[ussgeorgetown] "Family Planning"
- From: LtCmdrSydMorgan@xxxxxxx
- To: ussgeorgetown@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sun, 10 Jul 2005 21:15:44 EDT
"Family Planning"
Alex and Vivie Lazzara-Henderson & Counselor Elishvrachen ch'Thane
She could tell that there was something on Alex's mind and that her lover
was even more antsy then normal, so Vivie walked a little closer to her as
they
made their way to Lish's office. She was really hoping that talking to Lish
before they started trying for the baby would help both of prepare for what
they were getting into.
Stepping up to Lish's door, Vivie paused a moment to kiss Alex's softly on
the lips. "I love you." She smiled sweetly and then rang the chime.
Lish stood up and walked to the door. He opened it himself, greeting his
two visitors with a nod of his head and antennae. "Come in," he said in his
usually soft voice. "Have a seat wherever you are comfortable."
Vivie took Alex's hand and lead her to one of the couches. "I'm glad you
were able to see us so soon, Lish."
Alex just sat on the couch next to Vivie, keeping a hold on her hand. She
didn't want Lish picking up any stray thoughts so she tried to keep her mind
on
the topic at hand.
"The door is always open but it is also quite a pleasure when Dr. Kaartaren
and I have people come voluntarily," Lish said, his eyes crinkling slightly
as he took one of the soft chairs opposite them. He leaned forward slightly,
his antennae facing them and his gray eyes peering out from beneath his
braids. "Tell me what brings you both to see me."
"We want to have a child and we want to be ready for what that brings with
it." Vivie explained. "There's a lot of fear and insecurities we'd like to face
before we start trying to get pregnant."
He thought that it would be a wonderful idea personally but that was just
it--his personal opinion, which had no place there just yet. He looked at
Alex. "Alex, is that your opinion as well?"
"Is what my opinion as well? Having a baby or having the insecurities? What
my wife is so delicately trying to say is that I am the one with the
insecurities. I am still insecure about my leg, let alone a baby." Alex simply
sat
there and held onto Vivie's hand.
"Understandable, Alex," Lish began. "This is quite a large undertaking.
May I ask, first, what brought you both to this decision?"
Alex looked at Vivie expecting her to answer but instead spoke up herself.
"Apparently Vivie has been thinking about it for some time, yet had not told me
her wishes. We then had company over for dinner and the topic came up and
soon I made mention that I wasn't totally against having a child, just that it
had never been brought up before and that we needed to discuss it. I guess
you could say that is why we are here now." Alex gave Vivie's hand a squeeze.
Lish looked at Alex curiously. "It seems that you are still unsure of this,
Alex. Do you feel that your injury is the hindrance alone or is there more
than that?"
Vivie looked over at Alex. She wanted the truth about how Alex was feeling
about this and she was hoping that her wife would be more open with Lish there
to help prod her along.
Alex looked at Vivie, knowing she was waiting to hear what she had to say.
"I won't deny that I am concerned about my leg. The thought has crossed my
mind, what would happen if I were holding the baby and my leg went out from
under me? I would be putting the child at risk. I was not raised in a family
such
as Vivie was or a lot of other people. I never thought that I would be
considering having a child, but now I wonder about it. It scares me, yet at
the
same time the thought makes me smile. I just never planned that my life would
make this turn."
Looking at Vivie, Alex continued, "You know my insecurities, my feelings of
not wanting to share you, which may be petty, but they are real to me. The
insecurity I have at the thought of being a parent. I haven't a clue as to
what
to do? That doesn't mean I don't want to have a baby with you. You are my
life and my soul mate and I don't want to lose that." Go ahead ramble some more
and make an even bigger fool of yourself....
"Sweetheart, it scares me too. I've never been a parent and I wasn't the
best of kids." Vivie replied. "That stuff we'll learn together along the way.
I
just wish." She sighed. "You'd give over with this leg thing."
"I am working on getting over the leg thing, but it is still a fact of my
life. I have been going to see Revered for his brand of Physical Therapy, to
try and gain better control over it. I think I have come a long way toward
accepting what happened and it's after affect's. It's hard for me to explain
it
to you so you understand." How do I make her understand...
Lish had been allowing the two women to talk on their own. If his presence
made it easier to speak that which they wouldn't speak otherwise, then he was
doing his job. At the mention of the enarrain, though, he sniffed in
amusement. "Alex, my th'se's uncle may be a hard task master but he will be
of
help to you in more ways than one. I know him well and if you can tolerate
him,
you are well on your way to tolerating other things."
Vivie sighed and then looked at Lish for help.
"What is that sigh for?"
"Let me say something to both of you," Lish began. His eyes and antennae
moved back and forth from Vivie to Alex. "You have both said the same
thing--that neither of you has ever been a parent before. You have this in
common.
Even people who have children already have been known to have those feelings
at the thought of another one. It is all perfectly normal. Even Alex's not
wanting to share you, Vivie--perfectly normal..."
Vivie blinked. "It is?"
"It is," Lish said with a tilt of his antennae. "If one shares, one might
lose."
Now Vivie was confused. "How would I be lost to a baby? My mothers had four
children and always made time for each other."
"It may not happen to every set of parents but let us say, for example, that
right now, neither your attention nor Alex's has to be shared. If a child
came into the mix, the attention would be divided. That would be necessary
and, even if both realize that, both or one may resent it," Lish replied,
settling his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward. "In the case where
there is
no large extended family about, it can be glaringly obvious."
Looking at Vivie and back at Lish, Alex finally felt like someone understood
what she was feeling. She wanted to have the baby, but was afraid of losing
Vivie, which Lish just said was real feeling, not something made up.
Vivie looked over at Alex. "You'd resent me or the baby?"
