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"Fun in Dysfunctional" Lindsey and Miranda Hale She’d had all commutations suspended and the entire system gone over with a fine tooth comb. It wasn’t until she was shown proof from her chief engineer that the comm. system was completely secure that Miranda finally allowed open commutations again. The young ensign who thought he’d find fame in leaking information to the media was in the brig, and according to her tactical officer a transport ship had just entered the badlands; it really wasn’t a surprise to her when the pounding behind her eyes started. Was it mean to hope her father would simply go to Mac’s ship and leave her in peace? “Captain,” Came one of her bridge officer’s voices. “you’ve a private call coming in.” Guess it was to much to hope for, she thought. “From?” She replied as she finished drying her hair and pulled on old sweatshirt. “Earth, Ma’am.” That made light brown eyes blink. “Put it through to my quarters.” Lindsey smiled when she got through to Miranda. "Hey sweetness, you ok?" For some reason Miranda was actually surprised when her mother’s image appeared on the screen. She blinked again as she lowered herself into her desk chair and then curled one leg up to her chest as she wrapped her arms around it. “I’m fine, Momma.” She lied. “What’s wrong?” "Sam told me you called," Lindsey said with a half smile, shaking her head at her daughter's lie. "He said you got papa but you wanted me." “Well, yeah, I did.” She replied as she wondered how much Sam had heard and what he’d told their mother. Unless he had some kind of instrument in his hands Sam tended to blend in. She’d lost track of all the times he’d overheard things he shouldn’t have when they were kids, which always ended with her flicking his ears. “Did he tell you why I called?” "No, baby, just that you'd needed me," Lindsey said, her eyes searching her daughter's. "Then your papa ran off, didn't tell me why, I thought... you might... did you find Evy?" The last was said with a tight squeeze in her chest. Eyes the color of honey, almost the same exact color as the ones staring at her, went wide. He hadn’t told her? What the hell! “No, Momma.” Miranda replied unable to look at her mother as she said it. “I’m so sorry, I haven’t found her yet, it wasn‘t her.” The lead in her stomach thumped down and Lindsey flinched with a gasp. "Who?" she said, sounding more broken than ever. "Who did you find?" Miranda’s head was spinning. Her father had just left with no word? He hadn’t told her mother about Josh? After all these years did they really rank under a dead man? “Josh.” Lindsey blinked, her heart breaking as she realized John had left for someone who wasn't even their child, someone who wasn't even related to them. "I see. Well good... I guess." “I can’t believe he didn’t tell you.” She was somewhere between shocked and totally pissed off. “After the hard time he gave me over him, I thought he’d be yellin’ it from the top of the house.” "No, baby, he just took off before I got home," Lindsey said with a tired shrug. "Sam didn't know where he'd gone 'cept out t'see you. I thought... I guess I was wrong." What had she missed? What little stone had been thrown to start everything sharing around her? Evy’s still missing. Stevie’s marriage was over, hers was a joke. Their father picks up and leaves home to come check on her annoying should be dead ship guest. How the hell had she messed up so badly at keeping her family together? “I’m sorry, Momma, I’m so sorry.” "Why are you sorry, baby?" Lindsey asked, staring at her daughter's tired face, a mirror of her own. "Ain't nothing you could've done. He's his own man and I've known for a while now he don't love me like he used to." Miranda just shook her head and wished the scotch and bourbon weren’t on the other side of the damn room. She’d failed at nearly everything, at being a sister, a mother, a daughter, a wife, but at least she could claim being a half descent captain. At least she still had that to offer, she’d had one hell of good career, one her momma could have been proud of. “I should have done a lot, Momma.” "Done what?" Lindsey asked sadly. "Ain't none of this your fault. Trust me, I'm old enough t'make my own mistakes, same as your father." That made the younger woman snort. Her father had never been a perfect man in her eyes, but then again she’s always been a momma’s girl. “Some mistakes you didn’t really have a choice in.” "No, some were made for me," Lindsey said, her bitterness leaking out. "Like when t'leave the Fleet." Her hurt from John not even telling her why he'd left was making her careless as she said, "Your papa made that one for me." Miranda flinched as if she’d been hit when her mother brought up leaving Starfleet. The second part of her mother’s statement was nearly drowned out by the memory of the fight she’d had with Johnny in her bedroom. "And I might act like a bastard, but at least I wasn't the mistake that ruined Momma's life." “Things shoulda been different.” "Only your papa coulda changed that, baby," Lindsey sighed The younger woman looked confused now. “A vasectomy would‘ve worked but then you wouldn‘t have the others either.” "No baby, it was him who made me leave," Lindsey sighed. "He wanted me t'leave t'bring you up. He didn't think I'd cope being in the Fleet and having you. I left coz he wouldn't stop on at me." “But you wouldn’t have had to quit at all if you hadn’t gotten pregnant in the first place.” Miranda replied before thinking. “If I hadn’t have come along you’d be sittin’ up in that center chair where you belong, not me.” "Don't bullshit me, Miranda Hale," Lindsey snorted, folding her arms, "That's crap and you know it. Did you leave the Fleet when you had your kiddies? Did you turn your back on all you'd achieved?" Miranda shook her head sadly, her voice nothing but her honest emotion. “I turned my back on them, all of them, my kids, Stevie, Evy, everyone cause the only thing I could focus on was stepping in where I’d made you leave off.” Guilt washed through Lindsey and she slumped. "Where'd I