Even the
coyotes are scared of them. What do we do ?
A: Hang on just a little longer. Wild Turkeys have unique genetics such
that in late November they morph into Ovenbirds.
Q: Speaking of which, I haven't seen or heard an Ovenbird in quite a while.
Are Ovenbirds declining ?
A: No, but given the recent recession half the teachers in Georgia remain
furloughed.
Q: I've seen Northern Gannets just off the beach, but never Brown Boobies.
Does that mean boobies are more pelagic ?
A: Uhh, no... It's just that as soon as these tanned boobies get on the
beach, they get arrested for indecent exposure.
Q: Why do we have so many Red-eyed Vireos in Georgia ?
A: Pollen !
Q: Why are Red-eyed Vireos so much quieter after the nesting season ?
A: After hearing the same question ad nauseum all day, every day for weeks
on end, the other birds get fed up and finally give them the answer.
Q: I need a White-eyed Vireo for my county list. What's the best way to
find one ?
A: Locate a Red-eyed Vireo and offer it eye drops.
Q: What's the most common bird in the Georgia mountains ?
A: The Common Rabun.
Q: None of my smartphone bird apps shows the distinction between male and
female Black-and-white Warbler. How do I tell them apart ?
A: Use the barcode scanner app on these birds, the info pops right up.
Q: Why do Swallow-tailed Kites fly in circles so frequently ?
A: They do have to grab their tails before they can swallow them.
Q: Why don't Bank Swallows breed in Georgia ?
A: By now, regulators have shut down just about every Georgia-based bank.
----------------------
- Eran Tomer
Atlanta, GA
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- » [wisb] Some Georgia humor for the day. - Andria Blattner