Lish waited. He knew what a sore subject this could be.
"No, I wouldn't resent you or the baby intentionally. I told you I want this
as much as you do. It just scares the hell out of me, that I could lose you
to the baby. All your time would be taken up in caring for the baby, nursing,
etc. Then add work to the equation and there isn't much left over."
Looking at Vivie, Alex hesitated for a moment, "It also bother's me that you
think I should just get over my leg already. As if the way I feel about it
doesn't matter to you? That hurts, I just haven't said anything."
"I didn't mean that you should just poof be ok with it." Vivie replied. "I
meant it's time to stop using it as an excuse." She paused a moment before
adding. "And if we do things together with the baby we'll be able to make time
for each other."
"I am not using it as an excuse and never had. The fact still remains that I
could possibly drop the baby if the leg went out from under me. I'm not
using that as an excuse, it's a fact." Alex was starting to feel hurt and
angry.
Lish held up a hand. "Stop a moment...both of you. You both have good
points and they are both things that can be worked on. Alex, you are working
with Enarrain S'Aehallh'Nveni, are you not?"
"Yes, unfortunately."
"If you can tolerate his brand of physical conditioning then you will most
likely reach whatever goal he sets for you. Until then, if you were afraid of
dropping a child, why would you simply not just sit down when holding it?
That is what one of our friends did with Challornetha when we were still on
Earth," Lish explained.
Vivie gave Lish a thankful look for his help. She knew she was making things
worse, but the whole reason for coming here was to work through this. "Baby,
it's not like the baby will be here tomorrow."
Alex just sat there not saying anything. She didn't know what to say
anymore. Nothing she was saying was getting through. She had never felt more
frustrated than she did at that moment.
"Alex, why do you say that Vivie will be busy caring for the baby and not
you? Certainly, with Humans it is the birth mother who nurses but that does
not mean the other parent is not as important. Do no make a decision simply
to
please her. Do it because it is what you want as well," Lish stated. He
knew the statement might hurt Vivie's feelings but it needed to be said.
"Baby please say something." Vivie asked.
"I am not making a decision just to please her, at least I don't think I am.
I never had siblings so I never had to share my parents. All I know is what
I saw as I was being raised. My mother did everything while my father
basically went to "work." That is what I know, I don't know a family such as
yours,
Vivie. I don't understand the dynamics involved. I just know that there was
never enough time for my mother or for me."
"But we can help you learn what a genuine two parent family is like, Alex.
There are several examples in the ship. In my case, it was four parents but
the intent is still the same. You need not follow a role just because you
are familiar with it," Lish said softly. "It is your road to walk, not your
parents'."
"Maybe. Change and I don't get along all that well, nor does patience. Maybe
I am being selfish, I don't know. I know I love you Vivie and want to spend
the rest of my life with you. I do want to have this child with you, yet I am
not sure that I would make a good parent." Having said that Alex just sat
there not looking anywhere special.
"I think you'll be a great Mom." Vivie replied softly. "And we're both gonna
end up making mistakes."
"I don't know. I would like to think that I would and who knows perhaps with
your help in time I will."
Vivie put her hand on Alex's knee. "We're in this together, Babe."
Alex didn't know what to say or even what to think. She put her hand on
Vivie's and looked at her with tears in her eyes.
"Why are you crying?" Vivie asked as she brushed the tears from her wife's
eyes.
"I'm not sure. I love you so much and I don't want to disappoint you. I am
terrified...of what I don't know."
Vivie put her around around Alex's shoulder and sighed.
"Don't keep sighing, talk to me. Tell me how you feel? All this time I have
been doing all the talking about how I feel. I want to know your thoughts and
feelings on the subject."
"I'm scared but wanting a baby out weighs that." Vivie said softly. "But I
worry that I'm pushing you into this."
"Haven't you figured out by now that you can't push me into something I
don't really want to do? I know how much family means to you. We just have
different perceptions of family. I want a family with you, not just you and
me, but
a family and all that goes with it. I suppose it's the expectations that
scare me the most." Alex gently put her hand on Vivie's face. "If our child is
anything like you, then all this is worth it."
"If our child is anything like me we're in a lot of trouble when he or she
hits puberty." Vivie laughed.
"If our child is anything like you they will be beautiful, kind, caring,
loving, honest, stubborn, but most of all they will be loved. By me."
Vivie laughed. She would have kissed Alex but Lish was in the room. "Keep
that in mind when we get a call at three in the morning about our child joy
riding in shuttles."
Alex looked at Vivie and kissed her. "It's not gonna happen because they
will be grounded until they are married."
Lish had been pleased to let them talk on their own, simply because doing
that often allowed events and ideas to come out naturally rather than being
prodded. "If I might make a suggestion to both you," he finally said, "it is
that you both make an effort to acquaint yourselves with the children aboard
the ship. The Murgo family is going to be joining us and there are three
little girls. Perhaps you saw them in the mess hall? There is T'Pern, who is
under Ensign Pax's care and there is Ensign Lynn but she is an officer in her
own right in addition to her age. There is also Dr, Kaartaren's daughter
Mika.
I did not forget my own child, either. She is the youngest, obviously.
But get to know them, talk to their parents and ask questions..."
Listening to Lish name of all the children, Alex was starting to become more
than a little paranoid. "There's...........that....many already?"
"We are on a Sovereign class ship, Babe. Built to handle families remember."
Vivie laughed and patted Alex's knee. "I wouldn't be surprise if there were
even more."
"I am quite sure there will be," Lish told her, his eyes crinkling. He
didn't know if he was at liberty to say so but he knew about Calista's
pregnancy
and T'Leara's as well.
Oh lord, what have I gotten into?
Other related posts:
- » [ussgeorgetown] "Family Planning"