go wrong?" she whispered as she draped a hand over her eyes. "When did you start t'think you had to live my life coz I screwed mine up so bad?" “You didn’t screw it up, Momma, I did.” Miranda replied angrily. “It didn’t take a genius to count to nine once I seen when you’d officially resigned your commission.” "And it don't take a genius to read my personal logs, baby girl," Lindsey snapped back. "The ones where I cried and begged John, the ones were I was so defeated I just gave in and left." She’d never been brave enough to look at them. “I only saw the paperwork.” "Then listen to the logs," Lindsey said with a weighted sadness. "It's... enlightening." Miranda nodded, swallowed the lump in her throat and then shook her head. “I should have done better, Momma, I’m sorry. Everything a fucking mess and it’s my fault.” Lindsey shook her head too and sighed. "Stop with the guilt, baby. I'm tired of this." She actually laughed at that. “It’s been with me to long, Momma. I’ve known since I was a little girl, it’s what’s fueled me through it all. My responsibility to keep everyone together, to make sure no one else had to give up their dreams, to make sure everyone was happy, to give you back what you’d lost. Other then Tempest, I’ve fallen way short.” "Then stop, baby girl," Lindsey sighed. "I never asked you for it and the others won't be grateful. Stop and just live for yourself for once." “I can’t.” Miranda said softly as she shook her head. The tears she’d been fighting were finally pooling in her eyes. “It’s to late, Momma. There’s to much damage that needs fixin’. I just can’t.” "Then I don't know what t'say to you, baby girl," Lindsey sighed. “It’s alright, Momma.” Miranda said as she hugged both her legs to her chest now. It was the only thing keeping her from reaching out to touch the screen. “I’ll find Evy, then I’ll help Stevie through the divorce, and I’ll find a way to get my kids back, and I’ll come home and help around the ranch. I’ll fix it, Momma, I promise.” Lindsey blinked, what little colour had been on her face drained away. "Divorce?" she said hoarsely. "What divorce?" Miranda groaned and smacked herself in the head. This was why she didn’t get emotional. When she got emotional, she tended to run off at the mouth. “Which divorce?” Lindsey's eyes narrowed even though her cheeks stayed pale. "Stevie's," she said coldly. "And your kids? Where're your kids, Miranda? What's happened?" “More then I can handle.” She sighed. “Stevie filed for divorce after he found out about the abortion. I filed when I found Stavros sleeping with my first officer, he turned around and filed for sole custody of the kids.” Lindsey gripped her hands tightly in her lap, forcing herself to keep eye contact with her daughter. "And you didn't want t'tell me?" she asked, all of the hurt and fear in her eyes. "I'm that bad a mother, huh?" “No!” Miranda yelped as she shook her head. “No, Momma. I just thought I could handle it. I’m the oldest, it’s my responsibility to help you take care of the others. And we.. We didn’t want to disappoint you again.” "You ain't never disappointed me, not any of you," Lindsey said as she slumped back, her head going down. A trickle of tears seeped out and ran down her cheeks as she hid her face in her hair. This time Miranda did reach out to touch the screen as her heart broke inside her chest. “Momma please don’t cry. Please. I’m sorry. Please.” "I screwed up so bad," Lindsey whispered. Chalk up another mess, Miranda sighed. “No, Momma. You didn’t screw anything up.” Wiping her tears from her face, Lindsey stared up and shook her head. "My fault, baby. It's all my fault. If I'd've been strong enough to stay in the Fleet, if I'd set the example, we'd be a balanced family. If I was young enough, your papa would never have..." Her voice broke and she hugged herself. The phase your papa rattled around in Miranda’s head again and it slowly started to dawn on her where all of this started. He was a man who liked to get his way, she’d seen it time and time again after joining Starfleet, but she’d never once placed that side of him at home. Then again, when had he ever truly been at home? It hit her like a bolt of lightening. If there was blame to be placed anywhere it wasn’t at her mother’s feet nor her own, her father had started this out of control snowball. “Momma, I can’t do it by myself anymore. I need you.” Lindsey reached a shaking hand out to touch the screen and she nodded. "I'm coming, baby, I promise. All you ever had t'do is ask." “I couldn’t until now.” She admitted. “I couldn’t standing thinking I’d disappointed you again, but I’m starting to think that a lot of the stuff I thought was true is all messed up in my head.” "I'm coming now though, I'm coming to take care of you and Stevie," she said firmly. Miranda scrunched her nose as she rubbed just above her eyebrow with her index finger. “He’s gonna be really pissed with me for running off at the mouth.” "I'll deal with him, baby girl," Lindsey said, her eyes going steely. "He won't say anything to me." “He’s pretty broken up, Momma.” Miranda said softly. It still hurt to think of her bright, laughing, ease going little brother being so hurt and broken. “She really ripped his heart out.” Stupid bitch. “I’ve never seen him like that before.” "I didn't even know," Lindsey sighed. "Then again, I guess I ain't been overly honest about some things either." Miranda nodded and then sighed. “No one ever said we Hales were a normal family.” Then she smiled just a little. “What’s the old saying? We put fun in dysfunctional?” Lindsey laughed sadly, "That's the one." She smiled a little longer before rubbing her cheek where her tears had dried and made it itchy. “I really am sorry, Momma. Things shouldn’t have gotten this far outta hand.” "I'm sorry too, baby girl, for so many things." Not our fault, she thought as she nodded. “We’ll get through it, Momma.” --
A.D.A Alex Cabot: He's as bad as his client hoping the victim is to traumatized to testify! He’s lucky I didn’t knock his teeth down his throat! Capt. Don Cragen: I’d pay real money to see that. |
