[TheNoir] "I Can Feel the Rain"
- From: Isabella Valentine <wistful_fancy_noir@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: thenoir@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Mon, 13 Dec 2004 21:05:50 -0800 (PST)
I Can Feel the Rain
By Isabella Valentine
She awoke, gagging on the taste of metal. An object. Turning to her side, she
spat. The coin tumbled from her mouth to land on the ground beside her. The
ground...it was sharp, as if tiny pieces of obsidian had been chipped away and
sprinkled about. Her skin was seared by a thousand pinpricks, each needle
grinding further into her flesh as she moved.
Isabella, for she instinctively knew that she couldn?t be Bella in this place,
stood, wincing in pain as the rock cut her flesh like so many rows of tiny
teeth. She wore no shoes. Looking down, she realised she wore no clothing
either. But she wasn?t cold. The air was too thick to be cold. It was almost a
dull pressure, driving itself into her skin by sheer force of will. It nearly
vibrated with the silence. Blank, hazy, red and black.
She knew where she was. The broad river was flowing only meters away from her.
Tar. It seemed as if were made of tar. Isabella leaned forward for a closer
look, not minding the biting rocks any longer. Curious and oddly numb.
"Wouldn?t get too close if I were you," Micah said to her.
She wrinkled her nose as the stench suddenly hit her. She turned and vomited,
spittle spraying over the shiny, black ground, spattering against her naked
toes. The river rolled and churned with the waste of worlds long past. A skull
broke the surface, momentarily winking at her before being caught up again on
its journey.
"I told you not to get too close."
She could hear the smile in his voice.
"Why are you here?" she whispered hoarsely, bile stinging the back of her
throat.
"The Gravedigger made my grave shallow, Isabella. I can feel the rain."
It made no sense but somehow it didn?t matter.
"I have to go over there, don?t I? To the other side?" She never did turn her
head to look at him. She was afraid of what she?d find.
"That?s the way it works. Pay him."
It was so odd that she knew where he was pointing without looking.
She watched the ferryman slowly push his craft through the sludge. It was
silent.
"I don?t wanna go."
*
Bella moaned as Anais frantically cleaned her wounds to get a look. The girl
had been beaten horribly and was most likely in shock from loss of blood. Her
pupils were pinpoints and she didn?t look good. Anais shook her head and worked
faster.
*
She stood staring at the matter/anti-matter chamber.
"It?s beautiful, isn?t it, Belladonna?" This time it was Luke?s voice. She felt
cold, cold hands dancing through her hair, wisping over her neck. She shivered,
though this time she was wearing clothes. Still no shoes. The air was chilled
and smelled like...strawberry yogurt. Tangy and fruity.
"You should?ve been here earlier. You missed the sunset."
"There?s no sunset in space," she managed to choke out, so very afraid to turn
around.
"It?s shallow, isn?t it? The grave. Do you feel the rain, Belladonna?" The cold
breath whispered upon her neck, "My poison."
This wasn?t Luke.
Bella ran from his grasp, her feet pounding their way through the
Shadowdancer?s interior. The walls began to deteriorate before her eyes. The
carpet began growing mold. It started oozing between her toes. The thought of
the slimy, black goo rising over her feet caused her stomach to lurch and she
bit back the bile in her throat. There was no time to throw up. The mold was
chasing her down the ship.
The door to her old quarters loomed in front of her, though no where near where
it should be. She ran through the door.
*
Though there was a terrible knot in the back of Bella?s head, Anais determined
that she didn?t have a concussion. She administered the hypospray sedative and
analgesic. The girl?s heart rate was off the charts.
*
Bright light greeted her on the other side of the door. Her childhood home.
Bedroom. It was cosy in its opulence. The six year old version of herself sat
on the bed, brushing the hair of her favourite doll. Looking up with large
green eyes, dark hair falling long over her shoulder, the child said, "Don?t
drink the water. It?s gonna rain."
*
Bella?s eyes fluttered and she could see the now familiar ceiling to sickbay.
It swam and she thought she saw Anais? kind face staring over her. Her sides
hurt. She couldn?t breathe.
*
Suddenly she was in Nate and Dan?s quarters sitting on the floor. Her hair was
long and Dan was gently tugging a brush through it.
"Oh god, I can?t breathe," she said, gasping.
"Some things we cannot change, half pint. We worked out a nice routine and
someone covered the cat?s head."
"Not you too. Please Dan, not you too. I can?t...can?t breathe."
"The Gravedigger, half pint. You?ll feel the rain."
"Please, say something else. Anything else," she panted, the searing pain in
her sides, choking off her words.
"Listen to me and listen good. This is important." He turned her suddenly to
face him and she cried out in pain. "Celebrate. Life is short, but sweet. Climb
on two by two, Bella. Two by two. Make sure these days continue. These things
we cannot change."
"What does that mean?" she begged, ragged breaths as she fell away.
*
She sank into the oblivion, snow fell and dissolved upon her skin. The flakes
felt nice. Her body was burning. Bella turned her head. Sickbay again. Anais
was gone. It was hot. She was hot. Her eyes closed once again.
*
She stood outside the door to Micah?s quarters. Only this time she knew what
awaited her. "No," she whimpered.
"You gotta go," the six year old Bella told her older self. "It?s the
Gravedigger. You can?t live forever. Seems forever when you?re a little kid."
The child turned and walked away.
"Face it, Belladonna. The poison. The sunset." It was Luke?s voice again, then
it was gone.
"Celebrate," Dan whispered. "Celebrate."
She stepped forward.
*
Sickbay again. It was quiet. Nate stood beside her bed.
"I don?t understand," she whispered.
Nate shrugged. "Neither do I. This is your unconscious reality, li?l bit. Not
mine."
"But you seem so real."
"I?m real enough." He reached out and brushed her hair back from her forehead.
"What does it mean? Am I dying?"
"Probably." He paused, considering his next words. "Gravedigger," he whispered.
"But I?ll ask him to make your grave shallow so you can feel the rain."
She cried.
"It won?t be that bad. You can?t live forever. I told you not to play her
games. Mind games were never your forte, li?l bit."
"What did Dan mean? It was important."
"You can?t be afraid of life. You can?t hide. And stop being alone. It?s time,"
he told her and the air shimmered before her eyes.
*
She was compelled to walk through the door. She didn?t want to, no longer in
control of her body; she was trapped inside her past self.
Micah lay in the middle of the bed. So much blood. There...was...so much. The
knife, the skin peeled back from his body. It was all there. And the coppery
smell accompanying his death. Just as she remembered. She screamed a hoarse
mockery of surprise. It was so much more than that. So much more.
On her knees, she vomited once again. It began to rain.
*
Bella heard the door to sickbay open and footsteps approaching. Must be the
Gravedigger, came the idle thought. It didn?t hurt anymore. She just wanted to
see Shane one last time...
---------------------------------
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