[TheNoir] "Another Face Emerges"
- From: "Brad Ruder" <groundzero@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: thenoir@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Wed, 15 Dec 2004 15:09:52 -0800
“Another Face Emerges”
by Shane Taggart
& Isabella Valentine
It felt good; that surge of adrenaline knowing that he'd taught her a lesson, or so he hoped. Shane didn't feel mightier, nor did he feel like more of a man, but he felt good to put someone in their place that needed it. Now he was off to go see Bella again. Celebrate with the spoils of his victory. He wanted the acceptance from her that he had done good - almost as if she was a parent and he was a child desperately seeking affection - and it was new feeling to him.
The door swished open and he saw her laying there. He almost thought it might have been peaceful if he hadn't known any better. "It's done," he said, sitting down on a small stool next to her bed. Shane caressed the arm of his 'partner in crime'. He was still unsure of their relationship. "Anita shouldn't bother us anymore."
Bella looked at him with expectant eyes, reaching out to touch him, "She's dead?"
"No," Shane said as his head bobbed slightly, "I did beat her senseless though. She's smart enough not to stick her hand in the cookie jar for a second time. And, if she is, well there will be consequences that she'll have to face. Have faith, beautiful, she won't hurt you again."
Bella smiled at him, running her thumb over his hand. "I knew she wouldn't get the better of you." She looked up into his eyes, wondering why she suddenly felt so damn attached to him. She just wanted to hold him and be held...to actually, she swallowed, maybe make love to him. Sweetly. It's the lack of meds, she told herself. Crazy emotions, is all. And yet she couldn't help but reach out for a comforting hug at the end of all the turmoil of the past few days.
"Bella, I want you to know something about me," Shane told her as he ran a hand across her forehead, "I don't know if you'll like it or not, but you'll have to know at some point or another. I don't know how much you know about the Tal Shiar..." Shane let his voice trail off as he looked across the otherwise empty sickbay.
Bella felt her pulse race just a bit. "I know more about them than I want to," she said bitterly. She paused a moment. "Shane, why won't you look at me? I don't look that bad, do I?" She tried laughing, but it hurt too much.
"Bella, I don't know how to say this," he looked at her, uncertainty in his eyes, "I use to be one of them. For a while actually. I was Romulan down to the several components of my DNA with the exception of blood coloring and other not-so-superficial parts of my genetic code. I know you've had a past with Romulans, from what you've told me, and I thought you should know."
She attempted sighing, but the pain in her sides was too intense. She grimaced. She saw a flicker of something...hurt maybe?...on Shane's face at her _expression_. "It was the pain," she explained. She held his hand tightly. "I wasn't one of them. But I worked for them. Willingly," she admitted. "We're not that different after all, are we?" Bella asked quietly.
"No, it's not the same," Shane said, pulling his hand from her grasp. Moving into the center of the room he turned and looked at her. His macho man persona drifted away and he felt vulnerable. "I was Romulan. Not just working for them. I was Romulan in every way, shape, and form. I talked like them, I acted like them, and I sure as hell treated people like us like insignificant beings. Everything that you know about them, I did."
Bella blinked as Shane pulled away from her. It hurt every time he did that - like the time with that girl's name. She didn't know what to think about his admission. She had been lied to, she had been kidnaped, she had been betrayed, and the Tal Shiar destroyed everything she ever cared about for vengeance nine years running. Bella closed her eyes as she passed the recent events through her mind. "But you're not now," she said quietly after a long moment.
"Am I? What I did to Anita - it was Romulan. I told myself that I'd left that life, what I called my life, behind for a better one. One where I could be who I was born to be. And, in the end, I still regressed to complete savagery," he knocked over a medical cart, "I didn't want to do it the way I did. It's not suppose to be like this. Out here I have to look out for myself, and that's what I did, but why do I feel so rotten about it?"
It was a struggle, but Bella managed to work her way up and onto her feet. She took tentative steps towards him, afraid to leave the end of the bed. She still felt so weak. "Because you aren't one of them," she told him quietly.
"But I did it anyway!"
"And I tried to shoot her because I thought she killed you! And if I wasn't such a fuckin' crap shot, I'd have been the one to kill her." She was breathing in ragged gasps, leaning on the bed for support. "And if you wanna get real technical about it - I'm the one that told you to do it! And you didn't. Don't you think that makes you just a little better? Don't you!?" Tears streamed down her face as she fought to stay on her feet.
She didn't get it. She just didn't get. Shane struggled to maintain his composure, but failed. Turning, he glared at her. "You don't understand! You could never, ever understand what I went through. God, I sound like it was a bad thing. So many years of servitude to the Romulan Star Empire. And you know what, now that I think about it, I'm GLAD I was there. If you and your crew were imprisoned, tortured, interrogated, or whatever the fuck happened," Shane paused, an almost twisted smile appeared on his face, "they deserved it." Shane chuckled evilly and walked out of sickbay.
She felt the air leave her lungs and her body suddenly go numb. What pain she was feeling physically was absolutely nothing to what she was feeling emotionally. Shane couldn't have hurt her more if he'd stabbed her with Anita's knife. Never had she heard such cold, hard words. And about something so very precious to her. She wouldn't make that mistake again. Ever.
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